Marriage and Affair?

Question

I have a question I would like for a male who's experienced an affair to answer. I have been married for quite some time and recently had an affair. I did not go out on purpose to have this affair. I felt terrible and ashamed for having the affair as I still loved my husband. Some people find this hard to believe, but until you experience the lonliness in a marriage you won't know. I have voiced my concerns about us growing apart and how important is to spend time with our kids to my husband for many, many years only to have it basically ignored. The affair was over months ago and we have been to counseling and everything is going well now. We have established better communication and love for each other. Throughout this ordeal, he has remained extremely calm. My question is do you think he has has affair, which is why he remains so calm? He denies ever having an affair, but I'm perplexed at his emotional calm. I just want a man's perspective on my husband's state of mind.

Answer 1

I have been the victim of my wife's infidelity at least 3 times I know of. I too remained calm after initially having a fit of rage.I never hit her but I was about as angry as I ever was and it amounted to cursing her and throwing a few things around. After that I started to keep a close eye on her and saw it was still happening with 1 guy, and another was now in the picture too. At that point I was so low in self esteem, I decided that I too can find a willing woman for some casual sex. It was not hard to find a woman in the same boat as me who was more than willing to have sex. I carried on with her for almost a year having sex with her only 4 times. I ended this affair because I was not feeling any better by getting even, and I was just not into the woman. I see my wife is still hiding her past actions and I feel she is still a willing sex toy for some guys. I plan to divorce her because she is a sneak, a liar , and a cheat. If I do come across another woman that I can feel good with, I would not let her get past me. The next time I do find that woman, I will flaunt her in my soon to be ex's face. I however doubt anything I do to her will hurt her as much as she has hurt me. Don't get me wrong, I tried to do anything possible to repair my marriage only to see what a skank whore she is, doing whoever whenever she wants to.

Answer 2

I am not a man, but I hope you don't mind if I give you my opinion on this subject anyway! If you had already had an affair, and he is accepting this and trying to keep your marriage together,as well as letting you know that he has not had one then why is it bothering you? Do you seem to think that if you found out that he had had one that it would make everything fine and then you will be able to ease some of that guilt that you are having? It is a horrible thing to be unfaithful to the person that you are suppose to love & trust! But it is even worse when you try to make it out like he had done you wrong also when he hasn't, just to ease your consience! By trying to get him to admitt that he had one as well is not going to make you feel any better! Two Wrongs Does Not Make It All Right!!!!!!! Why don't you just accept the fact that you had made a mistake and that he is willing to make amends with it so that the two of you will beable to go on with your marriage and be happy together?
Good Luck!!!!

Answer 3

Well without knowing your husbands personality it would be hard to say for sure. I suppose it could be a possibility that he DID have an affair...but I dont know why he would still hide it knowing that you did also. He may just be bottling it up, or perhaps he is one of the very special people who has a great spirit of forgiveness and his love for you outweighs the hurt that was caused. Either way, a good marriage is based on two things:
-God
-Open communication.
Why not ask HIM why he doesnt seem as upset as you think he should be???

Answer 4

why can't he just b dealing with it in his own way,stop trying to put ur f*ck-up off on him. he knows the kind of person that he is inside sad that u being his wife u don't, the fact that u guys went to counseling and worked things out shows that. what would u rather have him do go out and have one of his own, let everyone know what kind of person u really r, kick u out the house r deal with it like the man that god intended him 2 be, & not what u think he should be r acting like. why not b greatful what he has done & doing based on u having an affair. just b GREATFUL!! him being calm is god watching over u. now start showing ur husband how greatful u r that he has stood by ur side throught all this.show him that ur heart belongs 2 him and only him. love ur husband & enjoy ur husband.

Answer 5

i don't think all married people have affairs but I'm sure at least half of all marriages do! Both men and woman now days don't know how to stay faithful and I'm not sure what the point of getting married exspecaily if the person knows that they are going to cheat!

Answer 6

Wow! first good thing is that you guys are working it out and getting the proper help for it. He might be having and affair, or he might just love you so much that he wants to stay with and get threw this because he doesnt want to leave you, thats why hes staying so calm.
Things happen, sometimes there bad mistakes but they happen
what I think is important here is that hes still in this marrage. that has to say something, that he still wants this to work.
I cant say if he has or hasnt,
Question: you need to aske your self this, in your marraige has he done anything that would hender his loyalty to you, has he done anything that would make you question him?
if not than you have to go by what hes saying that he hasnt had and affiar because his word is all you got.

THink about that k

Answer 7

it so true to hard to believe that you cheatting and still love your husband. Seem that you don't know how to sit down and talk to him or him won't listen.. need to talk about this asap. But you knew cheating is wrong and didn't take make you go out on purpose... at that time it happening you knew it cheating but you ingore it... you made that choice... now why are you thinking that he having affair??? well, you made it happen and now he won't tell you becasue you already did it and told the truth and he has the right not to tell you if he did or not.

Do you think it fair for him to hear you said yeah you cheating on him?? then he go behind your back and do it anyway? why do you care if he did or not??? it all begain is you. and you did it and now youshould of started going to counseling and from there but you didn't you do it wrong way and made you lead to this.

So there for sorry for being honest and hard for me to believeyou didn't do it on purpose but while you started in bedroom with the guy you knew it doing wrong... but you block it out...... that how I see this way.

Answer 8

Would you have felt better if he had yelled and screamed, broken things in the house, busted you in the mouth or all three?

Seriously, what do you expect him to do? Make a bad situation worse? You have betrayed him and he is crushed. Why don't you just feel grateful he is trying to work this out and move on?

What if he did have an affair? He is handling it a lot better then you.

Answer 9

Many times in my marriages I had the thought of cheating but never had the nerve to do it..
You did it to get his attention I am guessing and when he did not react.. you are worried if he cares or not..
Maybe he doesn't care.. maybe he has had somone on the side and now you payed him back and he doesn't feel guilty any more... could be he is thinking that you just gave him the right to cheat...

Answer 10

well I am amale and to be calm after the fact is kind of hard to understand,I can't say what your husband has or hasn't done. He is very understanding ,if he say he has not had an afair himself.I know myself i left the marage ofter finding the samething .I think you have a lot to look into in your self and your husband.