Advice need on a serious issue?

Question

If your ex -partner run an abuse group for the survivors of child abuse, but was guilty of emoitnally abusing his own children and breaking up the house in front of them. Would it be wrong of you to tell the relvent people ?

Ok i have decided to add some details after reading all the answers.

My estranged husband started the group 7 years ago. He has ptsd and a personality disorder. The abuse has been on going for a while but came to ahead on friday evening last when he went up to my 18 year old and screamed right in her face without good reason. I asked him to stop as the younger children were around and he wouldnt, I managed to get them to a place of saftey (thank you my freinds). I asked him to leave and upon leaving he broke the phone socket in the wall and destroyed some stuff. My daughters son was born 15 weeks early and is still ill in hospital and his attitude to this before leaving was like he gave a ****. I hope this explains more.

Answer 1

nope they have a right to know wouldnt you want to know i think you already know the answer to this one. Good luck

Answer 2

I am assuming husband is a survivor of child abuse himself - if so his behaviour could be as a result of this. Either way, he has no right to behave like this in front of your children, including the 18 yr old and you. I wouldn't report it but I wouldn't let him in the same house as your kids, would tell him to get help and if he persists report it to the police or social services. They will make sure he is not able to work with vulnerable people if it is proven that he is an emotional abuser. Nothing is worth putting up with crap like this - get yourself away from him. Good luck xxxx

Answer 3

Is your ex-partner now running this group to teach others what he learned from his own experiences? If this is the case then leave it alone. If, on the other hand, it is something that has occurred since he began running this group, then it is not the participating members you need to turn to but some type of review or licensing board.
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After reading your update, you should turn him in to someone higher up than he is. Verbal and emotional abuse is no different than physical abuse expect the effects can last alot longer. He really shouldn't be giving advice to anyone on a problem that he himself has.

Best wishes to mum and the baby.

Answer 4

I need more information.

If your ex partner is a reformed person and paid his/her dues with the law and his/her family then I do not have any problems. Experience is the best teacher. Probably he/she is using his/her own experience to guide the survivors.

However, if no remorse is shown and his/her actions went without the proper consequences the authorities should take care of the situation. It is best for you to stay at the margin of the situation. Contacting the authorities is the best alternative.

Yet, be certain of what you are doing. You do not want to end up as the bitter ex-partner.

Answer 5

Chances are, he was also abused. He has experienced abuse on both ends. Does this not qualify him to understand what these people have been through and what there needs are? It doesn't change what he has done but it sounds like he is not happy about what he has done and is trying to help educate others to the dangers of abuse. Why must your bitterness stop him from helping others? Stay out of it and mind your own business!

Answer 6

I am just wondering why after seven years of your husband being in the abuse group, have you only just now decided you want to to do something about it- if he is such a threat with breaking things etc and shouting in front of people ( plus having a personality disorder- of which we can only take your word for it) why didn't you do something earlier?

Answer 7

Abusers rarely see themselves as such and so he would probably be surprised to hear you say this.

Taking into consideration that he emotionally abuses his own children and most likely will grandchildren I think you would be remiss in not documenting and turning him in.

He should not be running any such kind of group as he is still guilty of this action. When he receives the help he needs then possibly he would be a good resource on what not to do or say.

|Meanwhile you need to protect your family from him as he could turn violent.

Answer 8

You do need to tell someone what is going on, get in contact with the head of the organization and talk to them about what is going on and if you don't feel that will work next time he is abusive call the police, but have you talked to him about it, does he even no that he is doing it, try talking to him about getting help tell him what he is doing to the children and get them help so they no that this is not their fault and they don't end up repeating the cycle and don' forget about you good luck!

Answer 9

It sounds like you are just frustrated and angry and are looking for ways to release it and make yourself feel better.
Stop picking on your "estranged" husband; who has only been gone 6 days.
When relationships go sour, both parties exhibit abusive behavior. It's normal and natural. Yelling and throwing things happens. Vindictive and manipulative behaviour is also common. It is just as bad as yelling for no "apparent reason".

Now that he's gone, leave him in peace.

Answer 10

...you don't say much about what happened that drove him to shout in your daughters face (which is awful but i can see myself doing it to someone if they've done something twisted and awful or really spiteful).
Your language usage suggests you're no princess of virtue either, if he's doing something good with his life now, and he's been wrong in the past, its better to forgive and move on, and keep your children safe from him if you feel you have justification in doing so. But if the man has changed (you say he is estranged from you) and he is doing something good to help others, then why try to destroy that unless your aim is to vindicate? i am not judging you or your husband, but trying to ask you to really look inside your heart and let sleeping dogs lie, so that a greater good can come of it.

Answer 11

even though he is your ex, its sounds like you want to shame him, but that wouldn't solve his problems or help anyone Else's, many people that run support groups are sufferers as well, unfortunately its the common knowledge that allows people to talk about their dark secrets so at least they have a chance of dealing with the problems.......take it out on his car if you must, but leave the issue alone.