Should I contact my soon to be ex-husband?

Question

I have been in a verbally abusive relationship with my husband of of 4 years.He was my first love since I was14.I am now 47 years old.I have left him twice over this, and yes, he has gotten better, but I still couldn't take it.I will love him until the day I die,and can't stand being without him.I miss him so much, it's killing me.He contacted me many times trying to reconcile, go to counciling, whatever it takes.I rejected him because we have done this twice and he changed for awhile.He is the greatest person in the world most of time and we have so much in common.Can a person like him really change?Also, he has been on a dating website after giving up on me since 7/27/06, just talking.I know he is going thru hell living in our house alone.Last time he did this, he immediatly dumped women he was talking to when I came home.He has been a faithful husband when we were together.I know this, cuz I checked.Should I call him and try to save my marriage again?I don't want this divorce!

Answer 1

A tiger never changes his stripes so go through the divorce and tell him you would love to just date until he does change ! I married my true love but he couldn't and wouldn't stay true to me, I explained it as best I could but after 24 years we are still friends, that's the only thing that helped me get over him knowing he cheats on his second wife sickens me also because I know he would never change and I feel sorry for her!

Answer 2

You are right, he is going through some kind of h*ll that no one can even imagine that has not been in his shoes. He is living in a nonstop nightmare, trust me.

The dating website has nothing to do with his desire to have another relationship; find another girl, etc. It is all about him being devistated, alone and looking for someone to email or maybe talk to on the phone to fill his empty, hopeless evenings. You know as well as I do that he only wants 1 relationship and that relationship is with you. Of'course he cut off the internet, emails or whatever cause he doesn't want, nor have another relationship.

You have nothing to lose by contacting your husband. However, if you do not, you will regret it forever. You will wonder, what if? Why leave that to chance? You always have the opportunity to divorce him at any time. However, if you divorce him, you probably will not have the opportunity to contact him. Seriously, what do you have to lose? You said it yourself, he is a wonderful man; you will always love him; you know he loves you beyond belief; you have everything in common, etc.

No one, including you and, even, him know if he can change. However, you want to give him that chance; he wants that chance; you all have 33 years between you of ups, downs, love, memories, emotions, etc.; most importantly, you all have love. Where there is love, anything is possible.

No one has the right to tell you what you should or should not do, especially people on this forum, myself included. You gotta do what you think is best.

If you don't take anything else from this forum, take this:

Divorce is final: If you have any doubts, talk to him. You can always get a divorce no matter what. This man is someone you spent 33 years with, why not contact him? What do you have to lose?

Answer 3

I would suggest counseling, just to find out more about yourself and what you really want out of life, make sure that youre not just settling because thats all you've known. Real men don't verbally or physically abuse their spouses girlfriends. Sorry if thats not what you want to hear, I can tell that youre really hurting but are you readyt o be back in the same situation again down the road, it only hurts more . Good luck hon and hang in there whatever you decide.

Answer 4

I just got out of a marriage after 31 years. I am 52. It also was a verbally abusive marriage. I understand what you are going through, but I am not going back, because I deserve respect and I will never get it with him. You have to make your own decisions in life.

Answer 5

Yes, contact him. Do it via a process server with your filing for divorce. Listen. You are no different than most women who have been abused. You identify with your abuser and you justify his actions. You have been conditioned over the past 33 years! Now you are middle aged and frightened about the future. You know your rationale is unreasonable or you wouldn't be asking. No, you may not want this divorce...but you certainly need it!
Visit a women's shelter and ask for counseling.

Answer 6

no move on and cut all ties its the only way he will actually ever really learn maby after you two are divroced and had some time apart then call himj and if you wish go on dates and start over all over again but you need to cut clean first

Answer 7

Woman, you said you want it a million times. Go to your man! Learn not to judge him and love him unconditionally. When you call him, tell him you love him but if he talks to you like he's lost his damn mind, you're gonna cut him. Take the upper hand if he's threatening you. But really, you all need forgiveness and you.... read your own question, chick. Then act accordingly.

Answer 8

"I will love him until the day I die,and can't stand being without him.I miss him so much, it's killing me.; I don't want this divorce!"
You've already answered your own question. Although, let me add, please get counseling. Abuse is a abuse, verbal or physical.

Answer 9

You just don't want to be alone and are used to the old ways. He will tell you anything to get you to come back but he is the same old person.

Answer 10

Everyone yells and calls one another names. Its difficult to find a man that will not be physically abusive. Just do what makes you happy.