Should I Leave him?

Question

I am 28 years old and living with a man who is 37. We are engaged and have been together for six years. He is a good guy with a good heart and he takes care of me and my nine year old daughter, making sure we have everything we could possibly need.The problem is he is an alcoholic. When we first met I was young and it did not seem to bother me.And he holds down a great job. On the weekends he starts drinking around 9 in the morning and drinks on through.When he drinks he can be very hurtful verbally. He says very disrespectful things and acts like he is God. We are to listen to him and our life will be better he says. I cannot contain him and he gets very racist and rants about anything that makes him unhappy. I love him with all of my heart and have never loved anyone like I do him.He is so dependent on me in everyday life and I am so afraid he will be destroyed if i leave. He says he will die. I am the only person he has learned to trust and I dont want to hurt him.

Answer 1

If hes a drinker he cant be around your daughter. It snot good for her, or you.
You could try the " i can only stay if you get help and stop drinking" but that can be pretty crazy to deal with too and you may find you dont like him sober either.
And there are NO guarantees he will remain sober.
I suggest you dont marry him and go live with family or move out on your own.
You can do it. I think you may have stayed because as bad as he is its still comfortable for you.
Also try Alanon meetings for support.

Answer 2

When you first meet someone and they have a problem like alcohol..they won't stop. You have to think about what is best for you and your daughter, if you continue to stay with him the situation will not get any better. When a people abuses you verbally that hurts more than physically. Get out while you still can. Pray about it and ask God to look over you and your daughter and, to send you 2 in the rite direction. You will be just fine.

Answer 3

I married at 19 to a man who was 35 - same thing - he had a good job, seemed like a great guy, he was verbally abusive for many years when he was drinking, it eventually turned to him being physically violent with my son and then eventually violent with me - by the time all this happened I was so emotionally depleted and self -esteem so low I didn't know what to do, I finally got the guts to leave him (he beat the crap out of me) and I stayed gone - it was hard I had 2 children by then and was only 25 years old - but I made it and you can do - if you are asking if you should leave then you probably already know the answer.

Stay strong!

Answer 4

As always, an addict has to want help before you can usually help them. One thing you can try is taping his worst episodes of behavior and then showing them to him when he is sober so he can actually see how bad things are. The other thing is to explain to him that you are slowly dying because of this behavior and that eventually it is going to come down to him or you and your not willing to die over his addiction. Ultimately you have to do what is best for you and your daughter and he needs to realize that includes leaving him if changes aren't made. At that point remove all the alcohol from the house and take him to an AA meeting. I really hope he realizes how lucky he is to have you and makes the choice that, his relationship with you is more important than the alcohol.

Answer 5

I know how hard it is to leave a man that youve been with for soo long and love with your whole live. But he has to learn his lesson, tell him your leaving him and go stay with your family or a friend with your children, dont talk to him, your really not leaving him, but your just teaching him a lesson, if you dont want to leave him, than do that, he will be very angry at first, than when he realized what he has done, he will be very sorry, and come crawling back to you. You need to let him know that he is a string away from losing everything. And he needs to stop becuz you dont like that, and you dont want your child growing up in that kind of home, with an alcholic husband! He will feel threatened and realized that he is losing you. But you need to teach him a lesson.

Just be strong, and keep your head high!

Answer 6

i have been married for 7 years. when we first met he drank alot and i have had problems in the past with an alcoholic and abusive father and he was aware of it. when my husband asked for my hand a year after we met, i had said no that i couldn't because of the drinking. i told i would not ask him to stop, but if him chose to drink than i chose not to be with him. well he stop drinking and we got married. in the beginning he did try and test it a couple of time and we didn't sleep in the same house those nights. even though he would never become abusive that is the one thing that i had to be strong about, but it wasn't hard. i had found someone who really would do anything for me and has with no regrets. so in my opinion he if loves you he will willingly give up something that is much less gratifying to be happy with the one he loves.

hope it helps

Answer 7

Yeah but you have to think of your daughter first and you second. Its not good for your daughter to grow up in this situation. Your not going to have an easy life living with an alcoholic, believe me. His problem is only going to get worse over the years to come. You have to look out for yourself. Believe me, he wont die without you.

Answer 8

You sound like you are more worried about your drunk boyfriend than you are your child. GET OUT NOW. I have been there and know what I'm talking about. Your child is going to be hurt by this.

Answer 9

I would talk to him about the problem and if he cant change at least a lil it is obviouse he doesnt feel the way you think he does... :) good luck

Answer 10

if he really cared about you & would die if you left him he would be trying to get help for his drinking problem & he wouldn't be verbally abusive to you & your daughter