Does a child need a mom to see how women should be and a dad to see how men should be....read below?

Question

I have no doubt in my mind a Gay couple can love thier children. I have no doubt they can raise them. So with that said, just answer my question, no hateful remarks just educated answers with a lil back up.

My father showed me what a man is supposed to be, my mother did her best to show me what a woman is supposed to be, this effected my life more as a Teenager and a young adult. As a young child I just needed love and a lil direction, but we all know parenting gets a lil tougher when we hit those teenage/young adult years this is what I'm reffering to.

Now please answer this in the context of a child not being raised in an abusive home, becasue all of us were not abused, all of us did not have dead beat parents striaght/single/gay/whatever. I don't think we admit it enough but there are some good parents out thier that love thier children.

So a simple yes or no and why will suffice.

Mind you this question is inspired from my own expierence, not to discredit or anything of that nature. Just trying to step outside my realm a little. Hopefully you can see where I'm coming from.

This argument can work for you, I feel like as a man I am the one who will teach my son to be just a man, the woman I choose will be the one to show my daughter how a woman should be. I shouldn't impose my views on others.

Believe it or not parents do have an impact on what thier children think relationships should be.

I think what the straight community doens't understand is that when a Gay person chooses a patrner for themselves they aren't going to exclude the oppo sex from the childs life due to the parents orientation, some will and thats thier choice but I think most of you won't. Thats reassuring to know.

Answer 1

Absolutely! I agree that parents have a huge impact on what their child's future. And that's how it should be. A large part of why I am the woman I am, I owe to my mother.

I would like to point out that every gay or lesbian couple I know that have children make it a point to surround their children with positive role models from the opposite sex. Whether it's god parents or "aunties" or "uncles" that the children spend a great deal of time with. That way the children have a picture of adults of both sexes and both orientations.

I also have friends....they happen to be white and straight. They adopted a little girl from japan. They are making a conscious and consistent effort to get her involoved with people from her culture so that she can grow up knowing that part of herself.

Really, most parents..gay, straight, bi, trans, different cultures, want the absolute best for their children and will do their best to present a balanced and positive picture of the world to the child, and help that child build a positive self image. We hear so much about the abusive, narrow minded parents, we tend to forget that most parents would tear their own hearts out, before they set a bad example for their kids.

Answer 2

Ofcourse, it helps. Every child should have a female and a male role model and their lives. That said, it's doesn't completely make a difference if that role model is their mother or father. If either one of those people is absent, there's always somebody near by. Growing up I only saw my father a few times a year, so my grandfather and uncles served as my male rolemodels. And yes, it was important that they were there, because they set the standard for how any male should treat me.

Also, I think it is better to have a good role model in an uncle, than a bad role model in a father. Same thing with moms ,ofcourse.

Answer 3

i think yes in a way. I think that lesbian or gay parents can do just as good as straight parents. However, i do agree with you that teens and older children need some direction. If my girlfriend and i had a little boy i would try to install an "uncle" into the picture. to have "play dates" at first and just be a masculine figure in his life so he doesn't feel like a loner in a house where "moms don't understand because they aren't male" and the same goes with a gay couple who might have a little girl. Install an "aunt" into the picture. these people would either be a family member or the childs godparents that you can trust not to steer them wrong. trust them to be a positive influence.

Answer 4

I haven't read the other answers to your question however I do completely agree with you. Unfortionatly today a lot of people bring babie's into this world that they can't afford, sometimes the father is gone (or they don't know who the father is) and the child is destined to be another hood-rat.

I think that having a mom and dad is important, but they children gay couples are adopting are from foster homes or worse orphanages. They are here to be compassionate, not twist a child from some agenda.

Answer 5

No, they do not. Judging from much of what I have seen, I would not want my girl to be raised with the idea of what "women" are supposed to be by example...I have seen some pretty awful women out there as mother...very bad examples! And the same is true of men! Both men and women can fully raise children to be very good people, have very sound self esteem, know what is expected of them in the world, and lead productive lives within the confines of society. I would much rather have a girl raised by two men who know what is expected of fine women than be raised by a drunk, a slob, a domineering a$$ hole...and we have all seen this mother. The same is true of boys raised by women..they are neither effeminent or sissy...they are just men if the job is done right. With your argument, what would happen to all children...the statistics belie your post. More often than not, children are raised in a ONE parent household, not Two...I would prefer to have balance of two parents, regardless of sex...balance is balance, no matter where it comes from. Sociologist's studies show that children raised by Gays are far better adjusted to life, have better educations, and have the same percentage of sexual orientation as those raised by straights...90% straight, 10% Gay...Orientation has nothing to do with how we are raised, we are born with that ticket. Good luck

Answer 6

I believe that children will find the role models they want or need whether or not they come from a standard family model (i.e., one man/one woman who are married). I think a child can be just as heavily influenced by someone such as a teacher, neighbor, relative or some other regular fixture in their lives as they can be by their parents. I feel that you can have a big impact on a kid's behavior without having to be biologically related to them.

Answer 7

Well, you are making presumptions to start with that make answering the question more difficult, don't they?

You say that your father showed you what a man is supposed to be...... ummm...... he showed you specifically what HE THOUGHT a man should be. There is no universal definition. Do you think that straight men different from your father go around thinking "boy, I know I'm not a real man, because I'm not like that guy's father?" I will wager they don't. Now, I'm not saying your father wasn't, to himself, what a man should be -- I'm sure he was. I'm equally sure that my friend Mike (straight) is what a man should be, that my friend Joel (straight) is what a man should be and that my friend Frank (gay) is what a man should be. Why, I'm (gay) what a man should be too -- but we are all different, very different, in our views of what that means. Mike believes that men should be f**king lots and lots of women, and every married guy who can afford it should have a mistress or two. That's his background culture -- and its the life he is living. He is a good boy who loves his kids -- and he would be ok if one of his sons were gay -- and he has made sure they knew that. However, he expects the behavior he taught them -- it is culturally appropriate in his opinion, and is certainly how every man in his family (they are European) has acted. He is emotional, expressive and very loving. Joel works hard at a manual job. He loves his two boys very much. He is an excellent father (as is Mike) He would like a working relationship, but he doesn't have one -- He is strong, silent, firm, but loving. His boys love him very much. Joel hasn't given any direction by word, and doesn't really have a background culture that he considers important. He will, once he is divorced, have other women -- they will NOT interfere with his relationship with his sons -- and they will never be discussed. Men don't discuss things like that, in his opinion. For him that is appropriate. Eventually he wants a solid relationship again. Frank is in college. He is out, finally -- he wants to find Mr. Right, but he is having fun with Mr. Wrong (safely) along the way -- well, really, Mr. Wrongs. Someday he would like to raise kids with a partner. He is happy, expressive and a little bit flaming. I've been with my partner a long time (almost 15 years) and I finished raising two boys from abusive homes (where I'm sure that the abusive, alcoholic father in one case and just abusive father in the other case both thought that they too were the epitome of masculinity). My boys consider me a father and come home on Thanksgiving and Christmas... I am well educated, professional, old fashioned on some things (I can and preserve food, I cook most of our meals at home, etc) and I am a nurturer, who is not afraid to show affection.

Ask any of the kids, each of them is very happy with the "father" they have. There is no one definition of being a "man" or of "what a man is supposed to be" -- the attempt by people to make safe definitions of everything and force everyone to fit into those definitions is one of the core problems for mankind -- and it arises out of evolutionary past. If we look at some of our closest hominid relatives we find that they kill any infant with any mutation and drive out any older child who begins to act differently, thus assuring that they cannot breed. Mankind is, thankfully, beyond that -- and purity laws will never amount to anything. People's behaviors are not transmissible -- and while to a degree we can replicate what we believe on children, ultimately those teachings do not hold either.

Rather than trying to make sure that our children all know what "real" men and "real" women act like -- perhaps we should be teaching them to embrace what each of them is, and become the best person they can be -- no matter whether we are straight parents or gay parents? It makes more sense to me -- particularly given that around 50% of our kids are being raised in single parent households now, which are by definition single sexed -- and the vast majority of those kids do just fine -- as mine did as well -- as do most.

We all need to get over these issues ourselves and just love the kids. It is our expressed expectations that cause any damage that kids with two fathers or mothers may manifest, not the parenting situation. People should all butt out of one another's business unless there is harm being done. We would all be doing better if we did.

Kind regards,

Reynolds Jones
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

Answer 8

No. Many children grow up with one parent, and grow to be adults with appropriate, responsible and loving characters. Divorce and single-mother parenting present these opportunities to children and their parent all the time. ALL the time. There are many role models beyond the home, such as at school, in the neighborhood, at church, in sports activities, the park district, and all over. Moreover, the child who grows up with two same-sex parents learns about love apart from gender roles, learns about respect and responsibility.
But thanks for asking a good and appropriate question.

Answer 9

I have to agree with the first post... in the perfect world the answer would be Yes...
I think that children need both a male figure and a women figure in their lives..
I grew up with just my mother, my father is alive but as far as i'm concerned he's just a sperm donor and a ATM when i need one... i've had my grandfather as a male figure...

And your right there are a lot of good parents out there, and it's a shame that children dont realize it until they are older.....

Answer 10

Why should people be taught how to act based on their gender?

Teachers at school, the childs friends, friends of the family, can all be role models for kids.

So no, I don't think a child needs a Mum and a Dad. Plenty of kids grow up without a Mum or Dad to be perfectly good members of society.