How can I convince my wife that masturbation is natural and that I still enjoy being with her?

Question

My wife & I were fooling around, and she pulled down my pants to give me a BJ. Suddenly she recoiled and said, "What the hell is that?" Turns out I had a piece of tissue stuck on the head of my "jewel" from when I had masturbated earlier in the day. She went to the bedroom and cried, and now she refuses to have sex with me.

Answer 1

1. Communicado

The most important thing here, as I see it, is to talk this out with her. Let her know that you're upset that you hurt her, and that you want to solve the problem and reassure her. Then ask questions! Find out why she reacted so strongly, what she believes about masturbation, her experience (or lack of) with masturbation, and what she believes your masturbation suggests. You won't get anywhere unless you find out what's going through her mind.

2. Masturbation is Natural

Since most people in our society have come to understand that masturbation is not immoral, disgusting, or shameful, there are still problems with people who were raised to believe otherwise. I suggest that she read these:

http://teenadvice.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=teenadvice&zu=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.scarleteen.com%2Fpink%2Fmasturbate.html

http://www.coolnurse.com/masturbation.htm

http://teenadvice.about.com/library/weekly/bl10thingsmasturbation.htm

http://keepkidshealthy.healthology.com/focus_article.asp?f=teenhealth&c=masturbation_qa

3. Your Masturbation Does Not Reflect Her Inadequacy

This is a big one. She may (or may not) feel that you shouldn't need to masturbate if you have her. Take her concerns seriously, no matter how silly they may seem to you! Listen carefully to what she says.

4. Action

Here are some things you can do:

+ develop an "open policy" in which you promise to discuss your sexualities honestly and openly with each other when they become relevant, such as when there are problems

+ try to (gradually!) encourage mutual masturbation (you both masturbate each other) and ease it into voyeur masturbation (you both watch each other) - this might take a long time, however

+ if (and only if!) she is comfortable with it, buy her some clitoral sex toys and use them with her

+ show her some special attention, knowing that she's feeling sensitive, and remind her often of how often she pleases you

Overall, just be verbal! Even during sex, comment freely on how good it feels or how much you love her - don't spring anything new on her without discussing it first - and make sure that both of you understand each other.

I hope this helps...good luck, from a girl who was taught that masturbation is wrong!

Answer 2

Maybe she was embarrassed about it.

Masturbation is a normal way of letting loose the pressure. For guys it tends to need be done more often. And yes some of them need visual stimulation. It has nothing to do with their girlfriends or spouse, it's self gratification.

Masturbation gives you the freedom to get it on when YOU want it... no waiting for someone else. No struggles with a partner who doesn't want to do it when you want to, or who has a lower sex drive then you. You can have it when you want it, how you want it. You are NOT at the mercy of another person's schedule or desires.

Masturbation is an IMPORTANT part of a person's balanced sex life, male or female. It actually helps a man be able to last longer during sex. So that in itself ought to make her happy!

Answer 3

First of all you have a wife to have sex with so why use your hand? I don't blame her my feelings would be hurt too. She feels betrayed, It was as if you had sex without her...She will get over it but you will have to do some apologizing. And bring her a dozen roses. And by the way you need to keep that jewel as you call it CLEAN..Why would you let your wife touch that with her mouth and you knowing it was nasty? That shows that you have no respect for her.

Answer 4

sit down and talk with her and really listen to her as to what it is about it that upset her so much granted masturbation is perfectly natural and she shouldn't take it as a sign that shes not enough for you but some women do i think in the long run communication is going to be the only way to salve this one and if all else fails go to the library and find a book or two on the subject this could help as well

Answer 5

I suggest you find some research or reading material and let her check into it. My guy masturbates usually at least once every 2 or 3 days, and we usually have sex at least once a day... its just a natural need. he hurts if he doesnt, and i' find with that
explain to her that you are thinking of her when you do it, she's just so damn sexy you cant get enough of her...
let her read some of these post it might help
also, for awhile, when you get those urges, just go to her to fufill them. give her a chance
she probaly feels like she doesnt satisfy you or taht your not happy enough with the sex with her. make her feel incrediable andlike shes the sexiest sexiest woman alive and make it clear your love making is good ...

Answer 6

Sad, that you should have to hide something like that. Why don't you have her come on here and ask the majority it it's a big deal? Maybe once she realizes that it's not taboo she'll relax. SHe could have had fun with that instead of getting so upset. Next time make sure your all cleaned up though.

Answer 7

It is a natural part of being human, my husband does it all the time and so do I when he is not around. Sometimes you just have to clean the pipes. It doesn't take anything away from when we are together, you wife needs to relax, it is not like you are cheating on her. Goodluck!!

Answer 8

First off, you always use a towel or a washclothe to clean yourself, not toilet paper. Second of all, your wife is upset because she doesn't understand why??? She feels that perhaps you would prefer your hand over her, or maybe she doesn't believe you used your hand at all, she may think your lieing to her to cover up from being with another woman. My ex and I use to sleep in seperate rooms, he slept with the tv on and I couldn't get sleep at all, I would snore sometimes and he couldn't get sleep, so we decided we loved eachother enough that we wanted eachother to get sleep at night, so we split into different bedrooms. I however still did his laundry, and one afternoon i was in his room getting his clothes and I found one of his wifebeater t-shirts in the closet on the floor. When I picked it up it was sticky and you can imagine........ he used it to clean himself up. I was just as outraged........ I couldn't understand how he could prefer to use his hand when I was right down the hall!!! His own personal sex feen.......... We had not had sex in 3 weeks and I was already depressed and sexually frustrated from haveing to take care of myself, but then to find out that he was doing that instead of doing me was an insult to me and made me feel like he thought there was something wrong with me and that he didn't enjoy being with me. My guy, just yelled and got defensive, you should talk to her lovingly and calmly and let her know why you do it, and that it is not about her that you love her and you do very much enjoy being with her.......... she just wants to understand and she doesn't like thinking that her husband won't be with her because he thinks something is wrong with her. Please be gental and explain yourself 100 times if you have to, to get it into her thick skull that you love her and never ment to hurt her feelings........ blessed be....

Answer 9

why dont you try explaining to her why there was a piece of tissue stuck on your jewel. tell her that you masturbating doesn't mean that you've lost interest in her, that men masturbating is just normal because you can't get a hold of yourselves when you're horny.

Answer 10

well i know for sure that a man got to pluck the chicken orsrew the dolphin (masturbate) before cause you will get tired in the middle of the sex and that wont be good for both you and your wife.so masturbating is perfectly natural for a man u can convince that all man have to masturbate them selves in order to feel good to have sex and wont get tired easily cause a lot of men do it (85/100%)of men do it .its true and this info is coming from a girl.I PERFECTLY NATURAL!!!!!!!!