he has always been like this...but i am just to the point where i don't know what to do...he gets upset-pouts and sometimes shows his behind when i go to my best friends house...i WILL NOT bow down to him...he wants to be the boss...i tell him we are equal and this is a 50/50 relationship....he is okay til i go off with my best friend and then he starts drinking and shows his butt...he left for a couple of days we got into it so bad...but he is back...i want this to work..i want my baby to know his daddy....but not this side of him......what can i do...????how would you handle something like this...
i know most of you will say leave him...but i want other ways to try...i want us to be together and raise this baby...but i want to be happy...please your input....
2006-08-17 05:29:28 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Obviously he has insecurity issues. He doesn't think he is good enough to be with you so the only way he can make himself feel better is to manipulate you. He didn't just go to the convenience store one day and picked up his insecurity--he had it when you met him. There were probably many verbal and non verbal clues that you may not have picked up.
It not just that easy to say "leave him". I understand that you're in love with this guy and you want your baby to get to know him. But at the same time, you have got to put your own emotional and physical well being first. Its not good for you to be under any stress whatsover, but he needs to understand that he has two problems (alcohol and anger) and until he is willing to admit that he has a problem and wants to get help, I can't see a happy ending. He needs to understand that you are raising a child together, but that can't be possible if he can't accept the responsibility.
If he is verbally abusive and controlling now, it can definately lead to physical abuse. You need to be very honest with yourself of what may happen. If he is jealous of you going to your best friends house, do you think he will simply shape up and act right when it comes to your baby?
So I would insist on him getting help immediately and if refuses, then you need to simply do what's right for the baby. If that is leaving or staying, you really must decide that for yourself, and either way is not going to be easy, but simply doing nothing is not answer.
Its not about your happiness right now---its about your mental and physical well being of your unborn child, and what would be a good environment for him or her.
I hope what I said helps, and I know already that it may be unusual coming from a guy.
2006-08-17 05:52:02 · answer #1 · answered by rrticulate1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say you guys need to go to couples counseling.
A counselor will help you communicate to him why you need friends outside your relationship, and a life of your own outside your relationship.
They'll also be able to offer him better suggestions of how to deal with whatever it is that he's feeling when you visit your friend.
Almost everything that goes wrong in a relationship has to do with the fact that people never really learn how to communicate with each other. The other big issues are a lack of incorporating both sets of priorities, and money.
I think you two just need to figure out how to better express what your intentions are, and how to actually work through these coflicts without one or the other or both of you showing your butt!
It's only going to get worse after the baby is born, because that brings on a whole other set of issues, obligations, responsibilities, etc. You two can't agree on how you each spend your time now, a baby is going to impact your life. Like an asteroid the size of Jupiter hitting the earth!
You need to go to someone neutral and get this straightened out now, before it becomes a real problem. I really hope you go to counseling. I think your guy isn't really trying to control you per se'. I think it's some sort of self esteem issue, or a fear that he'll lose you, and it's played out in a really immature manner. He tells you it's cool to visit your friend, then pouts and drinks so that he can reinforce the negative consequences of your actions without having to say I don't want you to go. He knows the I don't want you to go isn't going to fly, so he's trying alternative methods to get you to quit going.
Put your foot down. You both go to counseling. He doesn't want to? Then I guess you go on your own, and try to fix it by yourself, but I don't think that'll work. You both have to want to fix this, and his refusal to try counseling should be considered a loud, selfish statement that he just doesn't care as much as you do about this relationship.
Good luck
2006-08-17 05:52:44 · answer #2 · answered by niffer's mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your options at this point are to either seek professional help - both of you - for this relationship, or else to do what you're not wanting to do and end this self-destructive pairing.
Nobody wants to be the "quitter" in a relationship, and for that reason you should try to get your guy to attend therapy sessions with you, as it seems (based upon what you've posted) that you're both in dire need of assistance - him for his behavior and you for your dogged insistence on tolerating it (even while you're telling everyone that you can't take any more).
Seek help, and if it doesn't work then leave. Otherwise, the example you're going to be setting for your child is not a healthy one.
2006-08-17 05:48:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That kind of thing only escalates. You should walk. Any man who wants control has it rooted in his head somewhere and if he doesnt get it he will result to other means.
So am still going to say what you already said we will tell you. Walk away, raise a normal child or else! Well you never know cause children will always be the fasted learners of whatever be it good or bad.
2006-08-17 05:50:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly he is jealous of your relationship with your friends. you really need to sit down and talk to him, and straighten things out, and if that doesn't work you need to leave b/c things will get worse, maybe if you do leave he ill know your a for real, and then change, sometimes you need to show him what it is like when your not always gonna be their for him.
2006-08-17 05:37:25 · answer #5 · answered by shorte716 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my boyfriend was very controlling in the beginning of our relationship so i can understand the only difference is we dont have kids. you need to sit him down and explain to him that while you love him you need to be able to go off with your friends without feeling guilty about it. you deserve a life too, and one that you are in charge of, no one else. explain to him that you want to be a family and that you aren't doing anything to disrespect him, but that he is disrespecting you because he is manipulating you (using guilt is total manipulation). if he sees that you are serious and if he really loves you, he'll work it out with you and you both will be able to compromise. it worked for me and my bf. he totally played the guilt card whenever i wanted to go out without him but we were able to work it out. good luck!
2006-08-17 05:38:34 · answer #6 · answered by Hypnotiq 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better try 2 explain him about how u feel
2006-08-17 05:37:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not good wish you the best of luck !!
2006-08-17 05:51:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he need to go to counseling. you need to also go to family counseling.If he won't go,you need to end this relationship.You don't want this kind of behavior around your baby.
2006-08-17 06:02:02 · answer #9 · answered by kikasman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just cut his balls off
2006-08-17 05:39:20 · answer #10 · answered by cave_man225 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋