I recently asked for ideas on this forum with regard to the problems of being a step-parent. Since then the arguing and fighting have become too much and we have split. I am so broken- hearted and wonder why we (I?) couldn`t handle it. She is now seeking a divorce and I cannot see how to resolve this. Lost .
2006-08-16 22:39:45 · 27 answers · asked by richard p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am sorry..have you tried a mediator? Someone who is not biased in any ways to help you all speak your minds, and try to come to some sort of agreement...There really is no hope, if she is unwilling to try to work anything out, it might be too late...Unfortunately we usually wait to do anything until, it is out of control...
2006-08-16 22:46:02 · answer #1 · answered by yoohoosusie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Step families are the hardest and least successful of family types. I know it hurts but splitting up is probably best. Most people don't realize or understand the issues in blended/step families. It's rarely an issue of love between the couple that ends it, but all the issues, dynamics, and problems can certainly rip you apart. One of the biggest issues I experienced is the lack of a biological bond in the family structure and that creats huge issues, discipline, etc. The kids are often pitting everyone against each other.
Just let it go. Maybe you can be friends. Maybe keeping separate homes and only seeing each other when the kids are not around would work.
Here's some info, hope it helps you. Even this and advice from a professional step family coach didn't help us!
http://www.stepfamily.org/
2006-08-17 06:12:26 · answer #2 · answered by Carp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with a lot of the opinons in here. try some sort of couseling. or maybe some sort of family game night. i know i hated my step-dad until we really got to knew each other. i was older when i started appricating that even when he was an @#$ hole it was for my best intrest. (school work, chores... the norm) i think what we did was yelled at the wheel of fortune people. and then later fishing. thats how we bonded. and later books. i am a big geek and he liked to read too. i think if you and your wife and step child could get together and do something then things would get better. but a neutral source would also be good for venting some frustrations. its not going to be an easy road but now i am older and my mother and my step dad are divorced and we still talk. he was a good person and a good friend it just took me a long while to relize it.
2006-08-16 23:07:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her if she would be willing to do joint counseling with you. If things don't work out then remember you are not the only one going through a situation like this. No matter how terrible things seem there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I have had friends go through divorces and one of them was in and out of the hospital for a year he was so devastated. But now he has met another women who I think is much better for him than the previous one and is happier than ever. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-08-16 22:48:00 · answer #4 · answered by Elim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So sorry this has happened - it is very hard being a step parent and your wife's children are obviously very important to her otherwise she wouldn't want a break-up. My fiancee has no kids and when we were living together with my daughter there was endless problems. Luckily she was soon old enough to move into her own place and all the problems ended - they get on like a house on fire now. I guess the kids in question are still small. You need to all go for councilling - good luck.
2006-08-17 00:34:21 · answer #5 · answered by jaygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a step parent is sooooo hard, the arguements between the both of you and the kids its hard, have been there twice, and hate it, your kids, there kids, drives you nuts,, everyone playing each other, mind games, against one parent and the step dad or mom, whoa, its heart breaking, especially when you love the other person very much. It just causes so much stress for all, i hope that things will work itself out for you both, how about couselling or something like that, maybe that will help, goodluck
2006-08-19 22:16:13 · answer #6 · answered by donua1022 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its really rare that step parents and step children get on at all, the children see it as someone else trying be be a father/mother which they dont want at all and the step parent is trying to install there own morals and rules into a child who doenst want to hear it and to be fair you are not the real father!
I am sorry to say this but you have no connection with the children other than you married into the family, you want to be a father but you have to dal with the fact that you are not and never will be the father!
My dad is my step dad and I HATE him more than anyone else on the planet for what he tried and to some a large extent still trying to do by forcing his own views / rules / morals onto me.
I live away from him but still want nothing to do with him! this will never change!
I have a step brother and step sister who I treat as my own real brother and sister and will never cut them out of my life but there father can go to hell for what he has put me through.
You have to accept that you and your step children will never see eye to eye and will have to back off and remember that the reason you got married was because you love your wife.
The kids will get older and move out, this is natural so all you have to do is back off and let the kids do what ever they want to do and wait for the happy day when they are gone and you can live with your wife in a happy environment.
2006-08-16 23:00:54 · answer #7 · answered by matdevine21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very common. Its a very rare thing when step parents and step children get on. I know I grew up with a step father and my eldest son and my EX husband didn't get on, I hated my step dad. I don't know the answers, maybe councelling? I'm sorry I can't help but if you get answers I would love to know, so I can see where I went wrong. Good louck x
2006-08-16 22:45:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that this is really rough on you. The pain comes from all sides. Having no direction and not knowing where to turn is the qorst. There is hope and help. Maybe its harder for guys than girls, buy find someone to talk to, a counselor,pastor...someone qualified who can give you the direction and hope that you need for yourself first. Then you can deal with the rest and see things for what they truly are. Hang in there. It will take time, but things will get eventually better for you, You are in my thoughts.
2006-08-16 22:48:53 · answer #9 · answered by Juligrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if u love her, try talking to her, tell her that u dont want a divorce but that u arent sure how to be a step parent and what is required of u... be honest with her and ask her to help u in this matter
2006-08-16 22:46:01 · answer #10 · answered by vedz666 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋