how can I tell my partner of 8 years that I MAY not be carrying his baby, after a drunken( by that I mean I cant remember,at all?!) one night stand, and how would I ask the other fella if he used contraception?. I feel so embarassed and ashamed so I dont need people telling me how stupid I am Iv already told myself all this.
2006-08-17 01:06:59 · 15 answers · asked by mummy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Yes I am pregnant, no its not a differant race thank you!. And by my calculations it should be my boyfriends although the other fella happened on the 14th day after so called "conception".
2006-08-17 01:17:47 · update #1
wouldnt it be better for all involved if I told the truth?
2006-08-17 01:19:22 · update #2
Marinersfan!. Yes he does remember thanx the poor lads only 18.
2006-08-17 01:22:58 · update #3
Oh an Marinersfan yes you can conceive on a one night stand you dope, did no one teach you the birds and bees!?
2006-08-17 01:25:22 · update #4
Iv had a flash back about that night.
2006-08-17 01:26:25 · update #5
It`s no good all these idiots telling you,you messed up,you need some practical advise.I presume you are keeping the baby,so you need to ask yourself this;If you don`t tell either of them can you truly live with this secret?Who at the end of the day,do you want to be with ?Will he be a good father to the baby?It`s no good cutting yourself up over this,it`s no good for you or your baby.The chances are that the baby is probably your partners anyway,unless you know for a fact that he can`t father children.Personally I would just be happy and forget the one night stand,as it seems you can`t remember much about it anyway.Good luck to you and your baby and your partner.
2006-08-17 06:04:37 · answer #1 · answered by AMANDA G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a serious matter, and I think the *right* thing is to not be anything other than honest about the situation. However- I realise that that would be very hard for you and I'm in no position to tell you what you should or shouldn't do.
I think that there are a few other things that you could or should do before you sit and talk to your man about this if you intend to do that. It's best to go into that conversation armed with all of the facts at your disposal..... so...
Talk to the man you slept with on your one night stand and ask him if he used a condom. If he did then, you can at least rule him out of the equasion and focus back on your partner.
If he didn't or you can't talk to him for some reason...I think that it would be a VERY good idea for you to go to the doctor as soon as possible and to get an ultrasound scan at the earliest opportunity. This may help you to determine the time of conception in a more exact way, to the nearest day - and will give you a better idea of who the father is.
After doing all of these things you may or may not choose to tell your partner about the infidelity. It's a difficult one because it was a one night stand and it can be argued that telling him may cause more harm than good if this indeed WAS an isolated never to be repeated incident.
Saying this, after 8 years with somebody you should at the very least be able to be honest with them and talk to them openly in a matter this serious. The choice is yours.
good luck my dear
S
x
2006-08-17 03:04:03 · answer #2 · answered by lady_sephie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come clean, it's the only way. Otherwise you will live the rest of your days in fear and feeling guilty. If the baby is your partners, then perhaps you will be able to salvage the relationship. If it isn't his, then maybe you could try some counselling together to work through it. I hope you learnt something from your indiscretion however. This time you were lucky, if you were so drunk the outcome could have been a lot worse. I don't mean to patronise or lecture you but I think you know what I mean.
If it was me, I would have to tell my partner. Hopefully you can find the strength to do this. I hope that everything works out OK and lay off the alcohol!
2006-08-17 02:00:59 · answer #3 · answered by roxpox99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OUCH!! I have one question though, how do you know you slept with anyone else if you can't remember it at all? Anyways, sit him down and tell him that you have something that you need to tell him and he's not going to like it. Tell him how you feel about him. Then go in to the story of getting drunk and go from there. Does the other guy remember anything? You can just ask him if he used a rubber. I'm not going to tell you how stupid you are, due to the fact that you are beating on your self and you feel genuinely bad. However, I am going to ask you... why you would put yourself in that situation in the first place? If you can't remember anything that night then how do you actually know what went on? could have been rape, could have been a gang bang!! What were you thinking when you were drinking yourself to oblivion? End of speech....I hope all goes well with you and I hope that he forgives you and I hope that this is the last time you do something like this.
2006-08-17 01:24:54 · answer #4 · answered by Moon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why bother? The chances of you conceiving on a drunken one night stand are pretty remote so why spoil at least 2 other lives when you don't really need to?
If you're set on confessing then I suggest you make a calculation as to when it happened and if you also had intercourse with your partner around that time. Obviously if he was working away for 3 months at that time, you'll be hard pushed to make him believe the baby is his and so you'll have to come clean.
As for asking the other guy about contraception, do you think he'd even remember having sex with you? It seems to me you're just another notch on his bedpost!
2006-08-17 01:14:32 · answer #5 · answered by Marinersfan 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well I believe everyone has messed up in some way in there life, so I would try not to beat myself up about it. It' snot good for the baby. Anyway, I would talk to the other guy first and see if he did in fact wear contraception. If he didn't and you have the conception down to around the time you slept with this guy. You can either try to sit down and have a talk with this boyfriend if you think he is reasonable. Otherwise you could wait and see what the baby looks like. I know my kids popped out looking just like their Daddies. Hope this helped in soem way
2006-08-17 01:13:57 · answer #6 · answered by mama2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the moment I think you need to speak to the man you had a one night stand with. Speak to him about what happened and your concerns that it may be his child. Ask him to please keep it confedential as if it is your partner's child you don't want him finding out about your infedility and splitting a family up. When the baby is born, arrange a paternity test with this man. If it is his child, I suggest you come clean with your partner. It would be easy to keep it a secret, but nothing can stay a secret forever. Rather do it while the child is still a baby, and cannot be hurt aswell. Whatever your partner decides to do will be his decision. But ask him to please be the father of your child, even if its not his biological child. If it is your partners child, I suggest you put this all behind you, thank God, and hold on to what you got.
I hope this helps.
2006-08-17 01:17:15 · answer #7 · answered by amzalama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need a sonagram to know the baby's due date.
If you know when you were with your man & the other man, and the dates are more than 2 weeks apart I wouldn't be worried about the paternity.
I hope you've been tested for STI's & it should be up to you're ideas of what you want to base your relationship on with you're partner whether you tell him or not about the one night stand.
2006-08-17 01:50:41 · answer #8 · answered by lostintheclover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear. If I were you, I would keep shtum, for the good of everyone involved.
It may not be the moral thing to do, but will keep life reletively uncomplicated.
Good luck.
2006-08-17 01:13:03 · answer #9 · answered by fiend_indeed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would not say anyhting and wait to see what the baby comes out like and if it is a diff race then tell him!
if u can get a way with it dont tell him!!
2006-08-17 01:11:48 · answer #10 · answered by princessnicola23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋