How can you tell if someone is cheating on you, with out prying into their personal things (e-mail, diary...)?

Question

I have a suspicion that she has been chatting with a possible ex via AIM and I would like to prevent it before it escalates to a physical affair. . . I do really love her and do not want to leave her over nothing, but I really don't know how to broach the subject "hey are you cheating on me?" which would not garner a good response if any. . . Thanks

I know the name of the person who she is chatting with, that she has in fact "chatted" with him via AOL IM and phone for LONG periods of time.

We have been married 6 years and toegether for 6 before that. I though we had a strong stable releationship. I am not insecure about myself, I just don't want to fly off the handle over nothing with out proof but don't have a way to get said proof. She is using AOL IM and I don't think it has a "Capture" feature to archive the IM's so I cannot tell if that is what is being used, but she closes the windows when I walk in the office, or asks me to leave while she is "on line".

I guess I am just confused

Answer 1

Wow...I'm very impressed with how you are handling the situation! Unfortunately, though, I'm not really sure how you can find some solid evidence for the cheating and if you can even do anything about it if she is. If she has started back communications with an ex then there are some issues with her or in your relationship that have to be resolved before the 'cheating' can stop. Does she have a history of cheating? I also don't think you can find anything if you don't look and snoop around. It might be best to approach her and tell her you've noticed a difference in her lately and ask her if she's happy...Try to read her actions and facial features for a sign of guilt or lying. If she gets defensive that may mean she is doing something. Just tell her how much you love her and that you're willing to do anything to work things out. However....Don't let yourself get played for a fool. Sometimes things are worth fighting for, other times it's best to walk away.

Answer 2

If she truly loves you, she wouldn't be having an affair in the first place. If she's chatting with an ex that doesn't necessarily mean it will turn into an affair. You need to extend trust here but keep your eyes and ears open. If she starts coming home late, gets argumentative for apparently no reason, starts hiding or locking her cell phone then I would approach her but if all your suspicions are based on just chatting, I wouldn't worry.

Answer 3

First of all, if she's going to cheat on you she's going to do it reguardless of what you do or say. Now, when u look for stuff you find it and it's probably not serious as you think. It seems that
u all don't communicate very well. It's probably nothing, you're probably just over exaggerating about the situation. All u have to do is go to her and ask her why do she feel the need to chat with him and for what. Don't go to her with an attitude b/c the situation will get out of hand. Let her know that she can confied in you and you're willing to listen to her problems b/c when women can't confied in their spouse they tend to go to a closer source and that closer source is her ex.

Answer 4

Chatting is nothing but "talk," Cheating is quite another thing!
Sounds like you are a bit insecure? If so, tell her about your feelings. Tell her you are insecure! There are always opportunities to bring the subject up!

Answer 5

if you've been together for a while and know each other well, then your intuition is probably on target--unless you are typically a paranoid person. you are a better person than i because i would not stand for any kind of cheating. i would leave. but if you don't want to ask her, and if you don't want to snoop, then there's no real way to know ... unless you just go with your gut. but i think the best thing for you to do is to ask her. don't be condescending or accusatory, but just try to discuss it and tell her how you feel.

Answer 6

Ask yourself this. Do you want this issue to keep hindering your relationship? You need to ask her! If she is, then there is no point with being with someone who won't respect you and be 100% committed to you. If she isn't, then there is nothing to worry about and you can go on with out any worries.

You need to be able to trust your partner. Our instincts are usually 80% correct. If she has been acting strangely, there is a reason to feel suspicious.

Answer 7

You better be careful. She's going to be pissed when she finds out that you have been doing this. It's so much better to just talk to her. You are looking for trouble and you are going to find it. If you look and find nothing then she's never going to trust you again. I wouldn't. Somethings are private and this is one of them. It's wrong to do that it really is. Communication is key here. Not going behind her back and snooping. It's almost as bad as cheating...

Answer 8

If you suspect there is a problem in your relationship then you need to take up more of her time and give her more attention. See if she is receptive to spending more time with you. More time with you is less time on the computer for someone else.

Answer 9

talk to her about cheating in general terms and about some of the things she is doing but without implying that she is doing them. Look at her when you are talking if she tries not to look at your eyes or if she touches her ear with her hand then she is cheating, if not, then she is innocent. I HOPE IT WORKS>>>OK.

Answer 10

U need to b honest and wit her and jus question her up front. If she cant even have the decency to tell you the truth she doesn't deserve someone like you.