I'm a stay at home mom and my husband says I don't pull my weight financially for the family?

Question

I Clean, grocery shop and take care of our son. Ok I hate cooking, but I do cook. He's so picky on what to eat. He works during the day and sometimes does side work in evenings and weekends. He makes decend money, more then I ever could. Which leads me to the problem I have with him saying why can't I fined a job that would make more then $9 or $10 an hour. See I would have to be able to afford to pay daycare and if I am I would only be pulling in a small bit. He said that's better then nothing. He said if I get a job he will help out around the house. I tried this before and I ended up so worn out from taking care of my son, cooking, cleaning and everything else.

It seems like retail is the only thing I'm quilified for and I really truelly am not happy working retail.

He's on vacation this week from work and we got in a big arguement because he wanted to do his own think while I watched our son. He would watch our son for a bit and then wonder why I'm not watching him so he can enjoy his vacation. I said well when do I get my vacation? Anyway, I went to the mall while he was napping and my husband calls my cell phone and tells me not to bother coming home. I get home and there's a note saying don't come in from husband and son. There was a chair infront of the door. So I took my son to my parents which he didn't object because he said he was tired of providing for our family and not getting anywhere. We ended up back at home because my son was up all night couldn't sleep away from his bed.

Answer 1

Going to wrok with kids is not worth it...I'm a stay at home mom too, my husband and I make it work...we just recently moved 1700 miles across the country so he could get a better paying job. It was either that or I was going to work and we've agreed from the beginnig that we donot want other people raising our kids. Besides do you have any idea how much money you would have to make to justify the cost of child care? Oh and don't forget the expense of gas money to take them everyday and to get yourself to work, especially these days. And then beyond financially what about all the reasons you had to stay home in the first place? Do those just not matter anymore? Your children will need to adjust too and that can be hard.



Just read above...
What you should have done was left by yourself, you should have made your husband deal with your son for the rest of the night. Sounds llike you all have bigger issues then this whole work thing...your husband sounds like a spoiled brat and a real pain in the ***! I think you two need some serious counseling because you are on the fast track to divorce this way. Good luck sweety!

Answer 2

It sounds like there is more going on here than financial issues. He put a note on the door saying don't come in? That is the last that man would see of me! A job is more than just a way of bringing in money. It gives you choices. Rather than put up with his crap, I would find a job, then find somewhere else to live. See how he likes working all day to come home to an empty house and have to cook his own dinner too! If you are willing to tolerate being treated like this rather than work outside the home, there is not much that others can do to help you.

Answer 3

Well, it depends on how much day care would be and how much you'd make. You'd have to figure out if it would be worth it. If you worked at $9.00 an hour, 40 hours a week, you'd get, oh, roughly $150 take home pay a week after taxes and daycare expenses.
To me, this would not be worth it. But it might be worth it for you, I don't know what your financial situation is.

I do work full time and my husband works full time and we have two kids. It works well for us but my parents watch our kids while we're working so we don't have daycare costs. If you can find someone to watch your son (or even work IN a day care!) that would be good.

You could even offer to babsit out of your home or perhaps sell Mary Kay or something like that? Again I don't know what your financial situation is like but it sounds like he's being a jerk. Explain that you'd only get $150 a week take home pay if you worked 40 hours and that it would hardly be worth it.

Perhaps you could get a part time job in the evenings while he's home. That would probably work.

Answer 4

If you and your husband decided that you would be a stay at home mom, why does he expect you to pull your weight financially?

Either he'll have to be happy with you having a small part-time job. Or, maybe you should go back to work full-time. This way, you'll have money more to pay for daycare.

You both need to sit down and have a good talk about this. Tell him what he gets (and doesn't need to do) when you're at home full-time, and what he would have to do if you went back to work.

Weigh all the pro's and con's and figure out what would work best.

Answer 5

I am sorry your husband doesn't see the importance of what you do at home.I am a stay home mom and our child is not even born yet and my husband is fine with it.He knows what i do around here and he understands that if i got a job i would have to pay 125 a week for the baby in daycare and gas every week it would not be worth it.I am saving money by staying home.So maybe if you sat down with your husband and calculated what you would spend a week versus what you would make he may understand better.Sounds like to me he just doesn't want to be a man and take care of his family but that is what you have to do when you get married and have kids.you should tell him he should be proud about what he does for his family.

Answer 6

Your husband needs to realize that daycare is expensive and the money you would waste on having someone else watch your son would cancel out the money you would be earning. Not to mention the quality time he would lose being raised by his mother and not by some stranger. I think that too many kids are being raised by daycare centers.

I hate to break it to your husband but you have a job. You are providing childcare, cooking, cleaning services, laundry I assume and transportation for your son when he needs to go to the doctor or anywhere else. If it wasn't for you, your husband wouldn't be able to go to work. He would have to hire childcare. The difference with your job is that you aren't getting paid and you are not being appreciated obviously.

He needs to get his head out of his a$$ and realize that staying at home with children is a legitimate job and he needs to appreciate that it is hard work and can be quite lonely and draining at times. I have five kids. I can relate times five. Tell him where to stick it....you deserve to take time out for yourself too....

Answer 7

the fact is being a stay at home mom, which i am of 4, 2 in school, it really is an unappreciated position to be in.sure there are plenty of times i feel like im not pulling my financial wieght. but there is time for that in the future for now my place is in the home until they go to school. it sounds like there is more going on with him, and thats the way it comes out. just find some peace in the home and i hope it works out for you. but you are doing the right thing by staying home. hes probably just at a point where he stressed with everytging and stuff like that you just have to work through.

Answer 8

Try being a mortgage loan officer, some state you don't need a licenses. It is easy, and great money. I work, take care of 3 kids alone, and I'm ok. Sounds like you just got to used to laying around the house. A job might do you great. I stayed home and when i got out and got a job I felt even better to be away for awhile.

Answer 9

tell him to kiss your a** let him stay at home for a wee and see if he can handle it and let him know that if you do get a job who is going to do the house work and all the other stuff you do?him? ha ha very few men can do it. and if women got paid just min wage for all the different jobs the did at home we would be rich! there has been studies done on it and stay at home moms work just as hard as men!

Answer 10

tell him to get a grip on reality.I have 6 kids,part-time job,homeschool,cook,clean,do laundry.My hubby makes good $.By law he cannot keep you out of the house.Doesn't matter if he pays for everything.Everything he owns is half yours.I told my man if he wants me to homeschool,part-time is the best I can do.Tell him to try to afford your services elsewhere(cook,maid,nanny,house manager,"personal"services)He couldn't afford it or do what you do on his best day!If he's willing to trade all those services that he's getting for free in exchange for your full time job he's sadly not thinking about all the real costs.Tell him your volunteer services are hard to find.I told my hubby"If you don't like it,do it yourself or do things my way" He'll accept it or keep on crying.Hand him a tissue if you have to but DO NOT let him push you.