My boyfriend recently told me he is almost 100% (high 90's) sure he doesn't want children. He told me this so I wouldn't be hurt in the long run because he knows I want children. I still hope deep down he will change his mind in 3 or 4 years, am I totally being naive and ignoring the obvious? He turns to God a lot and he feels God is showing him that kids are not in his future, especially with the hard times in the world and the fact that his sister is delivering her baby 2 months early because of complications. He feels that children might get in the way of his future plans to travel across country and have many animals. What I would like to know is if there is a possibilty that he could change his mind later on or if these kinds of decisions are set in stone?
2006-08-17 07:08:34 · 7 answers · asked by lynngirl16 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I guess this would have been helpful to know...we are both 23 and marriage is a definite possibility.
2006-08-17 07:27:33 · update #1
Well, I've never wanted kids and I'm 28 - so if he feels that way now, pretty much count on him not changing. I've been married for a year and my hubby is 36 - he says if we have kids, great, if not that's fine too but I kinda think he's more opt to want them. This is a big decision for you - if you really want them, you're going to find someone new. He was right to tell you this.
2006-08-17 07:20:50 · answer #1 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only absolute grantee of an occurrence is death and taxes. It has been this way a very long time and I don't look at the future because there is no guarantee that will happen. I know today and I know that things change, so yes, anything is possible especially if it is probable.
Most humans feel an urge to procreate, some take a little longer than others. You can go all bible says make babies and stuff, or he can use the bible to argue against it. He would lose, but he could try.
Rather than basing the decision to have children on a book, or a timetable that makes it seem convenient, just love each other openly and honestly, be happy, enjoy the moments and stuff happens.
When one focuses their attention on bad, all that one will see are the faults and the possible evil that could be.
When one focuses on good, that one sees possibilities,hope,and good that can be.
The future is unwritten.
2006-08-17 07:27:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you and your boyfriend are relatively young, there is always the possibility that his mind could change. Sounds like he hasn't experienced a lot of things, and needs to, before he absolutely rules out the possibility of having children. Now, are you part of his plan to "travel across country and have many animals?" What if you said to him that you are "almost 100% sure" that you don't want any animals because God told you so?
Bottom line, he's saying that at this stage of his life he doesn't want children. If you want them in the next few years and he doesn't, that's kind of a deal breaker.
2006-08-17 07:19:23 · answer #3 · answered by Nefertiti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could change his mind, but if you are certain that you want them, they I would not risk it. He may never change his mind. A possibility is that he may not see a future with you and is saying this as an excuse to not have to commit to you. I know it sounds harsh, but it may be true.
The bottom line is don't bank on him changing his mind, don't badger him into something he doesn't want to do because he'll probably end up resentin you for it and the child would suffer then too, and most of all - don't just try to get pregnant to "catch" him. It will only prove disastrous and is not fair all the way around.
good luck.
2006-08-17 07:17:02 · answer #4 · answered by island3girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweetie there is a definite possibility that he can change his made at any given time. so do not feel bad right now. if your young enjoy life together and then if you two decide to get married later on discuss children because maybe he is also just afraid of having children, and being tied down. it seems like he just needs to ride this out. this will pass. so dont be afraid of having a relationship with this man if you love him, dont let him go because of different outlooks. they change faster then fashion. take it from a true fashionista sweetie everything is going to be fine. <3 <3
2006-08-17 07:18:06 · answer #5 · answered by spicysaucylatina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course he may change his mind but are you willing to wait around to see if he will?? Do not marry him hoping he will change his mind because YOU may be shooting yourself in the foot. I applaud him for being honest with you about his decision to not have children which is clearly his choice to do so. I have a friend that was my best friend in high school and she has decided to not have kids and her reason is she said she is too selfish to want to share her life with a child. To each his / her own but you have all the information you need to make your decision.
2006-08-17 07:19:46 · answer #6 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, properly, the certainty it only handed off whilst alcohol became into in touch isn't an excuse. If he rather enjoyed you and knew alcohol made him harm you, then he would stop ingesting to guard you. do no longer worry approximately ruining your son's life with the aid of placing apart type your boyfriend. you will get custody of the youngster if there is been abusive habit out of your boyfriend. And after the preliminary marvel your son will possibly be relieved that he wont would desire to witness violent arguments anymore. do exactly no longer initiate badmouthing his father after the separation as he will possibly nevertheless love him and could no longer decide to would desire to attend to the two father and mom attempting to get him 'on their component'. To breaking it off... once you're afraid your boyfriend would have a violent reaction, get a specified and relied on kin member jointly with a sister, brother or mom to speak to till now and function with you once you tell your boyfriend you're ending it. this would grant emotional help that may assist you no longer poultry out of it, and to assist be on your component if your boyfriend threatens you. do no longer point out your affair till after the wreck up nevertheless. do no longer even carry it as much as say 'there is somebody else'. This determination haven't any pertaining to looking a sparkling relationship and could concentration entirely on the years of abusive habit you have persevered.
2016-10-02 05:08:16 · answer #7 · answered by chauarria 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋