what does life have to offer after losing the love of your life??where do you begin again after 35 years?

Question

husband died and i do not know where to begin again,questioning myself why am i stuck here living in a place 1500 miles away from family and freinds.i know if life we do not have all the answers and from what i am exspirencing,the challenges that life is bringing me .

after 35 years together was with him since i was 12

Answer 1

What you have left is the life that he gave you. When two people are together for as long as you and your husband were, their lives grow together. Having someone ripped out of your life this way probably feels a bit like being cut in half. You need to find a way to make this remaining "half" whole again. It will just take time to ease the rawness of the pain. I can't imagine that it will enitrely go away, but it will heal and you will eventually make peace with it.

Do not do your husband an injustice by throwing away your life. He would not want you to be unhappy; he would want you to go on to live a good, long, full life. He would want you to feel happiness again. And I'm sure, even if he was jealous in life, dying would likely have a way of rearranging one's priorities, and he would want you to experience love again. You won't forget him. You would not replace him. He knows that.

But that is down the road. Right now (I'm assuming your loss was recent), you're in the emotional ICU on life support. Take it one day at a time until you feel stronger. Rely on family and friends. Find a bereavement support group in your area. When you feel stronger, do something out of the ordinary: take time off work and go on a vacation, change jobs, move to a different city, go back to school, etc. You can do absolutely anything you choose to do. Don't let grief cripple you. It's okay to feel sad, and that's normal, but be sure that you are actively working at healing yourself.

I have heard that ceremonies or rituals help a person to say goodbye. When you are ready, find a loving and intimate way to say goodbye to your husband and allow yourself to move on. If you can learn to say goodbye, your life will begin to focus on its own.

Answer 2

First my hearty condolences on your husband's death.For some life begins after 35.Take it in your stride.I know how you feel after losing the love of your life,but life does offer love.You can start loving the life which god has given you.Love others,care for others.When you see orphan children just think what they have in life?They dont have anyone to love or care for.But yet they are cheerful and happy because they have hope that their life will not always be like this,it will change for better.
So life has so many things to offer for you.Have faith and hope in life.Go to orphanage and spend time with the young children.They need love.So share your love and part of your life in social activities.It will make you feel much better and will reduce your pain.
You are just 35 years young.For some life starts in middle age as they go through torrid ride in life.So just think that all your worries and problems are over,forget about the past.Just think the best is yet to come.May be the second half will offer you the very best in life.
In case you are in job concentrate hard on it.I know its not easy.You have mentioned that you are away from your freinds and relations.Just take time off and visit your near and dear ones.It will make you feel better.Start your life fresh.You can start old aged home or run an orphanage.By doing this you will not only be serving them but will have their love as well.Thats what life has to offer to you.LOVE.
In life as you pointed out we might not know all the answers but experience is the best teacher.Since you are brave enough to take on the challenges that life is bringing all you need is mental strength and a very positive outlook towards life.Infact life will have a new meaning if you share your life for others.Start involving in social activity.By your experince in life you will make a great administrator in old aged homes and orphanage.Indulge in social causes.You will find that there are more in life have to offer.Good luck.

Answer 3

Losing a spouse is so difficult, it feels like half of you died. If you have children or other family in a different location, think about moving closer to them. The first year after a death is the worst. Every birthday, holiday etc brings up so much pain. If you were closer to your family members, it would be more comforting to you especially at those hard moments.

God's Word says He will comfort the broken hearted. Start reading your Bible, you will find comfort there too.

There is life after the death of a spouse, time is a great healer. Your husband would not want you to stop living just because he is gone.

Answer 4

First make no major decisions the first year. Ask your friends if they know any widowed guys as that is a good start. Tell them you are just interested in friendship only, not ready to start anything else. You start by finding a church and joining. Make sure its not a cult church. Go Baptist, Episcopalian. Join reunion.com or classmates.com contact old school friends some may be in your situation. After a while if you still want think about selling your house and moving close to family and friends. There are a lot of singles groups. yahoo has one for guys in your area. Be sure you do not give out your phone number or address. Get to know them well before you start anything. Do not be quick about jumping into some one else problems. there are guys out there who are in your same position. Find a church that has an active singles groups. There are christian singles groups on the Internet. Find a job if you are not working. It will get you out of the house. These are things I would do.

Answer 5

As an art therapist and specialist in the field of Trauma and Death and Dying, I would suggest re- examining your OWN sense of SELF worth and YOUR goals and purpose(s) on this earth.
Here are some ideas to explore:

Make a memory journal of your life with your husband;complete with photos,nick-knacks,writings even drawings.

Make a Wish List.Include travel,learning (education), hobbies...Then add to it at least once a week. This can allow you to re-focus on you the person who is!

Don't shy away from adventures: including (meeting) new people,place,ideas even career opportunities.

If you are truly longing to return to the bosom of your family and friends I suggest a visit first..You'd be surprised to learn how many people return to their "hometown" and after a week or two get bored or burnt out.

Sometimes a fresh start in a new situation can jump-start the process of healing as well as re-discovering who you are and your next step forward.

There are many on-line links I could suggest that deal with Grief,Psychology and Therapeutic directions. Take a deep breath and Smell the Roses.

If you wish to contact me ([e-mail]) I am pleased to share any info I may have
Peace

Answer 6

What do you mean by "after 35 years", by the way? Do you mean you were married for 35 years, or you are 35 years old?

Sister-in-sorrow, you HAVE to cope. You say your husband was the love of your life -- then honor him by living. Honor his memory through your bravery. Live out the love that you two shared by redirecting it into getting your life in order. That is what your husband would have wanted.

He would not want you to give up. He would hate your suffering over something that he had no control over; that is, his life and his untimely death. If YOU had been the one to die, would you have wanted him to hurt so much? Would you have wanted him to hurt the way you are hurting now?

If you love him, love yourself. Care for yourself. Give yourself small steps to your recovery. Look pretty for him -- look pretty for you. Keep your house and garden as neat as a pin, as he would have liked it. Go to trauma therapy. Take that immense pain in your heart and channel it into good deeds -- go work part-time at the Salvation Army, or on Saturday mornings at the thrift shop. Do these things in honor of him, and the love you feel for him.

As you say, your life at the moment is full of challenges, and you are alone -- and lonely. You HAVE to deal with this first, BEFORE you make any decisions. Do not make important decisions about your life until you are calmer, and more able to see clearly. I am sure your husband would have given you the same advice.

I doubt I've been helpful. But just know that anyone who reads your message empathises with you. You are going through something we all dread. Du courage .....

Answer 7

I've heard that you shouldn't make any major changes, such as moving to another city, for a while after the death of a spouse.
In the meantime, can you visit friends and family or have them visit you?
Get involved in activities in your community in the meantime, such as volunteer work or religious organizations.
Try to get some regular exercise. Some shopping malls have clubs that people join so they can walk in the mall together early in the morning.
Your general outlook on life will change in time. The grieving process is painful, but you will feel better in time.

Answer 8

You need a support network. If necessary move back to where your family lives if you can't establish one where you are. As for what life has to offer you - A new beginning . It is up to you where you take it. My Mom died and my father in his late 60's began again. It toke a good amount of time living one day at a time , but he made it. He is now remarried and we have a very loving step mother and grandma to my daughter. Hospitals, churches, even in the paper have listings in their newsletter of widows and bereavement groups. Please do not try to face this alone. Take it one day at a time and you will in time be able to appreciate what you had and look forward to what life has to offer you. - Good Luck.

Answer 9

The first thing you need to do is to think seriously about moving closer to your family. I know this sounds like a huge step, but it will do two things for you. #1 It will keep you busy and focused on something positive. #2 It will get you near to the people who love you and thus you will have the support system you need. They will help you with your grief process and lift you up when you're ready to move on. Ask them to help you get started.
I know it seems like an impossible task right now but you can do it. Go where there is love. Do not stay where there is lonliness. Right now you need the comfort of people who love and care for you.

Answer 10

Pain like this takes time to get over. You are lucky you had the time with the love of your life. Alot of us are still looking for that. Move closer to home, be with your family and friends again. Take the time to mourn and do the things that will comfort you and make you happy. Your husband would want that for you.