How do I have a child if I have abused a child and people don't believe I should have any children?

Answer 1

Wow. What a sobering question.

When people abuse children it is because of some problem the abusive parent has inside. It doesn't matter who the child is. I don't know your situation, but I've had experience dealing with children who have been abused by their parents. In general, the parents don't change. Sometimes with a lot of professional help and guidance I think some can change, but even then there is something about the parent who abuses that is just different from those parents who just don't have that in them.

People who think you shouldn't have any children are worried that yet one more child will be brought into the world to a parent who doesn't quite know how to be the right kind of parent. These people you talk about are worried because when a child is brought into the world under less than solid circumstances (as when a parent has parenting problems) the child doesn't just suffer while he's a child. It tends to form his personality, and he may pay for it for the rest of his life.

Anyone who has experience caring for a child who has been abused knows how difficult and sometimes impossible it is to try to pick up the pieces for that child. Parents who would never abuse a child can see a huge difference between how they are with their children and how an abuser can be with his/her children. People who are abusive don't realize how different they are from "regular" parents, but they are very, very different. They can be helped but they have to be agreeable to that.

I don't know how you abused a child. When it comes down to it, it isn't anyone's business but yours whether you have any children. Sometimes people abuse children and don't know that what they do is abuse. Sometimes, though, people are well aware that they're being abusive. There is sexual abuse (probably a bigger reason not to have children than, say, if you "just lost it" one day and hit a child), and there is physical abuse. There is emotional, verbal and psychological abuse.
I would hope you would learn about all of these if you decide to have children.

I would hope, too, that regardless of who says what, you might talk this out with a professional who can give you solid direction on this issue. Sometimes a little "education" is all someone would need to make them realize they've approached parenting inappropriately (as in the case of inappropriate disciplining). While it isn't the business of those people you mentioned who don't think you should have children, its kind of good they have at least caused you to stop and think and question when it comes to the idea of children.

As someone who has had occasion to pick up the pieces after a child I know was abused, I cannot tell you how important I think it is that you never, ever abuse another child. You need to figure out if there's a way that - even if you have issues yourself - you can guarantee that you will never again do that; and if you can guarantee it then maybe it would be ok to have children. If you can't, though, maybe you need to do something else with your life, enjoy it, and build yourself into the person you want to be.

Best wishes. Much respect for the fact that you're asking for opiniions/advice.

Answer 2

Hi - I just finished reading what 'azaleaeight' wrote in response to this question - she gave some fantastic advice !!!
.People who are abusers of children were often abused themselves as children - Now I want it understood that I am NOT saying that all victims of child abuse become abusers because we know that is not so BUT a certain small percent do become abusers - the behavior of this percent arises out of the following pattern:

What you live with you learn -
And what you learn you practice.

Meaning that as you grow up you learn from your parents the 'skills' of how to parent - AND if one or both of your parents were abusive then you can have a tendency towards abuse as a problem solving methodology.
To put it simply - if you abuse and or come from an abusive home then you must spend your life being vigilant that you do not abuse in the future AND, sadly, since you have abused I think that it would not be a good idea to challenge yourself this way again - History has a horrible way of repeating itself.
If I were you I might seriously look into some good counseling.
I hope this helped a little bit.

Answer 3

What was going on in your mind when you abused a child? Do you see a psychologist now? Have you gotten therapy for your problem with abuse? And the reason you HAVE a child is because you alone can choose to or not to have children. That doesn't mean you deserve to have children. Almost any woman can have a child but that doesn't make her a mother. Do you abuse this child?

Answer 4

Get help now! If you abused a child in the past then you should NOT have any more children. Seek counseling. You are not fit to have children if you abused them previously.

Answer 5

Do not have any children if you have abused a child in the past in any way! My parents were abusive both emotionally and physically. Abuse last a lifetime! I suffer from severe depression, panic disorder, and post traumatic stress disorder. You should seek counseling to find out why you abuse children.

Answer 6

If you are even thinking about having more children, I would first make sure you have gotten all the help you can--if you still have any kind of issues in your life, don't even THINK about having a baby. If you've abused a child in the past, it is because of pent-up emotion and not being able to control yourself. Get all the help you can first, then think about it.

Answer 7

You're a child abuser...DON'T HAVE ANY!!! Those people are right! You probably will abuse again, and why would you want to bring a child in the world to deal with that?

Answer 8

I hate what people are saying 'bout you! You should try not to abuse anymore and you shall persuade people into thinking that you can care for your new child. Prove it to them by showing how well they are as they get older! One key thing: children are precious, do not abuse! Giving you lots of hope! Pray Jesus Lord all goes well

Answer 9

If you have abused a child you will need to work REALLY hard to prove to people that you wont abuse this child.

Answer 10

If you are a child abuser than you deffinetly do not deserve to be a mother to a precious innocent child.
How did you abuse a child and if you did you should be sterilised and locked up in jail!
Are you serious?By the sounds of it you should not be allowed near anyones child EVER!