Me and my husband have been going through a rough patch dealing with infidelity (on my part) and a harassing female co-worker (on his part) sending me emails and him detailing all that she wanted to do with him and so on. Well we decided to try and work it out. I called my work voicemal and noticed he had been trying to access my messages at work so I called and asked him why had he been calling my voicemail (I've been working at a different location for weeks now) and he said to get in contact with me well I continued to ask other questions to see if he'd tell the truth and finally after a few more he admitted to trying to hear my messages. I wasn't mad, not at all, but I wanted to see if given the chance would he be honest with me. He's been talking about my dishonesty and how it's hurt our marriage, so doesn't that apply to him? He thinks I have no right to second guess him, what do you think?
2006-08-17 03:43:44 · 14 answers · asked by Completly in love... 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I will admit, I am paranoid that what I did (the infidelity) will cause him to give in to this female co-worker to even the playing field (people do do this and keep it to themselves, not necessarily to hurt the spouse just a secret payback) I know paranoid, all my just dessert...
2006-08-17 04:07:23 · update #1
Right now both of you are walking on egg shells. Trust just doesn't appear after it's been breached. He's trying to find out if you've been honest with him and you found out what he was doing. If you want him to relax on this, try giving him your password to your voicemails so he can check them anytime and know that nothing is going on. By the same token, ask him for his email password so you can see what's going on on his end with this co-worker. Put all your cards on the table and have him do the same....after awhile the trust will begin to bloom again.
2006-08-17 04:01:04 · answer #1 · answered by hummingbird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never trust a man!!!! Never trust a women, maybe a cat but not no humans. Even with this attude a marriage can last a life time.
Hopefully you two will be able to set all this aside and move on to bigger and better things in your marriage. Honesty is the best policy but everyone tells lies once in a while, as long as there not hurting anyone physically even though it is wrong it really isn't a big deal. Try to do new things you haven't with your husband this will open new doors and close old ones.
Good luck!
2006-08-17 11:04:57 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust and freedom are most important thinks in marriage. Try to think better about the reason for that kind ob behavior. The problem might be yours or his but be real. Than investigate but do not try to make changes to find out what is the real thing which is reason for that and than sit and talk with him but with all facts not only guessing. After that both of you have to make decision how you will go on
2006-08-17 10:59:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should have told you up front he was checking up on you, but that is a minor point since you found out in a short time anyway. Suck it up. He is going to be watching you like a hawk for the next 20 years. It is going to be more disturbing for him than for you. It is driving him crazy thinking you may cheat again. You have to be a good girl now and take your medicine. Accept his spying. Because you are not going to do anything naughty his spying will only show him that you have changed your ways, and you will feel good knowing you are looking like an angel.
2006-08-17 11:02:00 · answer #4 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to look in to things that effect your life. Unless he can show his respect and forgiveness you are wasting time with him. Most of the time trust is lost there is never a reinstatement of it in a relationship. One requirement for working things out is full disclosure by both parties to everything. If that is not accomplished then it is all just a matter of time before the house falls down.
2006-08-17 10:56:01 · answer #5 · answered by mr conservative 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think he has the right to check everything about and from you. sure, he's hurt and doesn't trust right now, but if you guys really wanna work on this, then you both have to stop asking questions and snooping around. start all over again together, just as if you've just met. build up the trust that way. and get help from outside! that is too big to deal with all by yourself.
good luck to you both!!!!
2006-08-17 11:07:46 · answer #6 · answered by Barista 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You brought this all on yourself. Don't try to blame him for anything because of your own misgivings.Your lucky he still wants to keep the relationship going. If that was me, you would already be out the door. If you continue to be "paranoid", you will run your husband right out the door.
2006-08-17 11:12:13 · answer #7 · answered by yooper guy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you cheated then he has every right to go threw your messages and hide that from you. He is also probably going threw all of your belongings and things when you arent around. If he is trying to work things out, he needs closure, Dont question what he is doing.... He is just trying to make sure you wont do what you did again. Let him! If you have nothing to hide, then Dont even bring it up. Just accept it for what it is... Him checking on you.
2006-08-17 10:50:36 · answer #8 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honesty is one of the biggest parts in a relationship. You messed up, but that doesn't mean that he can mess up and justify it with your mess up. Don't let him run over you like that. You two should really sit down and talk.
2006-08-17 10:59:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes doing this cause he has doubts since you cheated once you have to gain back his trust.You guys should seek some counceling if you want to save ur marriage.He may be telling you about this girl from work to make u jealous or let u see how it is to be betrayed.
2006-08-17 11:08:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋