How do I get people to see past the fat?

Question

Sorry I didn't know where I should post this.

People are always really rude to me, or talk down to me, because I am overweight. I'm sixteen, and people seem to think since I'm not a size six I must be an idiot. Like the other day these guys on the bus, turn around in there seat and stare at me smirking. I ask them if they need help with something, and they tell me to go on a diet! I get sick of being treated badly, and always being ignored or looked down on. I've never been in a relationship cause it seems like guys around here only go for skinny girls. Please help.

Related links: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=As9bm5DVBVntEx.U1C0vp2vsy6IX?qid=20060816064909AAMgUM9

Why do some people feel like they are so much better than others, like myself that are overweight? Is it because they feel we have a lack of self-control or what?

Answer 1

Hopefully you will meet more peoplee like me who doesn't judge peoplle from on the outside of things. Not everyone is like this, most people tthat have a issue with their appearance are really nice people and outshine people that look good. You sound like you have a beautiful personality, and out of that you will find people that will accept you for who you are. Don't change yourself just because of what society wants everyone to look like, you want people that will like you for you.

Answer 2

I like the fact that you asked them if they needed help. obviously they do! lol

They are the ones with a lack of self control and a lack of manners too. At 16, many people are very superficial, they are still developing their minds and very unsure of themselves. And in order to make themselves feel better all they know to do is put someone else down. They can not deal with anyone who is different, and their reaction is to make fun. So it's not so much about you, it is them, but because you are different on the outside, they feel superior without even knowing you. I'm sorry for your pain. And I will tell you honestly, some never grow out of it or grow up.

Wow, I just looked at your link, you are pretty. I know it's like having your grandma tell you that, because i'm some older women. It's hard to hear but I think you should just wait and not be concerned about boys, and just have fun with your family and your friends. Anyway teenage boys smell funny, lol.

Answer 3

Basically almost all teens at your age are total butt heads. Their need to ridicule and mock you is a sign of their immaturity and childish ways. I am what you would call overweight, I've been on both sides of the fence and your best defense is a productive offense. You will never be able to stop their stupidity but you can choose how you react to their stupidity. I'm not saying to let them walk all over you but they want a reaction and that is what you are giving them. You will grow up, you will move on, and someday the shoe will be on the other foot.

Answer 4

Perhaps you should continue to call these people on their bad behavior. I rather like your style in that regard. Keep up the good work.

Don't worry about the relationship thing. If the guys are so shallow that they only want to date stick figures, it wouldn't be much of a relationship anyway. Don't settle.

I just responded to the question you linked to as well.

Answer 5

i used to be 17 stone, and one day i just decided to lose the fat i had stored when i was roughly 14. it took me 3 months to lose 4 stones and i started to see the world in a different colour. I was happy with myself in every way. My advice is to lose the weight, you will feel much happier. It is true that no-one is better than you, but there is always going to be unhappy thoughts if you feel bad about your self. Best thing is to just lose the weight. I guarantee you, you will feel million times better.

Answer 6

It's so ridiculous.
The current trend or "fashion" in America is guyism, lookism and shallow sour pussed dull people.
I hear you on wishing people could get off of the Nazi desire for everyone to be a 100 pound blond with blue eyes and a nice vapid look on their face.
I can't just blame media, because people have their own minds and can make them up for themselves if they had the courage. It's just easier to go with the ugly little dull flow.
Have you noticed how sad, angry or just plain void of emotion everyone’s face is too?
I know they're not happy limiting themselves to what’s acceptable, but they just don’t have the courage to deal with the static their “friends” will give them for being seen with “those people”.
I just don’t care what people think of me. I have a lot of non modern things going on. I'm over weight, I smoke, I love heavy metal, loud, I don’t watch “reality tv”, I am a night person, I write everything from fantasy to erotica and so on, and have never failed to get a load of sh*t for it from someone.
So what. I’m going to be myself, and a Lot of people are attracted to me because I have the confidence to be myself. My funny, exotic, vulgar, strange, philosophical, over weight, amazing, interesting and misunderstood,etc self.
Just make better friends and let the rest be background noise in the movie of your life.

Answer 7

Sounds like YOU need to get past the FAT ATTITUDE first. And not be on the offensive all the time. Instead of asking if they need help with anything. Try Hi, nice day isn't it? Then your response from them could have been a lot different.

Answer 8

take up kick boxing (private lessons if you're self-conscious)

Answer 9

I'm going to take a shot at offering just some general things I know about boys, weight, people in general, and teenagers. Some of my thoughts may not apply to your situation. Some may.

First, teenagers (especially some boys, not all) can be shallow and/or mean, particularly when they get together and feed off each other's enjoyment of teasing someone or giving them a hard time. It has to do with their age, their own insecurities and wish to make their pals laugh and to belong, and usually with their having a less than nice disposition regardless of their age.

On top of that, teenagers really have no idea of exactly how lousy they're being to someone. I remember a girl in my class who had some health condition and weighed about 70 lbs and had thick glasses, and for some reason all the boys would taunt her beyond belief. They'd yell that she smelled and make animal noises when she walked by - all kinds of things. I don't know how she managed to stay in school and graduate.

Often, people who want to taunt or tease or harrass or upset someone else will find the thing they know will do the job best. Sometimes, too, they aren't teasing for laughs. Sometimes there is something else about the victim they don't like (maybe they sense some animosity from them, maybe the victim is self-righteous or a whiner or a snob or whatever), so they decide to hit where it hurts. The school bus has always been known as the place where the most obnoxious behavior can take place.

In general, there is misunderstanding about weight problems. You've got the 100 lb people who think "all you have to do is don't eat too much" and you have the overweight people who think, "This is what I am. Overweight is just as beautiful as thin is. You should see that." What many people don't understand is that the person with a small frame doesn't need to many extra calories to gain weight. The person under enormous stress or with a very busy schedule may take in a few too many calories in order to either feel calmer or to have energy to get what she needs to get done. The people who want us all to start thinking that being heavier is just as pretty as being thin are, I think, a little misguided because thin is healthier, and you can't change the fact that many people see the trim, fit body as ideal.

Many heavier people think they "have a right" to wear the same clothes, halter tops and all, that thin people wear; but by wearing certain clothes an overweight person can call attention to her weight. I'm not saying the overweight sixteen-year-old girl should wear a tent dress to her ankles, but there are some clothes that call more attention to extra weight than others do. The young woman who dresses in a way that doesn't call attention to her extra weight and who sees herself as worthy of being treated with respect can "fool" people into not noticing the weight very much. If Even though young women want to wear what everyone else is wearing, sometimes its better for them to wear what looks most flattering on them. For example, wear pants but not tight jeans. Wear the latest little "jacket top" but not a halter top. Find a nice top that skims the hips rather than one that highlights a belly or a thick waist. If a young woman with extra weight dresses in a way that makes her come across as having dignity, a little elegance once in a while, femininity, and style people don't notice the weight as much. If you play up your hair and make the most of your good facial features, or if you play up particularl pretty hands, feet, ankles - whatever you have that is really good people don't notice the weight as much.

I know it may seem that I'm suggesting ways for you to "meet with the approval" of these little goons on your bus, but I'm not. If you see yourself with respect, dress as if you respect yourself and show that someone who has some extra eight can dress attractively and in a feminine, stylish, or cool way that is still right for her build; you will feel more sure of yourself, but also you may gain some "respect points" that you may not right now have. (Again, I don't know if this applies to you.)

Something you do need to ask yourself is whether you have gotten now so you have a "thing" going between you and these boys. For example, did they say something once and you answered back and then they said something else etc until it "got established" that you are now they're "enemy"? Is it possible there is some attitude you've developed (maybe because you haven't been treated well) that is really the thing these boys need to attack? In other words, are they sensing animosity from you and kind of responding by hitting where it hurts?

Are there overweight girls in your school that seem to be treated with respect or even admired or may be in the "In-Crowd"? There were in my school. These days there are more and more overweight young people (including children). I can't help but think there are girls in your school who have weight problems but who are admired anyway. Some people have a way of making any extra weight issue kind of go into the background.

Another thing I wonder is how many people are really out-and-out rotten to you? Is it just a few boys that you have a thing with now or is it everywhere in school? Is it possible you're "expanding out" the bad attitude to people who don't think anything about your weight just because a few poorly behaved boys have been rude?

At this point, I don't know what you could do to make the thing with the boys on the bus any better other than to make sure you don't sit near them. If they get too bad, though, you should go to the school counselor's office and tell them you want the harrassment to stop. Don't worry that these boys will think less of you. They already do. Don't worry that the nicer kids will think less of you if you "tell". They probably wonder why you haven't already done it. The school officials can tell these boys that their behavior won't be tolerated.

You're only sixteen. Many, many girls haven't been in a relationship at that age. I remember thinking it was the end of the world that I had only dated people but had no real boyfriend. Looking back, I can see how it is expecting too much to think every girl should have a relationship by sixteen. You're just getting started.

Something else is that often when boys think it bothers you they'll do it even more than they had originally planned to. You have to develop a really thick skin and really just decide you don't care what they say. (There's always the remark you could make, "I can lose weight and be thin, but you can't do anything about how stupid you are") I'm not necessarily recommending that type of thing, but its there if you need it.

Bottom line is you have to try to remember that you're weight isn't the measure of you or even the measure of your beauty. Yes, it is something about yourself you'd probably like to change; but you have to remind yourself that your weight doesn't define you. If you believe that there's the chance it will come across to others in the way you dress, in your dignity, in any increased confidence you can have.

Try not to overestimate how much most people care about your weight. I know that for me, the only weight I care about is my own.

Finally, yes - you are at a time in your life when you have to be in a high school, where the people are at an age when they're stupid, insecure, cruel, wiseguys, and whatever else. You will never again be in such a difficult environment as you are right now. Try to just remember that you will be out of there before you know it. When you can, try to find another way to school if possible (other than the bus).

I don't know if any of my loose-ended ramblings and observations will be of any help or insight to you or not. Just thought I'd give it a shot....

People will see past the fat when you can let it be less important to you or when you can find a way not to call attention to it with your clothing (if you're doing that) or with any attitude you may have developed as a result of it. They'll see past it if you can make your femininity, strength, intelligence, beauty, dignity, sense of humor, integrity and self-respect shine past your weight.

Finally, if someone brings up your weight don't act as if they've brought up a tabu and sensitive subject. Just say, "Yeah - I do have a weight problem right now and I'm not happy about it, but there are worse problems in the world; so I don't want to hear about it right now. " If you take that kind of approach it takes the air out of the balloon of any taunters.