It's been almost of year since we met. We moved in together three months after meeting. He is a great guy and shows so much love and respect. He had been married once before and is legally separated. He has two boys, 18yrs, and 12yrs. whom live with their mom. I wonder how long I should wait to expect some kind of ring from him. This would just make me feel more secure, that he is serious about us. Am I wrong for wanting a ring? I have mentioned it briefly in the past but didn't get to much of a reaction. Should I just hang in and see what happens? Should I keep investing my time with this person? Just feeling a little anxious! Cocoa
2006-08-17 04:28:30 · 23 answers · asked by cocoa 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Hes agreat guy and shows so much love and respect,honey hes already showing you hes serious.A ring doesnt make you more secure,if I had a guy like that I wouldnt care if he ever married me,Dont scare this guy off by pushing him to hard,if and when he wants to marry you he wil ask,youre not going to force him,he sounds great,youre a lucky woman. Enjoy yourself with him and dont worry so much about the marrige stuff,He may be very gun shy after that first marrige, a year isnt all that long.
2006-08-25 03:12:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A year really isn't very long to wait. When he is ready, he's ready. Tell him that you are ready and are thinking about it. If you are considering marrying this man you may as well be up front and honest now if you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Ask him if her is even considering a long time commitment with you. I was feeling this way with my husband before we got married. The circumstances we different because we had a daughter together, but almost the same thing. We met and he moved in 2 weeks later, then I accidentally got pregnant a month into the relationship, and weree married and had a baby less than a year after meeting. I talked to him about it and I got a ring for Christmas - we wer married on Dec. 30 '04. The truth was, we weren't even really ready to be married. We loved each other but the first year of marriage was very tough. Although men seem like they do take a long time in popping the question, they generally have great timing in being ready for marriage. Talk to him about your feelings but don't pressure the subject because that really won't help. And if her is not wanting the same things in life as you, maybe marriage between the two on you wouldn't have worked anyways. Just consider all of the options. I already have and that's why I'm letting you know what I thought up before I got married. Good luck with the ring!
2006-08-24 16:39:05 · answer #2 · answered by twisteddistance 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The common law spouse does not mean anything. If he were to die today without a will the women he is still married to gets his estate. After a year I think you should tell him where you want the relationship to go but DO NOT give him an ultimatum. Before you get a ring he needs to get a divorce. Since you have been living together about 9 month's you are not legally a common law spouse. Most states 7 yrs.
2006-08-24 12:25:54 · answer #3 · answered by Bigboi47 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you're not wrong for wanting a ring, but you just played your trump card. The old saying still holds true: "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!" Men are very slow, if ever, to hand over a ring to a woman who moves in with him. Why should they when their needs are being met.
Most relationships that start out as living arrangements do not make it to the altar, so I would quit pining away for a ring; it probably won't happen any time soon.
2006-08-24 12:02:44 · answer #4 · answered by painterman19723 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question is not necessarily: How long? It may be never. He may not want to get married. Look at Oprah, she never got married. I would not call her a dishonest person.
You are not "wrong" for wanting a ring, but that also doesn't make you "right" for wanting one. He may feel trapped and know he becomes dysfuncitonal under marriage constraints.
Should you invest time in him? We don't have enough information to tell you.
Does he treat you fair? Does he meet your interests? Do you prefer living with him over anything else?
You are asking good quesitons
2006-08-18 05:32:51 · answer #5 · answered by onemorealternative 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I ask this over and over again.......to women who are dumb enough to live with a man without a committment or marriage promise. Moving in....with a man who is just seperated and not divorced...and you knew this before hand...***HELLO------that right there should tell you something.....
This man is not in any hurry to be legally divorced....and why would you even consider settling for just being a common law wife? GEEZ....have a little self respect for yourself...
If you're that insecure now...thinking a material RING will make y ou feel for secure...YOU my dear are very mistaken....
If your entire thought process is to wait for the committment RING or a proposal in marriage....you'll be waiting for this forever. You've made this man comfortable...like an old worn out shoe.....or an old comfy pair of jeans.......YOUR MAN is comfy...and cozy...with his CAKE eat it situation..
I would try a shock value tactic. Give this man a dead line. Tell him to quit stalling and make his Divorce final ....and make some kind of committment to you. If your man can not do this you love him enough to MOVE out....and give him space to make him see that YOU will not stand by for years and years waiting for him to make a true committment to you.
Once you planted the SEED....of MOVING...then make your plans and do just that. If the MAN is truly worth investing your time and effort in seperate households and will make you really know if HE is the one that is worth investing your time and efforts in.
this man may show love and respect....but I would really question the respect part. If he truly repected your feelings he wouldn't have involved you in the SEPERATION aspect.....and putting you into a situation where you feel insecure.
I think you know in your GUT what you need to do...NOW have the courage and stand up for what you really knows needs to happen!!
good luck
2006-08-24 23:02:11 · answer #6 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Shoulda got the ring before he got any-thang. Common law usually takes cohabitation of seven years. But your seven years may not start until his divorce, if he ever gets one. Rings don't make anyone secure, he isn't serious about you, and $200 bucks worth of tin and rock won't change that.
2006-08-22 05:09:23 · answer #7 · answered by Yote' 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Sweetie! I am so sorry that you are in this predicament. The best thing that you can do is the kick him out of your home and let him know that the milk is no longer free. Maintain your relationship but get a life of your own. Be mysterious, sexy and intriguing. Let him see you at your best at all times. Dating my husband, I NEVER mentioned marriage, and he moved our wedding date up three times, he couldn't wait to belong to me. Trust me, if he is serious about you and is ready, he will propose. Good luck and three carat wishes!
2006-08-24 15:26:54 · answer #8 · answered by mrskj007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say it's been almost a year since you met, & he's still only separated from his wife??? What's he waiting for? I would have a serious talk with him ASAP & ask him what his intentions are. Go from there, why keep waiting for him to committ to you when he can't/won't even committ to his own marriage/divorce?
2006-08-24 21:44:25 · answer #9 · answered by yobaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, even getting a ring probably won't mean much to him, it will just keep you "happy" for a while. I know a couple that just broke up; she's had a "ring" for 3 years but he still wouldn't "commit". He finally told her that he had no desire to get married, he was happy with the way things were and didn't see why she was in such a "rush" to change things.
2006-08-24 13:10:35 · answer #10 · answered by nkg0515 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋