I have been with this guy for 8 years. We have 2 kids. Im not happy anymore. We used to be happy at first. He treats me like crap after our daughter was born, 5 years ago. He calls me names, and doesnt help with anything. He has NEVER hit me though. He is always out with his friends. I have left him 2 times already but he comes crying saying that he will change, and I go back to him. He has finally quit calling me names, but I feel like it a little too late. I have no where to go, and no job. I just finished college and cant find a job. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont think I ever really loved him but I stayed with him because of the kids. What should I do since I have no job and no place to go? I dont want to be stuck here any longer. I was trying to wait until I get a job to leave but I cant take it anymore.
2006-08-17 07:58:18 · 12 answers · asked by CK 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have no friends or family I can stay with.
2006-08-17 08:12:23 · update #1
It sounds like you have made up your mind to leave, so you really aren't asking what to do. And it sounds like you have made the right decision. You are not happy; you don't think you love him anymore; he calls you names (he hasn't hit you - yet - and you feel compelled to tell us that which is scary in and of itself); he treats you like crap until you leave then he woos you back.... yep, I'd say it is time to cut and count your loses and prepare for your gains.
This isn't good for your two children - this is no kind of home for them to be in. It is no kind of relationship for you to be in.
If you can, go home to your parents. If not them, then a sibling. If not them, then perhaps a friend will take you in for awhile. Find a place to go. (I just went back and saw your edit that you have no friends or family - makes me think that, after 8 years, your husband has made sure that you are cut off from the rest of the world. If you truly have no one - NO ONE - who just might help, then call the local abused woman's shelter and ask for their help.)
You know the rest, ...get a job, save money, live frugally, get divorced, ensure you get child support, and so on and so on and so on.
Your life will be different - a little harder, a lot happier - than it is now. And in the overall scheme of things, that is better!
2006-08-17 08:14:47 · answer #1 · answered by two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You lost your love for him. It's that simple. Prepare for your self to move on. Don't worry necessarily upon today. All things fall into place eventually. You start by finding resources to help you get by. Find a local shelter for abused women. They have talk groups and counselors(not saying to live in a shelter). When a person dictates your life for so long you forget what it is like to feel happy, wanted and loved.
You need to figure yourself out and make a decision based upon all of the evidence to back that you feel you don't love him any longer. Don't allow your feelings to stop you from having a better life for your children and yourself. The children will be fine. Don't allow your self to be concerned of his wants and sorrys any more. When you do that you become weak and vulnerable to him and you will never find the courage to leave him. Too many people use "Kids" as an excuse to stay in a marriage. Just remember they will grow to be adults and not only that, just keep in mind the type of people they will become by this exposure.
2006-08-17 15:25:35 · answer #2 · answered by skawp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel so bad for you. I know you feel like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, as the old saying goes. But don't give up. You'll find a job. And once you're able to take care of yourself and the kids, then leave. If I've learned anything in my life time it's LIFE IS TOO SHORT to be unhappy. Thank God this man has never hit you, but verbal abuse is almost just as bad. If you stay with him he will completely destroy your self esteem and make you feel worthless. You owe it to yourself and your children to have a better life. I wish you all the luck in the world.
2006-08-17 15:14:26 · answer #3 · answered by sparkie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont know all your particulars, but in your shoes I'd be making some serious plans, as to where you want to be, and how you're gonna get there. At least you have a roof over your head at the moment. I'd take full advantage of that, to fulfill your plan. He owes you at least that much for your 8 years. I'd also look into how you can acquire financial support (from him) for your children. Start with your local family center. Perhaps they can direct you to the proper authorities. Obviously you've got smarts, you just completed college. Again, look into whatever is available as far as job placement for your chosen field. Check out temporary services in your area. Possibly it can get your foot in the door of again something in your field. Think seriously about your life, and do somthing about it. It's taken you 8 years to get where you're at. So it's not gonna be an overnite success story. Patience and determination will get you where you wish to be! You sound strong enough to pull it off. So put a plan into action for the good of YOU and your yunguns! Just keep thinking that today is the FIRST day of your renewed life!
2006-08-17 15:29:28 · answer #4 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should find out if you could stay with a family member or friends. Dont keep yourself in a bad situation because it will bring you down. You just finished your education now its time to do better in life. Drop this loser!
2006-08-17 15:12:49 · answer #5 · answered by starr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find yourself a job first and save some money. Once you have enough move out. Learn the lesson in this to not have premartial sex nor live with someone who is not your husband. Your kids need a good role model so show them one.
Good luck!
2006-08-17 15:06:59 · answer #6 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I truly believe you have already made your mind up and you know what is going to be best - not only for you but your children. There are people and organizations that will help you and your children. If what you are looking for is reassurance - here it is... You are in an mentally abusive loveless relationship that is not only effecting you, it is effecting your children. You need to get out.
2006-08-17 15:09:45 · answer #7 · answered by jessica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep looking for a job. If you don't get one by October leave. It feels better if you have a schedule and know you will get out.
2006-08-17 15:04:24 · answer #8 · answered by Ricky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not happy leave. Stay with friends. Why stay if he treats you like crap. Its pointless.
2006-08-17 15:04:01 · answer #9 · answered by Miranda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have some family or friends to stay with?
2006-08-17 15:04:52 · answer #10 · answered by Wally 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋