My mother doesn’t like my wife, is their relationship hopeless?

Question

My wife and I have been together for nearly 5 years and married for a year and a half.

She was my first girlfriend ever.

The first time they met my mother said my wife was “risky” because my girlfriend came over to my house to watch a movie on my couch!

My mom told my family lies about my wife to make them hate her before they met her.

She said my wife was from a bad family and was using me for money.

I was a 20 year old with no money and no college education.

I am an only child, my mother is divorced and hasn’t had a boyfriend in 10 years.

My wife has ALWAYS been nice to my mom, but she doesn’t want to be around her much.

My mom is nice now to my wife since we married, but still thinks we will divorce.

I am happy with my wife and will cut my mom off if she causes trouble in my marriage.

Is there hope for their relationship?

Will they possibly bond when my wife gets pregnant next year?

Answer 1

A baby almost always brings people together, though I wouldn't count on it. It could backfire with her making snide comments about things she does while pregnant, then taunting her parenting skills. You should just brush off her comments. She sounds like a miserable person, and it pushing it onto everyone else. People like that don't change. If you want to maintain some sort of relationship with her, ignore the nastiness. That is the only way.

Answer 2

My mother in law never did like me from the get go. No matter what. We had children and she still did not like me. She would be nice to me when my husband was in the room and rude to me when we were alone. My son went to stay with her for a short while and she told him a bunch of stuff. He stopped talking to her and has not seen her since. We move 2,000 miles away and were glad to not be around her or her around our children. I no longer go to her house and my children are grown only 2 have gone to her house in the last 20 years. Recently we move close to my husband's sister thinking it would be nice to be around family and the fruit does not fall far from the tree. She waited until my husband left the room and screamed in my face. She could have told me the same thing in a nice way. My husband took offence and wrote her a letter writing her off and said he did not like being around thiefs, bullys or liars and she was all. So we have no contact with her. He also told her if we run into each other in town he does not know her.
Moral is. Your mom is not going to change and if you want a good relationship with your wife. Move on with your life because your mother will make trouble. I have been married 45 plus years and the last 6 I refuse to go to my mother in laws house. Took me 40 years of the stuff she did to finally say enough. I should have done that the first time she asked me to step out of the family portriat. I should have pulled my children out of it then too.

Answer 3

I guess there is always hope but from my experience a baby does not always create bonds. Your mother probably has problems cause she didn't want to share you in the first place. By introducing a baby into the picture you are just sharing yourself among more ppl. I am not saying put your life on hold. You already see your mother for what and who she is so go on with your plans and leave it all alone.

I am four weeks away from my due date and my bf's family still hate the **** out of me. Nothing has changed, actually things got worse after they found out i was pregnant.

I have decided that none of it matters, I have my baby to see about and he is now my first priority.

If your mother comes around, be glad, if she doesn't she will be the one to lose out. Goood luck with your family.

Answer 4

I feel sorry for your wife, and when you have a baby next year I think it may get worse. Can you imagine how much "advice" she will have and all of the "you are doing that wrong" AHHHHH I do not mean to scare you, I am just being realistic. I admire your wife, and truly feel for her. I would say it is time for you to put your foot down and tell your mother that you will not tolerate it anymore. Let her know that it is not healthy for you to continue to put up with this. If she has already stopped then it is also possible that your wife has some unresolved feelings and maybe she needs to let your mom know how she feels and not fear what you will say about it.
Best of luck to you guys!

Answer 5

The baby could change things, but don't get your hopes up.
Most likely scenario is some kind of family crisis that will bring mom and daughter-in-law together.

My mom never, ever liked any of the women my brothers and I married.
I gave my wife a heads up on this early in our relationship, and told her to just be herself and that I will stand by her.
My wife is a good person, a polite person but an assertive person.
She got crap from my mom, and dished it right back...something my brothers wives didn't dare do.
My mom might not like my wife, but she respects her for taking a stand and doing it with good humor.

I don't know if every guy has had to deal with the mom-who-wouldn't-let-go, but I'm sure it has gone on since the time of the first wedding.
Just like dads and daughters, there is that special bond between moms and sons.

My attitude is Biblical: "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh." (see link).

Answer 6

I don't think it will get better. Your mom still sees you as her little boy and always will. She wants to controll things like she did when you lived at home. She really does need to go out and get on with her life. I am glad to hear you are sticking up for your wife because she is your family now and your first priority. When you two do get pregnant your mom my see that you are moving on and will continue to put your new family first and maybe she will stop but i doubt it. Try suggesting to your mom that she need to get some friends maybe go play bingo or join a womens group at your local chruch. I hope this helps Good Luck

Answer 7

You were the man in her life till your wife came. Then she had to share you and that is something she did and does not want to do. Also if she did not have any males other than you in her life she might have had a bad relationship with your father that turned her off of men.
Hopefully as you and your wife continue to grow she will she she was wrong. Wait till you two start having children then watch the change in your mother. Grandchildren have a way of melting the hardest heart!

Answer 8

Here's what you do: get a table with three chairs. Your wife and mom sit across from one another while you sit in the middle, mediation-style. Have a list of questions ready for both your wife and mom. Questions like "what is it you don't like about her" or "has she done something to hurt you" and so on.

Keep it calm. be sure to lay some rules beforehand: no name-calling, no screaming, no pointing, no lying, no bullsh*t. Have a friend there with you who isn't partial to your wife or mom so s/he can act as an independent third party, and tell you how other people might see the situation.

Answer 9

Be careful with your mother. Remember that she will always want to protect you at any cost, and she will be jealous with any woman that crosses your life. She has the power to destroy any relationship and even your marriage.

You should make your mother respect your wife at any cost and try to keep them away of each other and the best thing is not trying to make them friends. That won't happen and they will act as they're friends, but just when you're on sight

Remember that distance with mothers in law is the best technique to have a good relationship with them.

Answer 10

Your Mother is probably acting like her Mother did towards your Father - or - she wanted to keep you all to herself and may be secretly emotionally dependent on you. Sounds to me like she is a very insecure emotionally person.
What you might try - and talk to your wife about this - is that once every week/2 weeks/month - whatever - you and your Mom "go on a date". Just the two of you. This just give her the special attention she needs. Dinner/movie - whatever. She will see that your wife is willing "to share" you with her and she what a good person your wife is.
This worked for 3 of my friend. Took all the Momma problems away. I hope it works for you if you try it. What have you got to lose?