i have a break up question...?

Question

we've been together for 10 years, have 2 children 6 and 9. and i feel that i am done, i can't do it anymore. he has always given me what i want, except the things that matter..respect for 1, honesty, trust. he doesn't think i'm ready to give it all up. i do not want to be with him and we have been seperated for a few days now. i have been done for a month now. i don't know how to let him know for real that it has to end, any suggestions?? is there any way to forgive him if i feel these hateful and resentful feelings now? i cannot see myself with him any longer, but i'm so used to him and a little apprehensive about being alone now. 10 years is a very long time. i need space, but for how long? when the hate subsides, what's next? i know someone has gone through something like this before?

Answer 1

Have you talked to your partner? Have you talked to a therapist? have you tried to make the relationship work? Please don't give up on an otherwise good relationship if you're just having a rough patch right now. However, if he's cheated on you, done drugs, hurt you or your kids, mentally or physically, get out now!! Run don't walk to the nearest women's shelter and take the kids with you. If he's abusive, he won't change, please save yourself and your kids. So my advice in a nutshell is to decide how fundemental these problems are. Are they temporary or are they a re-occurring issue that needs to be addressed. Good luck to you, however you proceed.

Answer 2

Together for 10 years and with two young children....its going to be difficult to make a decision. Were you physically abused? If so, did it happen all these 10 years or things became bad only recently? You say you have been away for a month now. Are the children with you? How do you feel the separation? If the separation is working out in your favour and you think you have the guts to carry on as a single parent then discuss it with him, move on and plan your life. You may want to forgive him but there's no assurance that things could not go bad again. You cannot have a fool-proof situation. BUT if he is not aggressive by nature and is a person of good emotional balance, then you should reconsider breaking up for the sake of your children. In the long run and when the children are grown up you can expect him to change for the better.

Answer 3

My ex-wife did the same thing to me .25 years of what you thought was a great marriage only to find out the last three were not as great as I thought it was .I gave her respect ,love ,and the words "LET" & "ALLOW" were notin our dictionary. They say you go through a life change , that's bull if you ask me . I worked for many years to give all I had into the relationship. Had to miss time with the kids and her only to find out ....as she put it " IT's My Turn Now for what I want" If your just lying to your husband and just want to see if the grass is greener in your neighbors yard. Think about this . I left and didnt turn around . A year and a half later I found some one who really knew what love was about . Shareing ,working hard for those goals ,being there for each other with good or bad times. But to break up your family to go hore around , It is just selfish and you don't deserve your Husband or Kids . And here is the real kicker . After I found someone else. OMG she wanted me back . She just wanted to see if she still had me in her claws . Guess what , my Daughter's are just great. Both young Adults and doing great. She still has what she had when I left , A selfish Heart , and Kids that know what really went on. In Calif you have to pay spousal support for life for any thing over 10 years or until she remarries. This Gal will never let this meal ticket go away ...Oh she says she wont ever take advantage ,It's been 8 years and I'm still Paying .....The great Part ....I have two Daughters that love their Dad very Much .... Thats worth it to me

Answer 4

Yeah, you need space. You can't live with him anymore, even if it means moving in with a relative. The physical separation will make the break up more real for you both. The "getting over the hatred" part takes time, one day at a time. It sounds like you may be amicable partners for the sake of the children, but for your own sake, if trust, honesty and respect were not given to you, you cannot be together in a deeper sense. Forgiveness takes time, one day at a time. Let yourself grieve. You deserve better.

Answer 5

Well you did marry him for better and for worse til death do you part. But if he's not respecting you, seperate from him until hopefully he sees what he's doing wrong. When he comes back to you, sit him down and have a good long talk with him. Tell him you both go for professional help or you won't go back with him.

There will be moments and periods that you don't want to be with him, true. But ten years is a long time being with him just to throw it all away. But I really recommend being away for a bit, and then going for professional help. If he truely loves you, he will go. And if you truely love him, you will wait for him. It may take a while. But it will be worth it.

But further most, remember Jesus loves you and He will be with you through this if you just ask Him to be with you. Have a nice day!

Answer 6

I was married for 17 years and it happened to me too. Finally I could not stand it any longer so because I could not talk to him with out getting really emotional I sat down and wrote him a very long letter and told him how I felt and I left it for him to read. Oh yes it tore him up and yes it hurt me to see him that way but it would have hurt me more to continue in the marriage the way it was. I divorced him. And after the hate was gone there no feelings at all for him. I will remember you in prayer. I know how this hurts.

Answer 7

Well tell him about what you told us if you dont its going to get harder to tell him that you need your space, try renting a cottage by the beach thats a good spot to let off depression, sometimes you can email or call to talk to, if you get lonely

if you have friends stay with them that will keep you occupied for awhile for the hatred to go away

But i will give you a wise old man saying though i am not old i am 19 but here is the words of my ancestors:

"Sometimes its hard to understand the feelings of others try to think of what it will make tell the truth the light shall guide tell a lie the light will dim the time passes and what you are thinking will share many secret doors to your path of life"

I dont get it but i do understand for what my ancestor told my family we must be true to ourselves and others to live a better life

Answer 8

maybe that's just it you need space. maybe your just burned out. or need to look at your relationship at a different angle. you may be just bored. in a rut so to speak. i'm sure you don't hate him. maybe just be separated for a while take some breathing room and see how you feel in lets say 3 months. no less give it a fair chance but not much more don't need to drive a wedge there if it's not really needed. girl we all have gotten to that point where we have had to back up and regroup but dont burn your bridges too soon you'll regret it

Answer 9

Hi, we really have a lot in common but I have no kids. I also feel not much respect from my husband. Do you want to email me so we can talk? Second marriage for me, 15 years with the first only 4 with this jerk!

Answer 10

your kids are still young, you two separating will affect them drastically. i think you need some space away from him, and if it comes to you really seeing yourself growing older without him in your life then let it be. Only time can tell who your really ment to be with, but in the meanwhile. When you really love something and When god is maybe trying to tell you something. Open your eyes and ears and listen up. Loosen up on things, let things be, and if you can't stop it. It's not ment to be. Good Luck