Husband gets upset from wife.?

Question

My wife, a 19 year old and me 26 years old, usually have small fights over small matters involving trust and love. We are misunderstanding each other many times and this has nothing to do with our true feelings. The problem is misunderstanding, she doesn't normally mean what she says and it hurts me, while I say something bad in anger after listening to that and she gets upset. How to solve this type of problem. Please guide us, I am hoping that we can understand each other with complete faith, honesty and love without this problem of not being able to communicate fully with each other, because most of the time I think that she's rude and she thinks I will get angry. This creates a communicational gap between us. We discussed this matter with each other several times, but this communicational problem continues to build walls between us. Please help.

Answer 1

YOU BOTH CONTINUE THAT BEHAVIOR CAUSE YOU BOTH GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT. WHAT? I DON'T KNOW. YOU NEED TO FIGURE THAT OUT.

Answer 2

It would really help if you both would stop and think before you speak. Also, if there is a problem that she would like to discuss with you if she waits and approaches you with love this would not create any anger from you. Try roll playing. Go to the park, zoo, or any activity and pretend to be the other person. Respond to each other as you hear your husband/wife respond to you. This will help you get a sense of how you are sounding to the other person. This may sound silly but it really does work. In most cases people are really shocked to hear what they sound like. Most are not aware of how they are sounding to their mate. It will help with communication between the two of you.

Also, I think that there are a few issues in both of your lives that happened before you got together and you have probably not dealt with those issues and they continue to show up in this relationship.

One other thing, be good to each other. Do little acts of kindness. It doesn't have to be a gift that cost money. Make her dinner, ask her if she would like you to run a nice bath for her, each of you should put effort into doing one special thing for each other per week, it will help you appreciate each other more.
God Bless

Answer 3

I'm there with you. I'm 44 and my husband, at 52, soon to be Ex, that's here nor there. I have discovered that the duration and experiences in relationships, that communications is a non-verbal Martial commitment. Now, it's not any body's job to understand somebody else's feelings. Nor it our job to figure out their emotions or feelings. Soon enough we can forget our own. You tell people what you need, it's up to them whether or not they want to do that. It's in all how we say it. Out of anger, does not count, at that point, it's always their fault on how you feel. So Maybe put it down on paper, ask that person, "how can we work this out, or communicate?" Once we include somebody else in We than that will confirm an OK to continue. Now keep in mind, it's not the words we are looking for, it's the action they take. Good luck

Answer 4

I hate to say this, but I think it is her age. No 19 year old, no matter how mature they think they are, has the capacity to carry on a marriage. Trust is a difficult thing to have, and when feelings get involved, it all gets turned into misunderstandings. I have no advise for you, because there is nothing you can do untill she has the ability to trust. That is just not in a 19 year olds understanding.

Answer 5

Wow, she's pretty young. You can maybe make a rule about once a week having a heart to heart or when in an argument to each take a deep breath and say exactly what you are actually mad about (sometimes you might just have had a bad day, or maybe are stressed over money or something else). But at her age, it might be a while until she is truly able to maturely handle that kind of thing

Answer 6

I understand I have been there. You need to sit down in a neutral setting and put all emotins aside and come up with a glossary of words. example: When I say this I mean XXX. and so on. Try so see things from her perpesctive and try to have her understand where you are coming from. The age difference may be causing the problem in the understanding department. I have no problem with the difference I am just asying that it may be the stumbling block You just need to step over it

Answer 7

Remain calm at all times. Don't take everything so seriously and remember that stupid things are usually said over anger therefore keep the mouth shut when you don't have anything nice to say at all. Sort through the misunderstandings, they will only fester and stew. And lastly, do not ever go to bed angry.

Answer 8

please dont take this as critisism. its not. its been a long hard lesson for me.
1. control your anger.
2. keep your mouth shut,
remember, the only person you can change is YOU.
if you truly want to change for the better to save your marriage. YOU must alter YOUR perceptions.
if your angry, and we all do get angry. just force yourself to chill and calm.
respond with all of the love she is due.
convey what you feel in a PATIENT caring manner.
if she's willing to work on it, she will listen.
if shes not willing. try again and again and again till you cant try no more.
either she will finally see you're trying or you will see shes never going to work on it.
then its time to leave

Answer 9

Both of you need to take the time to stop and think about what you're going to say, before you actually say it.

Learn to communicate in sentences starting in "I feel" instead of "You...". Example: "I feel like I'm being ignored, and I would like to work it out" instead of, "You never pay attention to me". Same idea, different ways to say it.

Make sure that you allow the other person space during an argument... take a time out if you need to.

Never interrupt. Actually listen to what the other person has to say, and absorb it, instead of planning what to say next.

Answer 10

well shes young and so......lesson learned from you.
time, she must grow up probably and you musst learn to recognize that when she gets pissed and calls you something that you cant take it to the bank because she is only venting.
be smarter.
what are your guys education level?
you learn alot in college if you take any sort of communication classes.
Be understanding open and remember that its not what you say but how you say it, especialy to women!

Answer 11

whoa...is this my fiance? lol...we are the same ages and the same problem...hahaha...what a coinkidink...

we tried counselling and our personalities just clashed there too. we are still trying to figure out how to get a long...i say things out of anger i dont mean, and then he snaps back, and it gets crazy. your not alone!!!

try counselling, and if it doesnt work, let me know if you come across something that does. counselling would be the first thing id try. if you figure it out, let me know, PLZ.

if you need to talk or anything, my email is [e-mail]. this can be really stressfull, and ill help anyway i can. :)