Why is it when u are married you find all the nice guys that u wished your spouse was?

Question

dont get me wrong i love my husband and always will cause he is the farther of my kids but im not in love with him and there is a big difference there--so here for the past 6 months ive really been thinking more and more bout a dirvorce but just dont really want to hurt him but in reality im hurting him and myself by not being truthful to him--so im really confused on what to do all i know is i do want a dirvorce and that is why im looking for my mr right that i know i derserve and need in my life--like i said im just not happy and he thinks i am and its not fair to either one of us--so keep in mind that there are issues there on his part the reason i feel the way i do and to many issues there to go into--i just need opinons here--try not to be to harsh

Answer 1

Not all, but some, of the "nice guys" you referred to are only looking for one thing from a girl. SEX. Especially if the girl is married. Sex with a married girl means not having to commit to anything. Just be careful. Be extra careful when chatting and meeting people on-line.

Answer 2

Be very careful here because you are possibly falling into the grass is greener on the other side syndrome. When you are married you really get to know a person and that knowing removes a lot of the dreams and fairytale from how you see them and the relationship. You see that person at their worst, you endure their bad habits on a daily basis, and you do all of this while trying to survive all the other millions of things life throws at you. This leads you to look around and see as you say all these other people who you interpret to be so much more the way you wish you spouse was. The problem is you are seeing them in a very limited scope. When you look at them it is in that fairytale, dream state way where you can imagine things being just so. The truth is in reality the odds are that if you were with that person there is a good chance they wouldn't in the long run be everything that your husband is now. That person is going to act much different and be a different person when they are with you and raising a family and trying to survive the daily grind for years on end. In fact they may start feeling about you the way you currently feel about your husband. You need to really be careful here and take time to think about all that you have in your life and how lucky you really are. I don't think you should live a life that makes you unhappy but I do wonder if maybe you just need to try harder to figure out how to get back to being in love with your husband and the life you two have worked so hard to build. A lot times life goes through down cycles in a relationship and you just have to figure out how to make things work and get through it in order to come out on the other side and find that the love and passion are still there stronger than ever.

Answer 3

I feel for you, I really do I am in the same position. I have been reading this book called"In the Meantime", and it is truly wonderful. Maybe you should look into it, it is just about the time you are in now, and trying to find the love you are looking for. First and foremost we have to start with ourselves. If you are not happy etc, then you need to leave, I know it is hard because I have yet to leave. I think that there will be that one day that it will hit me, that I have had enough and I am not where I feel that I am suppose to be in my life, we go through different stages in life, and we meet certain people for a reason, and in the end we are here to learn so we can be a better person, as hard as it is everything will fall into place, sit quietly and listen to what is being said to you by the higher powers. They will not lead you in the wrong direction, but if you are in doubt then do not do anything. Another author to look into is Sylvia Browne, the worldest greatest reknowned psychic, love her books and it does not matter what religion you are she hits them all, and it is all about your own spiritual journey. We are here for God and noone else, yes it will hurt to leave someone but it will go away and someone else will fall into your arms once again,. Good luck..

Answer 4

If your question is why are the nice guys popping out now, then the answer is simple. You have started looking for other qualities in a bf/husband than you were looking for before you were married. Chances are that most of these nice guys were there, but you thought them boring or they simply didn't go to the places you frequent.

As for getting the divorce, it is a sad thing to have to do, but if it must be done, it should be done. You should try talking to him about it first though. It is possible that the problem is one that can be solved together without need for a divorce.

Answer 5

The passion always weins with time. It happens to you and to a billion other couples in long term relationships. All these other guys are really nice to you...why? Cause they aren't married to you!! They're not with you 24/7. If they were....they too would eventually become like your husband. The grass isn't greener on the other side. And you always want what you don't have. Oh....and one last peice of advise....stop watching Oprah and reading Cosmos....the Hollywood marriage doesn't even exist in Hollywood. Have you considered marriage counselling? And I hate to burst you bubble but....Santa Claus isn't real either!

Answer 6

The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence.

I think you should work on your marriage, we choose to love in marriage, if you let yourself divorce someone just because you have fallen out of love, you are going to be continually divorcing and remarrying.

Love is a choice after the romance period has passed. You choose to and continually do things to bring back the romance and to remember what it was that attracted you in the first place.

Answer 7

have you tried counselling ? it might be worth it ?... before going the divorce way...

you know.. you might think there's a mister right out there.. but maybe your husband is the Mr. Right.. you just need to spice things up a bit.. sometime after a while things get boring...

I would say counselling would be a good start.. and if that doesn't work.. you have to be honest to him.. and yourself.. so don't hide your feelings.. honesty is the best thing.. even if it hurts.. it's better than finding out later....

good luck !

Answer 8

HA! we are kinda in the same situation girl. I know how u feel, I feel the same way. I am actually seeing a counselor to figure out what to do. and the thing she keeps saying over and over is "trust what u feel and u won't regret what u do." She also says that u have to be prepared for how it hurts him or you. But its only for a little while that u hurt. Time heals all pain for both of you and your child.

Answer 9

ok kelli. im a psychic and i know youre name is kelli. LOL. but i really do know that is youre name. you are a big girl but you are very nice, i bet you talk like a black lady, but you are white. and i have a feeling that you talk to female relatives. i bet you have a cousin that you talk to alot. and i think that youre probably married. youre husband is a truck driver. but hes home on weekends. he hauls very heavy loads, like steel or im feeling some kind of heavy springs. you have atleast 3 children. but maybe 4 at the most. the youngest is either 16 or 18 months. and i think that you like another man you met online. im not being harsh. but i know im right. my mind just seen you. and i know im right.

Answer 10

You basically answered your own question. You married the wrong guy. Too bad you didn't figure that out before you had kids. I have no regrets about my husband. Each day with him is a gift. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else.