That's awesome... and a bit sad. I really like it.
2006-08-17 04:57:25
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answer #1
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answered by woodwinman 4
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I like it. You can feel everything going on beneath the lines. It feels like you just poured yourself out onto the page, plus it's on a topic that everyone can understand. Sometimes simple - and I don't mean stupid! - language is best for things so fundamental. Your poem comes across as raw and honest and universal. And if this is based on something true, I bet it helped to get it out!
(I have to say - just a little editing grammar-wise, and it'll be perfect).
2006-08-22 22:59:12
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answer #2
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answered by Suzy1B 2
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I like it! It may not be a prize-winner, but I can really relate to it, by switching the roles in my mind. I'm sure a lot of people can. You have the ability to touch people on a personal level. That, I think, is how great poetry starts.
2006-08-23 20:57:25
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answer #3
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answered by WillyC 5
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Cast aside
Cast aside and thrown up the mercy of hell I was beaten down in to the flames to live an eternal life in the ever burning fire. Pain being my only future and the flames scorching, burning my body I look up at the black swirling sky. Just then just for a moment, I saw a brake in the clouds and curt a glimpse of haven and as I watched the pain faded as flames around me died in to distant memory. I saw a beautiful face, beautiful eyes and a beautiful smile. I stole a picture of haven in your face and the clouds closed up around you shutting me out. Again I was beaten down, beaten back in to the hellish flames.
lol sorry just had to. yours is ok, just looks like u need practise right often and right what u feel
2006-08-22 15:44:52
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answer #4
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answered by mort_the_apprentice 2
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um...it's alright. i think it could be a great poem, because i like what you are trying to say in it, but i just think that you could use more detail or different wording or something. i don't know. but if you like it, then who am i to say any different.
but hey check out some of my poems that i posted on here and tell me what you think! they are a bit depressing, but i could use some feedback from a fellow writer. :-)
isn't writing awesome?? it's such a great outlet and a great way to express emotion. keep writing girl!
2006-08-17 12:02:33
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answer #5
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answered by lifeistough_period 1
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Sweet and to the point. I just love poems written by others and that touches the person's heart!
Keep it up and don't stop writing !!
2006-08-24 14:44:05
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answer #6
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answered by Doc Rick 3
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I really like it. I love rhyming poems so that's a big reason why i like this poem it has some rhymes in it. Anyway it's really good and i like the subject of it.
2006-08-24 22:04:44
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answer #7
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answered by jalisa08701 3
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It's good because you expressed your feelings, how can you be wrong with that? It's nice seeing another poet. I write some poems. You can see them in the link in my profile if you wish :)
2006-08-17 12:03:03
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answer #8
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answered by Steph 4
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Not bad. It's a sight better than I have ever done. It kinda shows how I have felt a couple of times before.
2006-08-17 19:04:20
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answer #9
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answered by myshortstory 2
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When i first read it, it did not do anything for me. Then i read it three times and the more i read it the more i liked it. Yes! it's a good poem.
2006-08-24 23:46:32
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answer #10
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answered by candlelight 2
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Please check it out! We hope to grow quickly and become a responsible and friendly place for authors/artists to meet and critique.
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2006-08-24 21:53:10
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answer #11
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answered by authorspost 1
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