I have a brother whos wife cant hold a job and they have two kids. They jut bought a house and my wife and I just bought a house. Our house is in a nicer city, near great schools, etc, etc and my brother was forced to buy a piece of crap house in a gang invested area. Ever since we bought our homes about a month ago, he has been playing mean tricks on my wife and I. I have no idea why. all I can surmount is he is probably jealous. How do I stop the tricks and games? The man is a nobody and plays computer games all day long and does nothing to better his family. His wife controls him and forces him to cook and clean. Is this his way of venting about his own frustrations?
2006-08-17 04:45:20 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
My brother has always played tricks on me and never respected me #1 becuase im younger and #2 Ive always been sort of the family clown. Ive tried to change my image over the past year and be more respectable and masterful, yet I still get no respect. So my brother doing his tricks is not completely out of the norm, although it has picked up in the past month since buying our homes.
2006-08-17 04:47:50 · update #1
I made it sound as if my brother has no job. He does have a job, but plays computer games all the time during his job. When he gets home he also plays computer games until 2 or 3am.
Yah, you know... this has nothing to do with me. They guy is older and he should be already in control of his life by now. Not teaching his kids that the only thing in life is games.
My family also gives my wife and I hard times.. for why I dont know.. Its not fair. Saying things like "Ohh Mark! Youre so smart to buy a house near your work!" OK, he lives 3 minutes from his work but its in a bad neighborhood. Is that really "smart"? I picked a house 25 minutes away and my family basically puts me down for doing so.
2006-08-17 05:06:39 · update #2
Another instance- My wife just enrolled in a university to study accounting and business. Shes the accountant at our family biz. My sister (age 46) also plays computer games all day long at work (its a family biz) and my mom says to my wife "ohh your studying on company time? then walks over to my sister and says "you look so happy and content playing your little computer games. how sweet".
What type of crap IS THIS going on in my family? Its not ok for my wife to study accounting to help the biz, but its perfectly normal for my sister not to do her job and to play computer games? I frankly dont understand why people are treating my wife and I so bad.
2006-08-17 05:07:58 · update #3
Id like to comment on BIG HARRY Bs comment: "The measure of ones wealth isn't always a reflection of their bank account."
I completely agree. Im not rich dude. We just bought a house and are scrimping by. But at the same time, Im 32 with a house and my brother is 42 with his first house. Everyone in my fam says so much how he deserves a house now, but doesnt say that for my wife and I. He deserves a house? He choose the path in life he took... to play computer games all day long. To buy leather sofas and $4000 computer gaming systems (one for each of them!). My wife and I ate hardly anything for a year anda half to save up for a down payment for a house.
2006-08-17 05:14:26 · update #4
It sounds like you're moving in another direction than your family. You're no longer the clown and you're building something up. A lot of times families feel threatened by that. They used to be able to "read" you. That's somehow "safe". Now you're doing something else. You will find that if you change in a certain way, people around you will react to that. Either in a positive or in a negative way. You're just not safe and predictable for your family anymore by reacting the way they do they maybe hope you will get back to the clown you once were. Maybe you've outgrown your family. And, indeed, it's totally up to you if and how much time you spent with your relatives.
2006-08-17 05:17:00 · answer #1 · answered by chocolatebunny 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your brother is jealous and spiteful, and he is trying to poke a stick in your cage. If he spent half as much time and energy trying to better himself as he did trying to reduce you, he might actually feel some success.
It is so much easier to bring others down to the level that one feels that he is at, then to try to rise to that level that one sees others at.
The best thing you can do is to either avoid them completely, or to help them get started. What I mean is to find an opportunity that suits them, and encourage tham to go for it.
You say they play lots of games? That is like an addiction, like drugs or alcohol. It is a way to tune out and turn off, so they don't have to face society and challenge themselves.
They are both afraid of challenges because they are afraid to fail. They see you and your success, and think they won't ever measure up so why bother. The only thing to remedy that is for them to accomplish things to build themselves up.
Everyone is good at something. Who do you think designed those games that they play? How much do you think game designers get paid? See where I am going with this?
Maybe your mere existance reminds them of their shortcomings, but you don't have to flaunt them, I am sure you are not nearly as skilled or proficient with some things, that they are.....
humble yourself and look for those things. Ask for their help. Encourage them to develop those things because they ARE marketable....and if they could take some online certification classes, and break into that field, then their skills ARE valuable to some, and could bring them some successes that could be EXTREMELY validating.
They will treat you better when they feel like you are all on the same level. You have to give up feeling superior to make that happen.
Do some research, share some info with them. If you truly want family peace, then you have to commit to taking the high road. You have to be the hero here......
Give them a nudge in the right direction, but make it THEIR idea. Don't steal anyone's thunder. Keep the satisfaction to yourself. It can't be all about you all the time. Share the stage and the spotlight for once.....
2006-08-17 12:38:23 · answer #2 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just straight up confront him - Dude, why are you being juvenile here? What's with the lame tricks? Do you need some help with something or do you need to talk about something??
Lots of people will cave if you simply point out how infantile they are.
That's sad. Don't let their behavior effect your marriage.
2006-08-17 11:53:36 · answer #3 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its called sibling rivalry.
You really cannot control what other people do. You can only control how you react to these situations ..Tell him to change his ways or you will see less and less of him. He sounds like he is unhappy with the choices he made and might be envious of the choices you made.
You can control how much time if any you spend with him.
2006-08-17 11:50:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
tell him to grow up and take responsibility for his own life, and if he wanted to he could do better. that's if he can,u didn't say if he has problems or not that keep him from working. maybe invite him and wife over for dinner and tell him hey i love you and everything but this has to stop.i don't think you would want to get the police involved as long as no one gets hurt.
2006-08-17 11:54:57 · answer #5 · answered by annie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
HOW DOES YOUR BROTHER SUPPORT HIS FAMILY IF THEY DON'T WORK?
I WOULD JUST STAY AWAY FROM HIM. AND DON'T LET ANYONE EVER BE MEAN TO YOUR WIFE. YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR BROTHER THE B.S HAS GOT TO STOP, THAT HE HAS GONE TOO FAR WITH HIS TRICKS.
BY HIM AND HIS WIFE NOT WORKING THEY ARE TEACHING THEIR KIDS ITS OK TO SLACK OFF IN LIFE, THEY AREN'T DOING THEIR CHILDREN ANY FAVORS BEING THAT WAY.
2006-08-17 11:56:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't seem like he's jealous. It appears that he's being himself. I think you want him to be because you feel like you're better then him. The measure of ones wealth isn't always a reflection of their bank account.
2006-08-17 11:57:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Either continue to put up with him but with love...maybe that will cause him to open up to you about his odd behavior. If that doesn't work, just try to stay away from him. His attitude will damper your spirit and noone needs that kind of negativity.
2006-08-17 11:52:21 · answer #8 · answered by Emi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was gonna say something but " Lucky beetle " kind of nailed it, right on !
2006-08-17 12:06:28 · answer #9 · answered by Catt 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"
2006-08-17 11:51:18 · answer #10 · answered by Mike Dub 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋