should i keep this friendship or not?

Question

I had a party a few days ago and invited few people. One of my friends, he had been looking forward to hang out with me, so I thought by making this party, it would be a good chance for me and him to hang out. Guess what? The big day came and he didn’t come, I called his cell phone and he was at requiem mass, I was a bit shock ‘cause he didn’t tell me before. The next day, I text message him and asked who’d passed away, something that pissed me off out of the blue because it wasn’t one of his families, but it was one of his mother’s friend families. If he appreciated me, he would tell his family that he already had an appointment with me, instead of feeling uncomfortable left his family at the mass and stayed there for 1-2 hours and kept his mouth shut. What do you think, should I keep this friendship or not, because he already had made first excuse that all his car had already been used by his family member so he couldn’t go and hang out. This was the second excuse.

Answer 1

i know you're angry. i would be too. but it was one of mother's friend families. true, he should have told you, but also it was a requiem mass, and someone died. If i had been his parents, i would have told him that unfortunately he couldn't go, because his mother knew had died, and that person should be respected. and i'm sorry but i think a requiem mass is more important than a party. you can reschedule the party, but not the funeral as easily. one of your parents also could have gone and picked him up IF he had been allowed to go. and i think you were overreacting---especially considering someone died and that person's family was hurting and mourning because they'd lost a loved one---your friend just hadn't come to the party. have a little sensitivity, and put yourself in the dead person's family's place, or better yet in your friend's place. don't take out your anger on him, just because he hadn't been able to come. he also might not have able to call to let you know he could't come because his parents said so. think about what i've told you, and maybe you can forgive your friend. if not, well, i think your friend would lucky to not have an a*s like you for a friend. forgive and forget.

Answer 2

Well sometimes families are close and even if its his moms friends family member maybe out of respect to the family he had to go; maybe he doesnt understand that and so maybe thats why hes even confused that he had to go in the first place; giving you two reasons. If he had not answered then Id say something else.. I dont know if it was planned or not- the party. Maybe you should add some details so you can get better feedback. I think if you two planned it and he didnt show then it would be diff too. I just think its lack of communitcation. I dont think you should terminate this friendship, you should give it some time and if he seems like a shady friend consider distancing yourself from him!
Good luck!

Answer 3

A little compassion please. He was at a funeral, somebody he knew died! There is a chance that he was pulled into this at the last minute by his mom or the death might have been sudden, who knows? Seriously, does a funeral sound like a fun activity worth blowing off a party for?

You are taking this a little too personally. I know it sucks when people RSVP for a party and are no-shows but he sounds like he has a pretty valid reason not to be there. He should apologize for not letting you know if he knew you were really counting on him being there but please, cut him some slack. You should be more concerned about how he is dealling with this person he lost not that he missed your party. You can throw another party, people don't have multiple funerals.

Answer 4

Is this the first time he's let you off the hook? If so, wait and see if he calls you about hanging out. Clearly, you'd really appreciate it if he had informed you before that he couldn't come, so tell him that when he calls or the next time you hang out. If the next time something goes wrong again...then maybe consider about the friendship thing. But I really don't recommend it because friends are hard to find...(maybe)...give him another chance. Best of luck!

Answer 5

Silly thing to end a friendship over--just talk to him and let him know how much he hurt your feelings. Then let him make the next move. If he is truly your friend then he will make an effort to hang out with you. If not, then he wasn't worth your time.

Answer 6

Just because he couldn't hang out with you that ONE day, doesn't mean you throw away your friendship with him. If he did this REPEATEDLY, then maybe I would. Because obviously then he wouldn't want to hang out with you. How long have you known him? Is it worth throwing your friendship away over not hanging out for one day with him?! If you haven't been friends for long, then it probably doesn't matter if you don't talk to him anymore or not, but if you've been friends with him for like 5 years or something. Talk to him. Let him know how you feel about what he did. Don't throw away your friendship over a misunderstanding. I hope this helped.

Answer 7

no matter who the mass was for, if it's someone he's close to or someone his mom is close to, he should be there. I find that selfish of you that you wouldnt ACCEPT that he's sending his condolances for being there.

In terms of him bailing out on you two times, if he really wants to get together with you, he's make the plans.. just wait for that, now. You've tried. Let him now. I wouldnt back out of a friendship if youre interested in it, I just wouldnt try so damn hard this time.

Answer 8

You should never put your needs above his family. He might have been comforting his mother.
As for the second excuse, could you not have gone to pick him up? If not, its not right to assume that someone should come to see you and you not be willing to go see them.
I'd suggest that if you get blown off two more times, just cut him off. If he wants to be your friend, he'll come find you.

Answer 9

grow up. If your friend has family problems to dill with you should be more understanding. You should know that some people care a grate dill about there family members they may actually love them so if your friend family needs him around them he will be there for his family. Friend are a dime a dozens its hard to replace family. So if you think your Friend should put you in place of his family you need to find a friend who don't care about his family.

Answer 10

since it was one of his mothers friends familys, maybe his mother was asked to come and didnt want to go alone....On the other hand, It was disrespectful to not pick up the phone and let you know he was unable to make it.I would tell him it upset you and that in the future you would appreciate a little more commitment to your plans.If he cant handle that then maybe hes a loser for a friend.