He didn't forget...he just didn't do anything for me, and we have only been married for 2 years. It really hurt.
2006-08-16 23:00:59 · 49 answers · asked by bburgandy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"your" that is
2006-08-16 23:02:06 · update #1
Like I said...it wasn't just not getting a card...he didn't acknowledge it at all and I know he didn't forget.
2006-08-16 23:10:29 · update #2
Hi all, thankyou for all of your thoughts...My husband did buy cards and flowers when we were dating, not alot but he was more thoughtful back then.
I have always told him how much the written words from him, inside the card mean to me, but I guess he just doesn't get it. I do remind him, but it doesn't always work. He didn't even give me a card or note or anything for our 1 year marriage anniversary! He always hears from me how much it hurts, and I know cards don't mean that much to him, but he always wants to spend money on his bday though...and I'm not even asking for a gift. Everyone needs dif things out of a marriage, it's about compromise.
I guess we are coasting in our marriage...and only after 2 years.
Anyway, he did apologize, but only cause I let him know how much it bothered me that he couldn't make me feel special one day out of the year! Not asking alot. He said he would make it up to me and never did.
I'm over it now, but won't expect anything ever again.
2006-08-22 22:57:54 · update #3
Thank you for showing me that I am not the only one this has happened to! My husband got me nothing for any holiday last year! Valentine's, Birthday, Christmas. He got an earful, but it honestly does no good. I'm sorry, but I will wish you Happy Birthday, Happy Valentine's Day and Merry Christmas. Us women have to stick together!
2006-08-20 17:46:05 · answer #1 · answered by angelica11_01 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop and ask yourself if he would be hurt if you didn't give him a card. He probably doesn't get that a card is important to you.
My husband did the same thing the first year we were married. So I sat him down and said, "Hey, I want cards." He said, "Oh, Okay, sorry." We didn't fight, and he appreciated that I treated him like a grown-up rather than a kid, and has been good ever since.
Likewise, on the first Mothers' Day after my son was born, I called and left a message on his cell the day before. I said, "This may not be obvious to you, but I'm expecting something tomorrow." I got a gift certificate to my favorite clothes store to go splurging and a nice dinner out. Which was much better than sitting by myself and pouting. And I won't have to remind him again next year, because I did it in such a way that he could save face. He pretended he'd already planned it, even though I know he hadn't.
Our pre-marital counselor put it well. He said- Imagine you're in a dark room and someone is telling you to turn on the light. But they have their hand on the light switch. That is basically what happens when we want someone to do things but don't explain to them how. You want your husband to make you feel special, but you have in your mind the specific ways that happens- cards, dinner, flowers, etc. He has no idea that those are your expectations unless you tell him. It's not fair to be mad at him for not reading your mind, because men are just different.
Forgive him once, kindly express what you would like next time, and let it go. You'll feel much better, trust me.
2006-08-22 21:40:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, wake up to a higher level of maturity and stop being selfish. If I were you, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. First of all, when was your birthday? What were you expectting? Did he promise you anything?
1. For all you know, he is planning a big surprise for you either on weekend or a few days from now?
2. He might be very sick and he is just not telling you about it so as not to ruin your day.
3. You might have done something to hurt his feelings recently that is why he acted this way on your birthday.
4. He might have missed your birthday unintentionally. You should have reminded him. How come you're too sure that he did not forget?
5. If he promised you something for your birthday and he did not fulfill it, then that should merit a reaction from you.
For now, it would be best for you to tell him about how you feel and see how he reacts. From his reaction, then you would know what to do next. This thing is between your husband and yourself.. try to talk things out first. If it doesn't work, then make your move.
2006-08-16 23:29:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
As a Representative of the male species, I don't get what is so great about cards (or why women place such importance on them). They are usually rather impersonal, unless they are written by the person who I receive them from. Besides, can you picture him getting all bent out of shape over a card? Not likely...
Me and my wife see eye to eye on this (she's a tomboy). But on the other hand, I always do something for my wife to make her day, for richer or poorer.
If he even murmured the phrase "happy b-day" I'd let him off the hook. Are you two fighting over something, or coasting though your marriage? I wish I knew your answer, but I think it's entirely up to you to audit your state of marriage...
Nothing beats calm communication. Best regards.
2006-08-16 23:15:50 · answer #4 · answered by Bush Whacker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know... that's a tough one. I know it sucks being ignored like that, and you probably think - at least he could have made something of an effort, which in a way is probably true.
Before you get all mad at him though, try and think about how much of a deal he makes about HIS birthday - maybe he is one of those people who just ignores them all together (birthdays in general). If he does not celebrate his birthday then the chances are he would not even think to celebrate yours.
If he demands presents and parties on his special day though, you have every right to have a go at him.
I have never once received a card from my b/f, and we have been together almost seven years. I know him well enough by now not to take it personally though, it is just that he shows how he feels in other ways.
2006-08-16 23:09:50 · answer #5 · answered by HP 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's Just A Card
Chill
Cherish The Love
Don't Bother Over A Card
Take Care
Have Fun
2006-08-16 23:04:54 · answer #6 · answered by Singapore_Lady 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Personally,from a man's point of view, I would expect the silent treatment for about a week or so without making him dinner or anything like that. If you do his laundry which I imagine you do not wash any of his clothes for maybe a week let him do it himself. Then possibly get yourself dressed up to the nines and go out with some girlfriend that you have your girlie chats with and maybe go to a nightclub or whatever is in your area.
Just out of mild curiosity when was the last time you got flowers from him?
Hold on I've just re read and found out you have been married for 2 years...........this is wrong , wrong , and I apologise on behalf of my sex!!!!
2006-08-22 11:39:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel really bad for you....at least my husband tells me Happy Birthday, but that is it. He has really never gotten me anything for any of the holidays...except Christmas...that is when he goes all out. But I know he loves me and he gives me money or whatever I want any time I ask him for it. Most men do not see the importance of giving you something on a specific day. They do not understand how women feel about these things. I don't think that it is a sign that he doesn't love you. I think it is just him being a male.
2006-08-17 00:19:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happy Belated Birthday!!! I'm sorry to hear that but what can you expect from a man. Talk to him and tell him how you feel if he still shows no emotion or regret leave the house for a couple of days. as my mother always said absence makes the heart grow fonder.
2006-08-16 23:08:00 · answer #9 · answered by Andrea A 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ummm...I guess I would be a little hurt but I'd get over it. On the other hand if he greeted me Happy B-Day and did something nice instead, that would be enough. Like they said, it's the thought that counts. The card is just one vehicle of getting that thought to you.
2006-08-16 23:16:06 · answer #10 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋