My wife and I usually get upset at each other.?

Question

My wife, a 19 year old and me 26 years old, usually have small fights over small matters involving trust and love. We are misunderstanding each other many times and this has nothing to do with our true feelings. The problem is misunderstanding, she doesn't normally mean what she says and it hurts me, while I say something bad in anger after listening to that and she gets upset. How to solve this type of problem. Please guide us, I am hoping that we can understand each other with complete faith, honesty and love without this problem of not being able to communicate fully with each other, because most of the time I think that she's rude and she thinks I will get angry. This creates a communicational gap between us. We discussed this matter with each other several times, but this communicational problem continues to build walls between us. Please help.

Answer 1

SHE'S TOO YOUNG TO BE MARRIED...GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

Communication problems are one of the biggest problems in a marriage. First of all, both of you need to learn that what you say, you can't take it back. Even if you apologize, you have already hurt the other person. Watching what you say takes maturity and patience. Before you open your mouth, think about what you will say and how it will effect the other person. Also, make sure that when you talk, you talk about the real problem, not the small stuff. If trust is the issue, then don't argue over why the clothes haven't been washed. I am not saying to hide your feelings, because you need to be honest but if you love each other, then there is no reason to be hurtful. Marriage counseling may help.

Answer 3

I am not married but i try to sort out if I can.
See as you say yourself that you have communication gap so talk more then you do now.But remember for sometime you dont expect that she will understand everything,may be she will nt understand a single thing whatever you want to say and everytime her comment will make you hurt.
But you know why it hurts you because you always had some expectation from your dream wife or some dream what was related with her what does not seem to be full fill and it is not for you only but her wife could have the same problem or may be one of them.I can't suggest her something bcoz she is not here so for you.
Try it as you dont want anything from her and she does not suppose to give you atall it is you who has to give all without expecting.Well till what time,may be until she realize it.May be 3month.I hope she will realize it and will melt in your arm.Remember no matter what she says bad or good you are not suppose to react badly.You have to keep trying.Think what wud you suppose to do if she would be your girlfriend.

Try it for three month or if find that it is not working mail me again may be i will tell you what is going [e-mail]

Answer 4

Ahhhhh...first of all I have to applaud you as a man. You're hoping to work this out instead of just giving up.

The first problem is your wife is young; 19 is a young woman. I can truly and honestly say that when I was 19...I was in no way ready for marriage. Gosh I was having too much fun. But that's not to say that your wife isn't mature so please I hope I did not offend you.

Communication is the second biggest challenge in a marriage...finances is number one. Are there solutions to these problems? Absolutely. I am married and I know that when I first got married #1 & #2 were also my set-backs.

I think you know what a lot of people are going to tell you right? Get counseling. You say that usually after a misunderstanding...which basically means..."After our horrible agrument"...you say mean things. First of all...control your anger...you may say something that you will regret. Trust me...many times I wanted to call my husband THIS AND THAT...and you know what those are. ***WINK***.

When you feel the pair of you are going to start to quarrel...be the bigger person...go up to her...and hug her and say..."Hey, let's not do this". You will automatically feel her emotions and her adrenalin. You will feel yourself calming down. Then sit and talk about what is making the pair of you agrue. More often than not...it's going to be something extremely trival.

Lastly, I don't like to bring religion into the mix...but chances are you got married in a church anyway...so what the heck. Get into a great Sunday school class at your home church. Make it one where they have young couples. This will allow the pair of you to put you faith in your higher power.

I've been married for 16 years...and truly and honestly I cannot remember the last time hubby and I had a misunderstanding....ok...an agruement. We keep all lines of communication open at all times. We're not perfect by no means...we have said some hurtful things (never cuss at each other)...but my husband always wants to be the first to say he's sorry by walking up to me and giving me that hug that I described above. It works...cause he always get's to me by looking in my eyes and telling me ..."I can see that smile...I see it...it wants to come out..." and BAM...he does it all the time. Then we either talk about it in a civil manner or we just forget about it.

Marriage is all about Communication...and because your wife is still in her teen year...maybe more communication is required of the pair of you.

Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

Part of the problem could be the difference in age. It might seem to be very few years, but those years are when a great deal of maturing occurs. It might also have something to do with the fact that you refer to trust and love as "small matters." You also state that these misunderstandings have nothing to do with your true feelings. You might try stating your true feelings regardless of what she says. Good luck.

Answer 6

When arguing try not to lay blame on the other person. Try to use calm voices (never easy but yelling just makes the other person defensive). I wonder why you have trust issues? Has there been a reason to not trust each other. If so, perhaps you are too immature for such a committed relationship. I don't mean to offend when I say that, I just mean that perhaps one or both of you may not truly be ready for the lifelong commitment that marriage is intended to be.
Good Luck

Answer 7

There is no shame in seeking professional help. You do not need to run to a therapist, but there are many family and couple counseling programs out there. Sitting with a third party who can help bridge the communication gap between you two will help. Also, time, trust and faith.

Answer 8

Maybe the problem is that you both have different views about what the words trust, honesty, and meaning what you say. trust is probably the big one, maybe you should go to a couples seminar and learn how to trust eachother there are certain things you could do at home too. one of you could stand on a book and fall into the other's arms, therefore trusting them to catch you and then switch places.

Answer 9

You have serious problems if you think trust and love are small matters to have small fights over, they are the essence of any relationship. You have absolutely no place to go from without them.
Does your wife know that you are asking the whole world this question?
I think you need to ask yourself what is in this marriage worth holding onto. I think you already know what to do. Be brave.

Answer 10

First of all, kudos on seeking help. Your wife is lucky as not all men are willing to do this.

Next, to address your issue. You know that she doesn't normally mean what she says - and it hurts you because you misunderstood.

Next time this happens, before you react, stop and remember this point (you acknowledged it yourself) and ask her to explain what she means. Discuss it - without getting hostile. Remember "she doesn't normally mean what she says." So you will need to lay down your gun and let her feel comfortable enough to explain what she means in a way that you can understand. You can say things like "That comment hurt me. I understood you to mean 'X' but I know you don't intend to hurt me. What did you mean when you said that?" Once she sees that you are not out to hurt her, your (pl.) trust and love will grow, and she will try harder to say things that don't hurt you.

Good Luck!

Answer 11

Its very important that you communicate with each other. It will take time and you will go through alot of fights but if you really love each other you will be able to get through it. As your marriage grows you have to remember to be patient, understanding, and most importantly you have to control your emotions and remain calm. You being the older one should show your maturity and guide her as she is younger then you and probably needs your guidance. You have to communicae with her in a calm and positive manner. Positive reinforcement is very important. And most importantly, have plenty of sex!!! It really helps in a relationship.