Mother in laws?

Question

I don't think my mother in law likes me, she complains to my husband about me even though i'v asked her to speak to me if there are any problems. She doesn't like me cooking for him and always has to make funny remarks, me and my husband have fallen out over this many a time. She makes me feel so small and i dread going home. When his sister comes around i try so hard to make an effort but it's as if i don't exist.We can't move out because of other family commitments he has. I just want to be happy in my marriage, me and my husband get on so well, but this is ruining our marriage, at times i think i should just leave, i think she thinks i'm taking her son from her, where is all i want to do is get on with everyone. She even hates us going out, makes remarks that my husband should spend more time at home and take the family out. We have only been married 4 months and i hate evey minute of it in that house, i'm always in a bad mood,what should i do before i turn really bitter?

Answer 1

Not that this is at all okay but my mother in law came down to help out after I had my baby a few weeks ago and she was horrible. She complained that her son was the one who needed to rest and that I should be up cooking him dinner and washing his clothes ( three days after birth). So the night before she left to go home I lost it while washing dishes and I decided that if I didn't do something to make myself feel better I would flip.....So I decide to wipe the coffee pot filter with veg. oil so that when she made her coffee that morning I could sit back and have a good laugh.............I did not relize that it would cause her to spend most of her plane ride home in the bathroom due to what she thought was a virus..........No it was not right but it helped me keep my sanity and it gave me and my mother a good laugh:)

Answer 2

oh hell sweetie that sounds terrible! Maybe you should confront your mother in law and ask her why make such rude remarks all the time, sometimes talking doesnt work... maybe get your husband to talk to her for you? must be tough being as you've only just got married, you should be enjoying your marriage life - not hating every single day of it, don't let her get to you.
She probably has some kind of plan and unfortunately your probably falling for it... I do think thats terrible though because mothers should have respect for their own children and respect their ambitions and decisions...
If this does get too much for you, maybe you could move out - but still be married - just not living together thats all... thats just a suggestion though, sometimes when you start to separate thats when it all goes down hill, but nothings worse than not being accepted by your husbands family... i hope you get it sorted soon...

Answer 3

I think that you need to talk to your husband about this situation, I know he will probably down play it but it is for the best. Also, what ever the family situation is that you all cannot move out as yet I think you should at least have apart of the house that is you and your husband that is offlimits to everyone else. I think your mother in law is very selfish and is only thinking of herself and is not ready to give up claims on her "little boy". But your husband's responsibility now is to you. I think you all need to find your own place close by. I think that you and you husband as newly weds need to go out by yourselves, need to spend as much time together as possible to build your marriage together. Living in that house with someone with that type of attitude could cause you to ruin your marriage. I advise you to find some way to stop living in that house. ( how come when you guys were dating she wasn't acting negatively..... or was she?)

Answer 4

Have you ever tried just the two of you doing something together like a girls day or night?

This may help cement your relationship with her and you can re-enforce that your husband will always be her son and that you are there to love him just a different kind of love that the love for her will never change.

Have you offered to help her around the house? If not try it it may help.

I don't have to worry about my mother-in-law I don't have one cause she died 11 years after we were married but at times I wish she was around so we could have some fights.

Hang in there just keep reassuring her that both of you love her and the spot in her son's heart that he has will or never will be taken away from him cause that is his mom's spot and nobody can take it.

Answer 5

Mother in laws are often like this as they feel threatened and as though you are going to take away their precious baby boy!! The best thing to do is move out so it's just you and your husband, you need time alone. What family commitment can he have that is more important than his new marriage to you, you are his family now!

Answer 6

I hate to tell you this, but I'm afraid this situation won't get any better as long as you live in your mother-in-law's house. Your husband may have commitments to his family, but he made a commitment to you too. If it is impossible to move out, ask your husband to stand up for you when his mother is critical of you. He needs to let her know that his commitment to you is just as important as any commitment to his family. And if it doesn't get better, the two of you should move out.

Answer 7

Wow. You're telling my old story and it did not have a happy ending.

Your mother in law is treating you badly - because she can. There is no other reason. She knows that you are dependent on her and she has the upper hand. The whole family is going to continue to treat you as if you don't exist because they wish you didn't.....that way they could have your husband all to themselves for ever.

You need to move out right away. If you don't have enough money to get an apartment, get a room somewhere. Hopefully, you have a job that will help you get on your own...if not, please find one right away.

I went through this with my in-laws for 24 years and it was hell all the way. I tried everything to make them like and accept me and they never did - what was even worse was that I built up so many resentments that I ended up hating them and myself. It was not worth it.

Dr Phil says it best: "You teach people how to treat you by the way you treat yourself". If you are knocking yourself out to please them, they will expect that you owe them that. It won't make them like you better. It will make you feel like a servant.

Be as nice as you can without giving yourself away. You have a right to exist and to be with your husband. Hold your head high and let them make some positive moves in your direction for a change. Obviously her son married you so you belong with him. You don't have to defend yourself for being there.

Best of luck to you in working through this. It can turn you into a witch to your husband because he doesn't see what you see...and eventually destroy your marriage, if you let it.

Any place you can move will be better than living under this kind of stress. Believe me, if your marriage falls apart, they won't care. It's up to you to keep it together and happy.

Answer 8

Ya'll cannot start building your lives until you get out of your mother in laws house. Your husband and you have to build YOUR home together, be it a small apartment or rent house. As long as he is around momma, he's her son, not your husband. Ya'll need to move out and your happiness will make up for being broke.

Answer 9

Sounds like you've made a big mistake! Why can't he leave home? Must be some pretty big committments he has - does he have to service his mother and sister as well as you?

His mother is a domineering old bat who has your husband just where she wants him ... Get he hell out of there and don't go back! Tell him it's you or her and he has 1 minute to choose before you walk.

Answer 10

I know you have spoken to her already, but perhaps if the three of you sit down together and talk about it she might see the error of her ways! Plus your husband needs to understand that this is causing you a lot of problems and he should perhaps stand up to his mother and stick up for you. At the end of the day he is a grown man and married and therefore should be putting you first!