who is 7 years old and his dad is always too busy for his kids. We are recently divorced and my son tells me he would rather live with his dad so he can see him, but we live close to his dad and he doesn't bother to see the kids more than two or maybe three times a week, even though it's supposed to be joint parenting. It hurts me because I have always been the main parent in their lives even when their dad lived at home with us. I know they aren't trying to hurt me on purpose, but how do I deal with it??
2006-08-17 02:56:09 · 13 answers · asked by mariajd3 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dealt with the same situation. Though it hurts we all, as moms want to see our children happy.
My son was the same age as yours at the time now he just turned 13. I allowed him to be with dad for a little while but then he wanted to return to me on his own. He struggled with this for a while. He realizes that when he is at home with dad, he spends alot of time by himself.
But on the other hand you and your ex need to decide where he would be best at. What is best for him.
Your son loves you of course, very much so don't take it personal. Most little boys have a special bonding with dad. This is the time they feel torn apart, they need the nuturing from mom but the male bonding from dad so for the child it becomes a tough situation and painful.
Maybe since he lives close by you...you can speak to your ex husband and ask him if he can maybe spend some more time with his son. Maybe this void your son has will be filled if his dad just spends more time with him. Keep me posted and take care.
2006-08-17 03:45:10 · answer #1 · answered by tropicalangelheart25 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a child of divorce, and my mom (even though she used to live close to me) would never come and see me either. My dad would always be hurt too. The kid just REALLY wants that time with the dad. Eventually, he will realize what dad is doing, and he won't want too anymore, but then again, my mom has treated me really badly, and I still want to talk to her! I think its that parent-child relationship!
2006-08-17 10:03:03 · answer #2 · answered by Brittni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to talk to your ex-husband and try to find a way to make your son happy. Maybe he needs to spend a few nights a week with his Dad so he knows that he hasn't really "lost" him. Don't take it personally and be open to finding a solution that is best for all of you. He is very young and still needs to be with his mother so it would seem that if you and your ex could agree that it is in your son's best interest right now for him to be a more active parent and spend a few nights a week with him, that would be the best situation. Good luck.
2006-08-17 13:09:02 · answer #3 · answered by justme 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to deal with it the best way you can, your child loves you, but he misses his dad. You tell your ex that your child wants to live w/ him and it may be a good idea for the time being. your son will realize in time that Mom's house is less stressful, and i'm sure more structured. Just give it some time.
2006-08-17 10:02:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he isn't around as much as he should be, then it isn't in their best interest to be with him. That is what you need to focus on. All you have to tell them is "no". They will be mad at you. Don't let your hurt show, stay stern and firm. When they go to bed, shed those tears that all of us momma's have to shed from time to time, but be comferted in the fact that they will grow up and eventually understand what things were like and that you were not trying to deprive them of dad, but protect them, and they will respect you, and more importantly, they will learn a valuble parenting lesson. You can always email me for "fellow momma" support. My kids are 6 and 3. mcnees79@yahoo.com
2006-08-17 10:08:21 · answer #5 · answered by mcnees79 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing...my older children decided that living with dad and all his money..and the things he could buy them that I couldn't afford...was where they wanted to go..I had recently remarried.. I remind them NOW that they want to come back...this is not a yo-yo! You can't bounce from one house to the other. Tell the child that IF that's what will make him happy...You only want his happieness...but let him know...this is a decision that he'll have to live with once the choice is made~Cause truthfully...you only want your child to be happy..I know this is tough..but my two have lived with their "father"(i use that term loosely) almost 5 yrs..and my oldest son..wants to come back..but his father isn't letting him..BE HAPPY!!
2006-08-17 10:04:00 · answer #6 · answered by just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let your child do it......
After about 2 weeks, most likely he'll want to come back.
He may feel you are the one responsible for the divorce and it's his way of "showing you".
It'll all take it's course.
But DO NOT let him keep doing it. He'll get mad if he does come back, and then play the I'm going to live with dad.......you do not want to get into this game. Be firm. But let him try it, ONCE.
2006-08-17 10:09:49 · answer #7 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just give it some time. It is obvious that you are probably the better parent and in this situation that is the best thing for him. Try to not let it get you down. Try to explain to him that you both love him and that for right now he has to stay with mommy. As time goes on your bond will become increasingly stronger with him.
2006-08-17 10:03:22 · answer #8 · answered by Wally 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well allot of kids that age will play parents against each other,not to hurt them but more less to get there way in something.I would almost bet that if you said, sure go live with him, that he would not stay there long, and be calling you back soon.
2006-08-17 10:02:35 · answer #9 · answered by Cobra 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go live with his father, so he can learn the truths you already know to be true about his dad. However make sure that he will be/ is being properly supervised by his father; for he may be wanting to go live with him, so he can get away with more innapropriate freedoms than you, as a loving parent that is there to supervise him, will allow him to get away with.
2006-08-17 10:05:27 · answer #10 · answered by eric l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋