I have been with my partner for 2 years and I love him so much. He has two children from a previous relationship but his ex left him for another man 4 years ago. I love the children but my partners mum is always reminding me about his ex and mentioning how much like his ex his daughter is and how much everyone sees his ex when they look at his daughter. I love the kids but I cannot help thinking it was not for me to take all this on, I always wanted my own family and I do not want my own child yet. The children keep asking him why they are apart as they are getting to understand things now. How can I come to terms with this, its driving me mad, please please please help.
I dont want to loose my partner and I would never stop him from seeing his children. I live with my partner too so I feel I dont want to start my life over again?
2006-08-17 02:56:13 · 11 answers · asked by Gem 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I married a man with 2 children and one of my own ages at the time were 4, 3, 2. His mom is still friends with his ex-wife and makes comments also. It's hard, but you have to decide what is more important...being with the person you love and having a family whether it is biologically yours or not, or having hard feelings against someone who is living in the past. The way I see it is that it will just take time for her to accept you as his partner rather than the kids' mother. I have gotten to the point where it doesn't bother me when she talks about the ex because he is with me, & we both had lives before eachother yet we choose to be together because we love eachother and our family is very important to us. I hope this helps...I could go into more detail, but it's a long and messed up story. =)
2006-08-17 03:07:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget what his mum says, maybe she had a soft spot for his former partner, leave her to her ramblings. The important thing is that you discuss your feelings with your partner, it's natural for you to feel as you do as the children signifies the tie he has to his former partner, however don't allow this to interfere with your relationship, he's with you now and you currently have best of both worlds. You get the chance to practice parenting skills and they go home, enjoy being part of a family, maybe next time when his mother comments, simply agree with her and add in any little extras i.e yes she's also a beautiful little girl and make positive comments about the other child too dont let her feed from your current insecurities. be positive. discuss with your partner what reasons he gives his children for not being with there mum, that way if u get asked you wont be put on the spot.
2006-08-17 11:42:59 · answer #2 · answered by felicitym2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, make sure you really love your partner and are staying with him because you love him, and not because it's the "easy thing to do." I know how hard it can be to break up with someone you live with, but if you don't actually love him, then you need to be true to yourself and to him.
When your partner's mother tells you how much his kids are like their mom, you could point out things that you notice they do that are like your partner.
Other than that, I don't think there is much more you can do. Kids resemble their parents and his ex will always be a part of his life, his family's life, and your life because his children are her children.
If you can't get past this, and don't want to be their surrogate mother, I advise you leave the relationship now before more damage is done.
2006-08-17 10:06:27 · answer #3 · answered by anabele6 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter married a guy 10 years than her and she became an instant mom to his daughter who turned 13 this year.
She is having problems with this too so I know where you are coming from.
The two of you need to make rules for everyone including yourselves. If these rules are made and stuck too things will go smoothly.
You and especially your partner need to step it up a notch with his family and tell them you understand the whole picture.
As for the kids asking if he talks with the mother of these kids have the two of them sit down with you there also and start telling them why but at the same time reassure them the love for them will always be there no matter what.
This as I see it is a test to see how much you can handle.
The thing that got me through when my husband was dying of cancer this last year was "God doesn't give us anything he doesn't think we can handle it will be hard but I will accept what God throws at me."
2006-08-17 10:20:39 · answer #4 · answered by stubbornmom2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a part of a blended family is never easy. I did if for 10 years and it wasnt easy in the beginning or the end. All you can do it love your partner and go with the flow. I didnt have children of my own either when we got together. And he said he didnt want more. Well I did. We agreed we would have one and ended up having three. As far as comments from his mother, well, those will always bother you. My mother in law never stopped but it did get better.
2006-08-17 10:03:49 · answer #5 · answered by whiskeygrl319 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to distance yourself from your future mother-in-law. Talk to your partner and tell him how you feel when she makes these comments about his ex. Explain that you love him and want everything to work out but this constant reminder of his ex by his mother only makes it harder.
The worst thing you can do is ask him to choose between you and his children. Parents and their children have a bond that can't be easily broken.
2006-08-17 10:03:19 · answer #6 · answered by shae 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello! you've survived for 2 years now! congratulations!! i suggest, meditate about the things that you've done in the past how come you were able to manage that kind of situation! collect them all and let that be your guide to hold on! i guess, there's one thing that had sustained you till this very moment... IT'S YOUR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! well, continue with the good that you have started! the next time your mom's partner bug you about that same matter again, just smile and say, "yeah.. she really is a carbon copy of her mom! at least you won't be missing her!" just one question... haven't you still been used to that? girl, it's been two years now!!..
2006-08-17 10:16:45 · answer #7 · answered by xieri 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you want this guy all to yourself. You needs to come with terms that he has kids and you just have to respect that. If you cant then leave cause he will not stop seeing his kids just cause you cant stand the fact that he has them with another woman. You knew he had kids when you got with him, so either sitck with him or go your way.
2006-08-17 10:04:27 · answer #8 · answered by baby_luv 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
selfishness. that's all it is. you think too much about you and your feelings. that's wrong. redirect your focus to them and making them happy and you will soon forget about you. this is the true measure of a woman. if you can not do this, then you need to move on with your life so that he and his children can find someone who can be mature enough to deal with the circumstances.
2006-08-17 10:09:57 · answer #9 · answered by HazelEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you don't have a very strong relationship with his mom. I would work on that. Once she sees how much happier her son and his kids are with you, then she'll stop.
2006-08-17 10:07:49 · answer #10 · answered by Aumatra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋