We had an "okay" relationship, no regrets we just decided to let go (due to a pregnancy scare, we were young and stupid) A few months after, he started seeing an older woman. He was 21 and she was in her 40's. Now they are married. We'd see each other and say "HI" but thats it. We recently bumped into each other @ a nightclub, he was really anxious about it. "we really need to talk, I've been looking for you for a while now" he said. (I live out of the city now) Two days later we sat and talked in daylight @ a public place. He now claims that he never stopped thinking about me, he only moved on because I'd moved on (which I did) he's feeling like he's made a mistake. I really want him to save his marriage, you don't get up just because its hard! But I am beginning to feel that I am becoming a problem not the solution. So would I not be a good friend if I decided to step back and NOT to help anymore? There are certain boundtries in a "married ex" situation, so now what? Give up?
2006-08-17 03:55:41 · 18 answers · asked by jaded_janae 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if you really want to help him fix his marriage then stay away from him. he let you go before and he shouldn't have gotten married - whether that was a right decision or not- he should face the consequences. being in his life will only give him an excuse not to REALLY work on his marriage because he has you around.. stay away since you are not interested in having him back and you are right not to have interests. let him deal with his own marriage problems. he is a grown up and he got married on his own without any one's help.
2006-08-17 04:06:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I understand completely. You really like your boyfriend's personality and stuff, but you also find your ex attractive still. It's like having a crappy song stuck in your head turned up to the loudest volume so that the songs you like aren't heard as much. The thing is; you DON'T write to your ex. You aren't back together with him, and you still love your boyfriend. It's not what you think about that defines you, in my opinion; it's what you choose to act on. Even if you fantasize about your ex, as long as you remain devoted to your bf, you are fine. In terms of getting over him, you can't. At least, not yet. After a while, it'll just fade out of your head, just like the bad song that gets stuck in your head.
2016-03-27 06:04:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the right idea. Move on. He is immature. Think about this. Do you want to be with someone who has married someone else because "He now claims that he never stopped thinking about me, he only moved on because I'd moved on (which I did) he's feeling like he's made a mistake".
Is that what you want? What do you want from a relationship and do you think he can give it to you?
2006-08-17 05:58:25 · answer #3 · answered by Jucee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he got into a marriage thinking it would be something it's not. A man that age has no business being married to his "mother". You stated you just had an "okay" relationship and you're fine with it being over. I don't believe you are contributing to his marital grief, that was there probably the day after he said "I do". I think he just needs someone he trusts to talk about this with, just be clear with him that no matter what he does, it will not involve you in the future.
2006-08-17 04:07:22 · answer #4 · answered by hummingbird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think if u want him to work out his problems with his wife you should step back, tell him that is what you are doing, but just leave him alone, just because things are hard for him now i believe hes seeing the green grass on the other side of the fence. i dont think he realizes anyone that he marries will make for a hard relationship, it doesnt matter how much he loves someone its still gonna be hard.
either way though good luck
2006-08-17 04:05:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun some ppl look for am out and they try to go back to what is their "comfert zone" and i would more talk to him about fixing his marrage not to be rude but llok at it this way it didn't work before now he is not working some where else so now he wants you to drop your life for him again and teh nfor what him to possiblity of him leaving you! DO what your heart tells you hun make your disition and stay with it!!! Me personal i would be a friend Only!! I would rather keep a friend ship then have a relationship!!!! Friends are a life time relationships come and go!!!
2006-08-17 04:07:04 · answer #6 · answered by lori b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, hell I am there. My ex is in a really bad situation and although I feel for him and hate to see him going through this, however I don't feel it is my place to rescue him from it. I think it would be a good idea for you to step back and let them handle this situation and let it play out to the end. They will eventually end it or reconcile their differences.
2006-08-17 04:14:47 · answer #7 · answered by greenejl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cease all contact with this person.
His marriage is his problem/business, not yours.
How would you feel if your husband were consulting with some chick about his marital issues instead of discussing them with you?
This guy has no respect for either of you.
2006-08-17 04:37:33 · answer #8 · answered by BoomChikkaBoom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your answer should be You Are Married. Then move on and stop contact.
2006-08-17 05:03:19 · answer #9 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he is saying all the things to try and have his cake and eat it to. Don't help him he doesn't want help he wants an affair stay clear
2006-08-17 04:05:07 · answer #10 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋