I have serious issues with my brother can anyone help please?

Question

I am 17 years old and I have 4 additional half siblings. Three sisters and one brother. Their ages are 33,31, 30 and 29. I am the baby. My father died wehn I was 5 so for a long time my brother was the only man in my life, but I've neevr felt like it. I never had a real relationship with my brother, he never seemed to want to have anything to do with me because when I was born he was just about an adult. He never had a good relationship with my father because he was a competing male in my mothers life and though my father never kept me away from him my brother i felt even as a small child that he distanced himself from me. I can remember having good time with my sisters, all of them but I don't have one good memory of my brother and because of this I guess i don't really know my brother. Now that I'm older I'm noticing that when I'm around my brother or any man that tries to be athourative, but especially my brother, I just feel all of this anger build up inside me and it comes out

of nowhere literally. I could be laughing one minute and when he enters the room I am pissed. My brother is a "joker" accoreding to my mother and very critical especially of me since I'm the only one of my sisters to make it to 17 without getting pregnant and finishing school. But when I left conventional highschool to take the GED instead,(I was dealing with serious depression and I couldn't function in a regular schoool scene) he became very hostile toward me even telling me "I'm not going to ammount to anything" which I still feel sad when I think about it. He said this back in January but he and I haven't spoken normally since then. I've tried to ask my therrapist why I have these hateful feelings toward my brother and people that surround him I. E his daughter and his wife but she never has anyanswers. I also would like to know why he distances himself from me but not my sisters, but I can't bring myself to sit and talk to him for more than 5 minutes. Can anyone analyze this and

help me out? This issue with him has been eating away at me.

Answer 1

Sorry, dear, I can see that this is totally eating away at you. I doubt anyone is going to have any answers that will be able to help you. Could it just be that there was such an age difference between the two of you that you will never really be close? Sometimes, even brothers and sisters just don't become that close b/c they just don't have alot in common and there's not alot to talk about. He must care about you though b/c he got upset at you dropping out of school.

Being 17 years old also brings on alot of confusion. Maybe as you get older, you guys will be able to talk or at least get along a little better. As for the anger, maybe you should see a doc and get some meds to calm you down. I know people who have had to do that. No anti-depressants though. These are for anxiety, such as what you are experiencing. Good Luck, and maybe one day, you guys can talk and reach an agreement. I sure hope you can for your sanity!!!

Answer 2

Ok, 1st remember your brother was an adult when you came along. Therefore it is understandable that he would have a stronger relationship with your older sisters. By my calculations he was in his late teens when you were born, & guys that age don't really want to think much about babies, where girls are interested in babies from the day their born. That might explain why you have a better relationship with your sisters. It's nobodies fault that you & your brother aren't close, it's just the way things worked out, so accept it. From what I could understand the anger that surrounds your relationship with your brother comes from you, so try & put the past in the past & start treating your brother like a person who deserves your love & respect, & see what happens.

Answer 3

Sometimes when there has been such a longtime situation like this it is better to distance yourself completely from this person. I think you have a chance for a very good future. You sound intelligent; you have finished your education; and your brother sounds jealous that you've done well. When someone is so negative and not at all supportive, you are wasting your time and emotions trying to change the situation. My suggestion would be to stay away from him. If (when) he comes to your home you can choose to go to your room or leave without giving him any attention or time to disrespect you. I wish you all the luck in the world. And I hope you can just let the anger go; it's not good for your emotional or physical health!

Answer 4

I take it you two didnt have the same father.? If that is true, the reason why he distances himself from you is because you in some way represent the other man in your mothers life. He does not hate you, he hates your father. Explain to him (w/o getting upset) that you are not your father and no matter what you or he does, the both of you are brother and sister. Get to know each other likes and dislikes.
I understand where your coming from because I too am the youngest of 5 and I have 1 brother. We don't talk very much, because he's always working. But i do have memories of him teaching me how to tie my shoe and of him throwing me up in the air and catching me.
Where theres is hate, there is also love.

Answer 5

Stop over thinking this for your own good. I have a sister who is 13 months older than my and a step brother that is 3 months older than me. We all live in the same town and work in the same place. But we aren't close. We see each other every day and still aren't close. We are just all very different. But we have it where it counts. If they need a kidney...I'll be first in line for the cut and they'd do the same. And at 17 you aren't going to feel comfortable with a man telling what to do. This will pass. Just love your siblings and give them the same respect you want from them.

Answer 6

Your brother has problems because you are his half sister, he doesn't look at you the way he does his full blooded sisters, and you will never have the relationship with him that you seek, I am sorry, but you won't, I would keep to the relationships you have with your sisters and ignore him and don't include him in any thing you may have to say or do. I would also not allow him to get to you anymore through anger......... besides its unhealthy, he isn't worth your anger and he has showed you that..... you are your fathers daughters and he didn't like your father, and he doesn't like you. He probably sees your father in you when he looks at you........ i am sorry to say this, but I understand and see what is going on because of my own life....... blessed be

Answer 7

So, he's maintained a distance from you all your life, hasn't tried to bond with you in any way, and now decides he has a right to tell you what to do? PUH-LEEZE! I don't blame you for being angry.

You are projecting onto other men the dysfunctional relationship you had with your brother. That's not fair, and this is something you need to find a way to get past so it doesn't sour your relationships with men throughout your life. After all, you wouldn't want your emotionally distant brother inflicting any more emotional damage on you, hmmm?

Answer 8

Bravo to you for realizing there is a problem and recognizing the cause of it.

We can't change the past, but we can change how the past controls us by letting it go. One way to do this is to set your thoughts down on paper. Hold on to them for awhile and if it makes you feel better mail it, if not, destroy it. Either way you will have given vent to how you feel. Your feelings are legitimate and you have a right to them.

I truly hope you can move on from the past. It's hurtful to be ignored by members of your own family and sometimes that hurt turns into anger and sometimes it expresses itself in other ways, but it will come out. Remember that your brother and father are human and make mistakes the same as everyone else. It's regrettable what happened, but maybe after you tell how you feel you can let it go and move on.

All my best hopes for you...

Answer 9

Seems you've never known a male that was authoritative so you're naturally disinclined to listen to a male authority figure. The best bet for you would be to get some counseling from someone in whom you CAN believe. Or you can continue to deal with all the anger and stress on your own. It's up to you!

Answer 10

Well, hon. I can relate to how you feel about authority figures, I hate it when people start raising thier voices. All my life, I have avoided them. People seem to think that after a certain point in a relationship that they have the right to yell at me...thats when I throw them out. This may not help with your brother, but at least you know yourself well enough to avoid those types.