Letting the past go, how can I do it?

Question

Ihave been told by almost everyone ounder the sun that I need to let past bad experiences go. I know I am the type of person that if something hurtful or negative is said to me i'lll laugh it off but inside it's still there and i hurts even months or years after it was said. It has caused me to doubt myself alot I used to want to be an artist but when I took an Art class and I couldn't draw a face as well as some other people and my friend made a mean comment I stopped. I"m tryiong to get back into it but everytime I enter the class that comment comes back to haunt me. I know that life is too short to let this rule me and I'm reaching the point where I want to move on but I don't know how. Please don't answer and just tell me "Just get over it" for someone who has been internalizing for their whole life it's not that easy. Please help.

Answer 1

I understand what you mean - I am the same type of person - 100 people could tell you nice things but the one thing that was negative that was said will remain in your mind for years to come.

What is working for me and might work for you is...
1. try to surround yourself with supportive people that want to help you and that know how sensitive you are to negitivity.
2. realize that everything that has happened in the past (good or bad) has shaped you as the person you are today - things like this help you grow
3. Learn from your struggles - so maybe you can't draw faces as well as other but maybe you can draw animals or landscapes better than anyone -
4. Try not to worry about comments like they comments said in a mean spirt like that are just trying to bring you down because the person that said them is unhappy with their life.
5. Understand that you deserve the best and to be treated the way that you should - just make sure that you express your feelings vocally when somthing like this happens to they know how it make you feel and if nothing is done - maybe you should look into why you are friends in the first place..

Good luck with everything - If you ever need some one to e-mail feel free to drop me a line -
[e-mail]

Answer 2

The only way to really get pass it is to attend another art class and have a new experience from it all- you may even wished you had started earlier, only this time when you get a criticism - take it as something that will help you improve in some area of your artistic work not as a personal attack on you. React to it in a postive way with a little comment like.. " yeah, you are probably right, I need to polish my skills a litle bit here." You have to expect a little critism as that's how everyone learns- criticism is positive when learning art skills as it gives us feedback on what we need to do to improve our skills. Best of luck!

Answer 3

It sounds like me when I was younger. One day I broke down crying after a negative comment, and left the room which was full of people. I wanted to dig a hole and hide forever. Someone came to see what was the matter, saw my tears etc. I was hoping she'd put her arm around my shoulder and comfort me, tell me that I was ok. Instead she said:

'You are pathetic. You are suffering from lack of self-confidence.'

She left, went back to the others.
At first it made me angry, she made me feel worse. Then I relaised she was right at the same time.

I took a decision there and then: I'd build self-confidence and I was going to start there and then. I went back to the others, with red, swollen eyes etc. Everyone looked at me in silence. I said: 'ok, I know I've got red, swollen eyes, I look pathetic. But at least I know why, it is lack of self-confidence. But I'll work on it. Now can I have a coke?'

I took it from there and it worked.
I just needed that kick in the butt.

Good luck

Answer 4

in case you could pull it off with a instantly face, tell him what this little birdy had to assert, and act like you imagine she is loony-tunes. you've gotten the means to inform via his reaction if there is any reality to the tale. in case you could positioned this in the back of you and by no ability be plagued via what might want to or might want to not have occurred, then forget it. you may also shop a pay attention for any warning signs that something is rotten in Denmark. If the birdy instructed the reality, it became very un-style to inform you at this previous due date. shame on it for starting up hardship. i'm hoping you'll imagine a short even as earlier you opt for what to do, don't be hasty about this, you may also make a mistake you'll remorseful about later. shop in concepts those words, you should do what you could stay with. staggering needs and solid success.

Answer 5

letting go is a huge deal for many (whether they have come to realize it or not), so don't be too hard on yourself.

basically, there are no simple answers, and there isn't a simple solution. in a world of instant gratification and miracle cures, we expect that 'someday' we'll just get it, from thin air or otherwise. that's not the case. it takes effort and it takes persistence and it takes TIME. you're going to have to dig inside, look back into your childhood and life, and be completely honest with yourself. (you mentioned having internalized your whole life, at some point in your youth did you fear that your emotions didn't matter? or that you wouldn't be loved or accepted?) i suggest journaling for this too.
at what point did you start taking stock in what other's thought over what you think of yourself? just start writing, brainstorming.

this is only half the story though.

the other half is daily, practicing rewiring these negative thoughts in your head. right now there's an element of safety with these thoughts- you won't fail if you dont try. you've basically got yourself into a positive feedback loop (which sounds good but is actually not so good when it comes to negative thoughts).
when you find yourself thinking these negative things, ask yourself quite simply, "is this getting me anywhere?" often we stay stuck in that loop because it keeps us from having to deal with the the dark underbelly of our psyche. but if you can bypass that, you're making progress. the trick is to associate the negative tape loop in your head with fruitlessness. if you are able to render it fruitless, your brain is less inclined to stay there.
also, try proving to yourself what you ARE capable of. remember the things you HAVE accomplished.
and above all, don't approach something with the expectation that you will be the best. don't approach it with any expectation at all. do it because you love it, and see how it makes you feel.

try diverting your attention elsewhere when you find yourself mulling over negative comments. or reframe them. look at them differently. get creative, make up stories in your head as to why this person acted the way they did (this is how i got over my road rage, ex "oh he must be having a bad day"). more often than not, the hurtful things others say have more to do with them than they have to do with us. they are a reflection of pain or things they hate in themselves.

ultimately, you will get to the point where enough is enough (but hopefully you will learn BEFORE you have to experience the pain of this). sometimes it takes being at an all time low in order to shake yourself up and own your life. but soon you will realize that THIS IS YOUR LIFE. it's not worth it to be bogged down with things that you have no control over (and which may have nothing to even do with you). just give it a little patience and persistence.

good luck and much love.

Answer 6

Personally, from experience, I too use to do the same thing. Let some of that stuff really get to me but I meet a friend of mine and has changed my mind on this issue. There is good Ju Ju and Bad Ju Ju. If you do bad and think feel bad bad things happen to you, doing things good or thinking good can make things cool and smooth, life is good. Good Ju Ju is the way to go.

Answer 7

You are remembering the past by trying to forget it and probably resulted in internalizing the whole experience. I would just leave it as status quo, if i remember it and i cannot do anything about it, then it is just one more piece of memory. I wont try hard to either remember or forget, i will trust on human internal memory to erase it for me through biological life cycle.

Answer 8

Try a different art class and ditch that 'friend'.

Also, you'll need to just accept that you will keep remembering the past from time to time, so try and just remember the better bits.

Finally, ignore other people's opinions -- especially critics/reviewers -- except those who genuinely care for you.

Answer 9

The problem lies within your MIND realm, and not in how you think about things... or how you relate to the expressions of others. In point of fact, how you think about things... or how what you think about what others say, is determined by your MIND... not your brain.

Somehow, early in your life, your MIND misperceived who and what you are, at your core, as bad and undeserving. This then is who and what your MIND believes you to be. Your MIND then applies this belief to what you do, or what you want to do... by subtly feeding negative thoughts to your brain.... consistent with what your MIND holds as who and what you are. I refer to these thoughts from the MIND as D-Think [Delusional Thinking] and it becomes your conscious thinking.... whether you want it to be there or not.

The way out of this dilemma is to discover what is real, and what is not real about yourself. Let us begin with who and what you are at your core. You are a Soul, which is an aspect of God. Your Core energy is [NSgy], or Neutral Spiritual energy. This means that you are [NSgy] and this energy is an absolute. This means that who and what you are is permanent, unchanging, and can never be other than it is. And since [NSgy] is the same energy as God, this is a good thing to be.

At your Core, is [NSgy], between this and your brain is your MIND realm, and it is within your MIND realm that your perceived self-image exists. Begin to embrace the higher reality of your Core, and ignore the ramblings of negativity from your MIND.
Check out Apapsyche on goggle.. and do some research.

Answer 10

letting the past is hard especially when you have your down times but getting rid of it is the best thing for you mentally...

Try to start a hobby and move on. It will take some time.