The wife is leaving, should I keep her child? (she doesn't want "it")?

Question

My wife and I married two years ago knowing that we didn't really love each other and that the marriage was unlikely to last - we were both 21 and she was pregnant, the father of the child unknown. Now we are divorcing, and both of us are aware that the child is not biologically mine though I love her [child] dearly. My wife doesn't like or want the child and will adopt her out if I do not keep her. What should I do? -Signed, 23 in MN, last year of college-

Answer 1

The child probably looks at you as a father figure. If you want the child, keep her. The child will probably be better off with you. If you don't want her, the mother puts her up for adoption, whats to say that the child will have a good life? If you care enough about the child, keep her. There's nothing wrong with that. It's your last year of college, ask your family to help you out with the child while you're in class. I'm sure they'll help.

Answer 2

Ouch. This is a hard question, and one that only you can really answer. I'm sure that by now you've thought of all the ways being a single father will impact your life, so I won't enumerate those.

This I will say - morally, you are obliged to look out for this girl's best interests, since it's obvious that her mother can't. If you decide that you can't be the child's parent forever, try to get her mother let you to arrange for the adoption, and keep her until you find someone who meets *your* standards. This way, you can be sure that the girl is growing up in a secure, loving home, and not just with whoever would take her first.

You're a good man. Someday, you will have the loyalty and love of those you are good to as a reward for that.

Best of luck to all three of you.

Answer 3

this is not your decision to make. The courts need to determine what's in the best interest of the child when the divorce case comes up. She can't simply give you the child , like she was giving you a toaster that she no longer wanted. There may be others that have valid and legal reasons for wanting the child , such as her family ,or the fathers family.
As a rule, courts prefer to give a child to a member of the child's natural family before putting it up for adoption by the general public.
Get a lawyer and be a man about this tell the court that you want to adopt your daughter. You still may not get to keep her but I think it's worth a try.

Answer 4

That is so sweet of you to even consider keeping the kid.

The fact that you love the child and that you are actually considering keeping her tells me that you are going to be a responsible, loving father to her, regardless of whether or not her mother is there. In that case, I think it will be good for the child to stay with you.

I understand that there can be financial concerns because you are still in college. But it's your last year and it's just a few more months. So I have no doubt that you will be able to support the child.

I admire you for being responsible enough to want to take care of the kid and for properly evaluating your choices -- both for your sake and the kid's. That kid is lucky to have you for a father. And that wife of yours doesn't know what she's letting go of.

You're the most responsible 23-year old guy that I know of. =)

Answer 5

Once you are emotionally, financially, physically and spiritually able to care for the child, I don't see why not. BIologically fathering a child does not make you a father. You really seem to love this child even though she is not 'yours' but I am sure she has also formed a bond with you.

One loving and caring parent is better than two who don't give a rat's a$$. Just make sure you do it all legally so the ex does not show up suing you later.

Protect yourself and YOUR child. : ) May God bless both of you and guide you along the right path.

Answer 6

Would you be able to know that the child had a home with you but you choose to put him/her in foster care. The child will love you very much and call you dad and that will be such a blessing to have a child and be a young man that graduated college. Yes its a whole lot of responsibility but in the future he/she will thank you for what you have done. And remember that in the future many beautiful thing will come to you if take that child under your wings. Before doing anything negative think a lot, its a life of a innocent child.

Answer 7

If you want the child keep the child. You need to think about it hard though. Your wife is being selfishous and inconsiderate. She brought the child into the world, she should want the child. She's a *****. I'm glad your splitting up. You don't deserve something like that.

Can you raise the child as it was your own?? I would keep it if it was me. But if you do decide you don't want it, there are alot of loving families that would be happy to take her in.

Answer 8

If you really love the child you should check into you adopting the child. that would be the best way being that you are not the father. If she is going to give her up anyhow you should talk to her about you adopting the baby. If you are the only father the child knows than that would be best for the child.

Answer 9

I am not sure what MN laws are but in WI before you can adopt the child you have to find the father and have his sign his rights away or.. maybe sign a paper (lie) and claim the child as yours... no blood tested needed for that..

Do what is in your heart ok... it sure is not the child's fault the mother has no mothering love to give it.

Answer 10

If you love the child then adopt her. What is your wife puts her up for adoption and she ends up in the hands of a psycho? Pls do the right thing and raise the child as your own.