When you partner has sexual abuse in their past, do you ever question if they are actually gay or just anti?

Question

My wife's biological half sister is a lesbian in a married relationship (I'm not going to say committed because they are married in my eyes). My mother in law once said that while her daughter in law was born gay, her daughter had turned gay.
Many months later, my mother in law said that her daughter has been sexually abused as a child and had many bad experiences with men.
If this was your partner would you have any doubts?

Answer 1

No. I'd be much more concerned with how they treated me in the present than what happened to them in the past. Too many straight and bi women have been abused too, you know?

It sounds like your mother-in-law is looking for a "justification" as to why her daughter turned out to be gay.

Answer 2

I think that you really have to take some time with your wife. You need to talk about the situation a little further. Find out how old she was and when did it happen. Your wife really needs support and love. She would have to really explain everything to you and then you work from there. It will be a long hard road but, if you love her, and she loves you, you both can make this work together. Just a bit of advice. Listen to her and don't point the finger or make her feel as though you think that you are better than her, or that she is a bad person for making a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. People can change their lives. We all deserve another chance. I know this personally because I was raped and that is almost like the abuse your wife has been through. God Bless yo two and Good Luck.

Answer 3

Some people can start with a sexually active commitment, love each other, then as they bond, often the sex could be left behind for a person who has changed their mind or got healed. Love is not only about sex.

No one is born gay, some children become gay through innocence though, and many forget their childhoods and all they did, so some assume they was born gay. Even those that are molested do not always choose to be gay, but many are molested even when they are young and the person blocks it out and that person sometimes chooses to be gay or believes they was born game. It can be a memory issue for those that think they was born gay, but know one is born gay, or for that matter born heterosexual, but it is the plan of god almighty. the plan for us to follow.

I was one of those children that done Innocent things when small, had a gender dysphoria as well, and all added up to me i was born gay, now i know i was not born gay, no one is. check out my site below.

Answer 4

There is definitely going to be some trauma and psychological problems if she was sexually abused as a child. However, it didn't change her sexual orientation. She may have deep emotional problems concerning sex in general. She may also be very confused. If she were my partner I would help her seek some kind of counseling but I would not question or have any doubts about her love toward me.

Answer 5

I have sexual abuse in my past, my partner has never had any doubts about me. I have never given her a reason. I still do deal with the baggage of the abuse but I never let it own me and my partner knows and helps me when it troubles me. We talk to each other in such an open an unreserved way that nothing outside of us can shake us. Work with your partner and screw what everyone else thinks. Only you and your partner really have your interest at heart.

Answer 6

Everybody is different and they figure out their sexuality through different steps. I had a partner for 5 years and always knew about her childhood abuse. She had serious problems still - I don't think she dealt with it completely with her therapist or her family. I finally broke up with her; we seemed to be travelling down separate paths. She is now with a man and a woman. Who knew.
I hope for your sister-in-law's sake that both are on the same path, no matter how they got there. I wonder if abuse pushes one into same sex situations. But then how do you explain same sex abuse for children.....

Answer 7

Love patience and freedom is what u need to stand by this partner. And a healthy distance 2 this part of her life. Life is beautyful. Share the beauty with this woman . Make sure that she is responsable 4 her own life! And u 4 own questions . I don´t think that it is really important. Important is what she feels and how life is goin on.

Answer 8

I don't honestly believe that anyone can turn gay. Why would someone choose a lifestyle that is discriminated against so much. So I don't think I would worry about the effect the sexual abuse had on their sexuality, rather I would worry about the effect the abuse had on their mental well-being.

Answer 9

i don't think you can "turn" gay ... but i do think that sexual abuse rattles you to the bone so much, that you're either forced to repeat the pattern, or ask yourself the really hard questions. i do think that SOME women *think* they're gay because they can't stand to have a man touch them; meaning, not because they love women, but because they hate and fear men. this is a very complex area for the woman as well as for her partner. but when you see your partner being as vocal about hating men as she is about loving women, and knowing her history, i don't think you can help having a tiny bit of doubt, even if you two are perfectly in love and happy together.

Answer 10

I've seen many women that became lesbian because of bad treatment by men. Either they were bi-sexual to begin with or women find it easier to be with women than men.

My only problem with it all is the man-hate they feel afterwards... even to gay men... I know of no reverse feelings of gay men towards women... seems to be a female issue.