As horrible as the title makes it, I don't need anyone telling me what a piece of s*** I am for this. We work together, he is 27, married, no kids, he works ALOT. He is head chef at the restaurant. He works from 12pm-2am on weekends 10am-12pm weekdays. His wife works mornings, and they only have one day off together. So they don't get to see each other alot at all. We were hanging out on a Friday night after the retaurant had closed (with other people), but they left leaving just him and I. I went to leave and he just grabbed me and hugged me. He then kissed me. I did push him back and say "you're married" I told him "I do want you, have an interest in you, but you are married." I know him and his wife are not happy, and he told me he is not happy, but secure. We ended up having sex and he said I could have him as long as I wanted. Every week or so we hang out and this happens. II don't know if he has feelings for me, but I know I love him. I just don't know how he feels, any advice?
2006-08-17 04:46:51 · 59 answers · asked by CJSmartz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Got a little experience of this myself (kinda reversed so I was in your shoes). Also means I know you are not a $hit!
If for him it's just about the sex walk away as fast as you can. It's not fair on you.
If he too has feeling for you you need to get the rest of the "stuff" sorted before it becomes a relationship based exclusively on sex. If you are meant to be he will understand that.
Though times ahead eitherway. Prepare for some heart ache and serious crying but don't allow yourself to be used in that way!
PS how old are you? Similar age or big difference?
2006-08-17 04:56:18 · answer #1 · answered by e404pnf 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, what do you think of yourself. Do you even have respect for yourself? I'm not judging you nor am I am being critical on you but how can you respect yourself and love who you are as a woman while having an affair with a married man? You really don't want our advice. Do you? You just want us to somehow justify what you are doing is right and that there is nothing wrong with the situation just because he is unhappy in the marriage. You can be with someone that you know has no intension of leaving his wife? and thank God no children are involved. I don't understand some women. He isn't yours to be with and you know that he is married but what makes it ok is that he isn't happy and he and his wife rarely see each other. No matter what way you look at it the both of you are wrong and you both are sinning before God. Look at it like this, if the 2 of you are in the middle of a sex act and you both by some weird chance happen to die God forbid, where do you think your soul is going? A man is going to be a man married or not. You have to respect yourself more and be the stronger person to say no because you belong to the woman that God blessed you with and if he wanted you to be with me then you and I would be married not you and your wife. Try building your self-esteem and leave him alone for your soul's sake.
2006-08-17 04:59:03 · answer #2 · answered by sharethalove 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Affairs can be exhilarating, exciting, passionate and romantic. They can also - more commonly - be damaging, destructive, cruel, painful, time-wasting and demeaning.
But what is an affair? Well, what it's not is a drunken fumble at the firm's Christmas party. It isn't a one-night stand either. Neither is it a romance between two people who are both free of other entanglements.
An affair is a sexual relationship that lasts more than one night where at least one of the lovers is publicly committed to someone else.
And, sadly, affairs inevitably hurt someone and frequently they hurt all the parties involved including children, if there are any. Some affairs of course end happily for the couple - let's face it, plenty of good second marriages began as illicit romances - but the vast majority of extra-marital liaisons don't end in a new marriage or relationship. In fact I estimate that at least 80 per cent end up unhappily and cause misery all round. So starting an affair is not a brilliant step to take - and yet people do it all the time.
2006-08-17 04:52:39 · answer #3 · answered by DanE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been there only I did not know the guy was married. At least you have that benefit. I know this is not what you want to hear but it is my feeling that the probability is high that you are in for a real heartache.
It was very much the same situation with me and this fellow only after dating 2 years he comes clean, says he is getting a divorce...and guess what, never does.
We said we loved each other too. If you were married also and had no plans to leave and could keep up this should I say almost polygomous type relationship I say go for it.
But because you are single and have illusions of love I would say not for you. This is such a hard thing because you work with him and you want him.
HE SHOULD GET DIVORCED AND BE WITH YOU IF HE LOVES YOU. The only way is to ask him to do it, and give him a time-frame.
2006-08-17 04:54:47 · answer #4 · answered by Shebaby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's really no answer that you're going to find any solace from. It's not right for someone to write love letters. And people sometimes don't end marriages because they still love their partner. The problem is, love can grow during a marriage while passion fades. Work, kids, life... they all make it more difficult to keep the spark alive. Again, no excuse. She's wrong. But it happens. And all those questions you listed ... those are all factors that can also contribute to a break, but there's no magic bullet. There's not just one thing. Lots of things collide and sometimes relationships are shattered. I truly hope you can find some peace, whether with your wife or without her.
2016-03-16 23:18:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, maybe because you give motives to him that you like him, so he just go with the flow. How can you be sure that he doesn't love his wife? Ahm on the first place, why would you be willing to give your all to him, or let me say, sex, when you know on the first place he is married. IT's you who's gonna get hurt in the end. Having a relationship with a married person is not a good idea at all. So ok he will leave his wife, and you replace her position. You think he won't do the same thing again, like cheat? I don't think so. Once a player, always a player, unless he's a complete change person. Think about it.
2006-08-17 04:56:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's so funny. He's successful, married, and your superior, so it's only naturally you'll develop feelings for him. I take it you're in your early 20s and haven't build up much of an emotional defense mechanism yet. I'm all of those things that he is and more, so let's hook up before you become more mature. LOL...
Advice: Get a new job. Everyone at work already knows and thinks your a whore. You can also sue him and the restaurant, but you don't seem like the type.
2006-08-17 07:54:14 · answer #7 · answered by Mack L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't help how you feel., but he's still married. My ex-husband did the same thing to me. If he's unhappy in his marriage, he needs to resolve that before getting too serious with you. Otherwise you're just sex to him and there will likely be no future (which is what I'm assuming you want). Sorry to say, but you'll probably be the one to get hurt the most from all this. One more thing: (sorry to be so blunt) are you sure you're the only one he's having an affair with?
2006-08-17 04:57:41 · answer #8 · answered by T.G. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't give yourself to a married man. What future is there in it? He is using you for sex, the comment that you can have him as long as you wanted......disgusting. Obviously there are no feelings if he said you can leave him when YOU want. Why would he leave? He's getting what HE wants. Tell him if he needs sex and his wife isn't home to be his own best friend, you're not interested.
2006-08-17 04:53:48 · answer #9 · answered by hummingbird 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first piece of advice is don't have sex with a married man, unhappy or not. Think of how you'd feel if you were the wife. Secondly, I wouldn't 'hangout' with him any more until he made some decisions in his life. If he's truly unhappy, he needs to do something about it, and you need to stay out of the way until he does. Trying to be as nice as possible here, being a wife myself.... ;)
2006-08-17 04:54:05 · answer #10 · answered by FairyGirl73 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋