my husband used to be a drug attic. i trusted him last night to take a couple of pills that would make him high. and when he woke up this morning he was definately acting not like himself in a really bad way. he has 2 of the pills left and i told him to get rid of them. he wouldnt so i told him that it is the pills or me. he knows i wont leave him so i told him that i will not talk to him or go around him untill he disposes of the pills. he still hasnt. what action should i take (besides leaving him, he is a wonderful husband and father)
2006-08-17 05:00:53 · 31 answers · asked by im so yummy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it's too bad you enabled him in the first place, especially since you knew he has had a problem in the past. try getting him to recognize that he has a problem that effects people other than himself
2006-08-17 05:07:05 · answer #1 · answered by Marina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, once a drug addict, always a drug addict. I don't mean that a drug addict will never stop using. I am a drug addict but I have been clean for 6 years. I will always be a drug addict. The expression "1 is too many and a thousand is never enough" is something I think about every day. I know I can't take any kind of mood altering drug because that will open that Pandora's box and I never want to go there again. If he's not going to get rid of them you not talking to him will be a blessing in his eyes cuz then you won't be bitching at him. If you won't go around him that will give him the freedom to go and do whatever he wants to do. If he knows you won't leave him - well you've given him carte blanche to do as he pleases and you'll be there to keep the household running. If he goes back to using drugs that wonderful husband and father image will be gone in a heartbeat. Your only recourse is to hit him where it hurts the most and the hardest. It's called tough love and it's the ONLY way to get through to a drug addict who doesn't see what he's doing to the people he loves. Drug addicts believe they are only hurting themselves so no harm done. If you give him an ultimatum you have to use the one thing that will hurt him the most and if that means leaving with the kids, then that is exactly what you have to do. If you don't the drug use will go on and just get worse. Someone else said go to an Al-Anon meeting and that was real good advice. Talk to other people in your shoes and see what advice they will give you. But the tough-love theory is what you will hear over and over again. It was done to me 6 years ago and I've had urges but I think about what I nearly lost and it scares me straight.
2006-08-17 13:48:53 · answer #2 · answered by blustang04 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are the one that has seen the bahavior change so you will have to make the call. Never trust an addict around pills or alcohol, even if they think they can handle it that is not what ends up happening. It is also very important for an addict to let their doctor to know they have a problem with drugs to minimize the chance of waking a sleeping giant. NEVER let him take anything else on trust otherwise you will be what is called an enabler. Talk to him about this as sson as possible and make it clear that you will leave if he takes anything else and mean it. Just because it might have been just his manner this time addiction is a progressive diesease and will get worse.
2006-08-17 12:20:17 · answer #3 · answered by uniroyalfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have experience with being married to an addict. You continue to be an enabler, as evidenced by you saying "you trusted him to take a couple of pills that would make him high." You cannot have it both ways. I found that getting on his case about it never helped. What did help was that I removed myself from the dramatics that always ensued - he didn't get yelling from me anymore or tears or even the suggestion that it moved me at all. One day I just sat him down and told him I had something to say and I told him very calmly that I knew I'd never change him, it was up to him, and that the choices he made would decide our future as a couple. I would stand by him if he tried to quit, but if he continued I would go my own way since I wasn't willing to sacrifice my own happiness for his addiction. I told him I would always love him, that would never change - but I would choose not to live like this in short order so he had a decision to make. It may not be the decision you are hoping for, but I got lucky. He's been straight now for 6 months. My biggest challenge will be when he has a setback and I still have to experience that, I can feel it coming like a bad storm. If you really love him, you cannot continue to enable him, it does nothing but hurt both of you. I wish you both the best of luck.
2006-08-17 12:29:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
For one, it's addict, not attic. An attic is an area above your house that you store things in.
For two, how do you "trust" him to take a couple pills that would make him high? You SUPPORT his drug habit? If you trusted him to do that, you obviously support him, so the consequences are your own.
For three, he's a wonderful husband?! Man, I sure am glad my husband is truly wonderful without having to be a drug addict. A "wonderful" husband doesn't need drugs.
2006-08-17 12:25:53 · answer #5 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is like giving a suicidal person a gun with only two bullets and urged him to pull the trigger...but it didn't fire...now you don't want him to pull the trigger but are not willing to take the gun away from him...he will continue to play until he either realizes he will lose it all and quit or blow his brains out...you all ready admit and have allowed him to know you won't leave him...so he won't lose everything if he continues to get high...so he will continue this abuse...and you are allowing it....its got to be ..drugs or you...because if he chooses drugs your marriage as you know it is over anyway...because the more he uses the less a wonderful husband and father he will be or be capable of being...
2006-08-17 12:14:04 · answer #6 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, its party your fault for allowing him to take the pills. Why would you let a recovering drug addict take some pills to get him "high" thats just dumb on your part. You cant blame him all on this because some of it was your fault. Maybe if you would have been a more responsible adult, your husband would still be drug free TODAY. good job. tell him to go to rehab, obviously he needs help.
2006-08-17 12:08:22 · answer #7 · answered by Ricki M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK sure he is a good husband and father and an attic. Your the one with the problem. You can do what would be the correct thing to do. Get a grip on yourself. Get help for you both. Do it for your kids. Stop making it sound like it is not bad. BECAUSE IT IS BAD.
2006-08-17 12:13:21 · answer #8 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, I'm only a teenager but I'm going to give you my BEST opinon. Try convincing him to go into counceling. If that doesn't work, you should probably divorce him. Because no kid wants a dad who is constantly taking and acting really stupid in front of them and being a bad influence for them. Also, if he keeps this up, he'll start caring more about his drugs and will start neglecting his entire family, and neither you nor your kids want that. So if nothing works, divorce is the best option.
2006-08-17 13:42:11 · answer #9 · answered by Paul W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
they never get over this, they are always recovering...u excepted that and u still love him..but obv this is bothering u and effecting your relationship together..I know you may feel obligated to help him out, and at times it may seem that no matter what you do it does not help. Well I think you might have heard this one before but if he really wanted the help, or if he really thinks he needs help then he would start helping himself. Basicly he is already making the choice, he prefers the pills to you. there is nothing u can do he has to help himself and u need to make him realize that u dont like this and it hurts u and u dont want to be with someone like that..u CANT change him HE needs to do this on his own
2006-08-17 12:17:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i honestly think you should sit him down, and explain to him how you really feel, and that you admire him as a father and a husband, that you love him and dont want him to do any damage to himself, bc thats cheating away time with you and your kids. explain to him how it hurts you to see him like that, he needs to find a substitute, like you taking him somewhere to relax and put his mind at ease, not letting him think that the only way to feel good is to get high off pills. its more of a mind thing than an addiction. i think if it gets really bad you should seek help, but then again just ask him to be strong and you guys will pullthrough this, seeking help sometimes just gives you more medication to take to control your brain. i think if you guys have a nice long talk and express your feelings, things would be better. you just have to be his back brace when he thinks no one is there to catch him. <2 good luck
2006-08-17 12:13:33 · answer #11 · answered by fable f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋