Oh how I miss you…
O how I miss you.
I don’t know why.
You called me a *****.
You wanted me to die.
I used to be happy.
And now im not.
Its cuz you left me.
Its feels as ive been shot.
You made me feel special.
Like no one else could.
You made me feel better.
When no one else would.
It tares me apart.
That I’ve lost you.
Im just asking for a chance.
And hope you love me too….
Just one last chance.
I still love you.
You were my life.
I cant get through.
2006-08-16 23:25:53 · 21 answers · asked by KJ 2 in Beauty & Style ➔ Other - Beauty & Style
its a really good poem :) keep it up
i give u 9/10
hey if you want to make it better heres a way i do with all my writings:
first write the finishd poem, then just fold it(or just close the notebook) and put it under ur bed and forget all about it for about at least one week. once u read it after that week u will see the poem in another persons point of view and u start seeing wats wrong with it :)
2006-08-16 23:33:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The idea has been captured well, and the poem is well structured. However, the punctuations and spelling leave a lot to be desired.
I think this is your draft version. Before putting it for review, go through the spelling, punctuations and other mundane things.
The version as is, would get a rating of 6/10. If the spelling and punctuations are taken care of, it will merit an 8/10.
2006-08-16 23:34:28 · answer #2 · answered by ks_anand_77 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have worked as editor-in-chief of a literary magazine. If I received your poem as a submission for my magazine, I would tell you the following:
* You need to brush up on your spelling.
* You need to brush up on your punctuation.
* You need to brush up on your grammar.
* You need to increase your vocabulary. The words you used are not very descriptive. Try to choose interesting words that make the reader feel a certain way.
As it is, your poem is a collection of words that happens to rhyme, but which does not affect the reader.
* You need to work on the rhythm. The rhythm is very jerky, and it doesn't flow. For example, "Its feels as ive been shot." has too many syllables.
FYI, it is OK to write a poem that doesn't rhyme. What matters is the flow.
* I suggest taking a class in poetry, to familiarize yourself with different techniques: alliteration, personification, metaphor, etc.
Note that most people are not born with the ability to write good poetry. It is something that you learn in one or more of the following ways:
* By reading other people's poetry
* By taking literature or creative writing classes
* Through trial and error
Therefore, do not worry if people give you a poor rating. You tried and failed, but you learned something from it, so your next poem will be better.
Good luck.
2006-08-17 05:49:25 · answer #3 · answered by Victoria 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
bla bla bla sound like a wine that rimes, u need more imagination when it comes to ur verbs, here a good example of some good stuff
With your sunspot stopwatch renegade savio stances
You'll say to take your chances
Or else you'll break your branches as you climb
To that top shelf tuna melt buckle up your seatbelt Ricki Lee Jones
And everything that you think you own
Is fool's gold and ancient fossil stones
You got more than you need but you need a lot more than some do
Look at your cigarette burn through
The things you can't un-do if you try
Well that's tough luck King Tutt, Daffy Duck
2006-08-16 23:37:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! purely 12?! Your impressive!! i might want to offer it a 9.5. There are some misspellings, some punctuation complications, and the begining is a touch if-y, yet wide-spread, impressive POEM!!! particularly solid interest, and solid success writing destiny poems!!
2016-11-05 00:09:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK in love with an abuser... it's demented... twisted. Begging to be loved by a jerk. Check your spelling. And work with it a little. It is ok. But, I would really suggest writing more positively than on a lost love that don't need you anyway ~ and try to pull up that self esteem girly ... lylas
2006-08-16 23:33:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
4. the rhyme scheme sucks. the theme period is pretty conventional. But you will get over the pain. good luck
2006-08-16 23:32:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
really good but u can make it a bit more expression-ful and better.ur really gud though.if ur interested in POEMS,u can contact me.im interested in POEMS too.
OUT OF 100
I'll say 89
Thats a pretty gud mark 2!!
2006-08-16 23:28:18 · answer #8 · answered by i 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Change the last stanza to:
I want to forgive you,
but I don't want to try,
You're a dick, come to think of it,
So **** off and die.
2006-08-16 23:31:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it very much,I think that it comes from your heart you have a heart felt of emotions.
2006-08-16 23:44:28 · answer #10 · answered by ThE qUeEn Of ThE dArK 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋