What do you do if your wife, supposedly a Christian, refuses to have sex?

Question

She offers no good reason, and I truly can't see what her problem is>>>does she believe she is the Queen of Never Never Land or has she totally lost touch with reality?

I don't talk about intimate details but this whole question has been one our most horrible points of conflict. I will just add that, she has some excuses but don't we all?

One of the worst parts is that she refuses to consider divorce, and the kids have suffered enough so I don't want to multiply the conflicts by pushing for it.

Don't bother saying that I am some kind of monster since I feel, although I may totally deluded and/or crazy, that I have done my best to try to deal honorably with an impossible situation.

Did I mention that I do tend to get stressed out since I have nearly been killed five or six times in the last few weeks?

BTw, since some of you are getting Biblical on me, Paul clearly states that a wife should fulfil her normal duties in a marriage, and I believe in mutual respect. If I had not completely fulfilled my duties as a father and husband then she would have reason to complain.

I hate to keep on adding details but first, she makes much more money than I do, and since I was a world ranked athlete and am in the top 2% or the top 1% in analytical skills, I feel that I am not a boy toy.

Second, it is difficult to deal with third person because we are both expert debaters, and third people just make the debate more violent.

Especially she comes charging down on me with 5 sisters and a brother a few nephews and nieces to back her up. (one of the problems of being an only child whose father has passed and whose mother is in no shape for controversies.)

that should be the top 2% of the top 1% '

over the years, my students generally consider to be a genius but that depends on your definition of genius, and they could be exaggerating.

BTW, maybe it bothers her that I am surfing and playing the drums. I haven't gotten a tatoo yet but that could be a good next step.

bah, I am too tired for this>>obviously I meant to say that my students have generally considered me to be a genius.....now you all will hate me. What Who Brisss!!!

I promise I won't add any more but if you question my skills, then you are really way off track. I am at olympic level condition which means that I outperform 9,999 of 10,000 men.

Oh, well, I just will add that I would love to dance with Sara Evans even though she is married. People can dance without getting carried away can't they?

That last answer is wonderful.. Thanks a lot but the problem is that there have been so many casualties that I have tried to keep the war at least a little under control.

Besides, I have to confess that I am a bit of a monk, and have been able to deal with abstenance as well as anyone could.

I hate the idea of being a martyr but there is the added complication that my life is still under physical danger so that I have to use so much energy just trying to survive that I can't deal with my wife as well as I would like.

(Don't worry >>> I believe in nonviolence but I a quite adept at defending myself. (no kidding intended--this is very serious stuff. I have a number of churches in Brazil and some in PUerto Rico praying for me but that is a different question>)

I have to consider the level of danger that I am putting her and my kids under each time I communicate with them.

Answer 1

I have been where you are at...and it sucks big time...all this counceling stuff..you name it..did no good what so ever...I ended up being cast as some kind of ogre who demanded sex once a month! And, no matter who I have been with in my life, I have been considered an excellent lover. I ended up sitting down and giving an ultimatum: either put out occasionally, or let me find others who will take care of me...and they chose.....find others! I will admit, I had never stepped out, and this attitude was more than a shock...but I took them up on the offer, started getting out, and started enjoying myself...I did not stay out at night, I was descrete, and yes, eventually, I decided that this was not what I wanted in life...I left the scene and found someone who appreciated me on all levels...I am a much happier guy today. I remain friends with my ex, but .... there is only so much a guy can take. You are way beyond that point. What in the world is wrong with you that you tolerate this kind of behavior and lack of caring. IN fact, no matter what she were to do , I would have a problem wanting to have sex with your mate, knowing how she felt. You have grounds for divorce even in the Catholic Church!!! You make a good salary, she makes even more..there will be no financial hardships...what in the world are you doing? LIfe is very short, my friend, and with each day, more of it passes you by...there is no way you can be happy, this has to be taking a huge toll on your self esteem. Cut it loose and get on with it. I have no idea why you bring up her family...they are not part of the picture. I don't care what brought the situation to where it is at, she is unwilling to make any changes, so you make them...Why are you making this so complicated? Good luck

Answer 2

Does she work or does she stay at home? Sometimes you said that she done that for no reason, but think hard! Recently, i watch a show which the man does not give the woman freedom but he told the others that she got angry for no reason! If you are working, why don't you talk to your boss about taking a few days leave to accompany you and your wife to other romantic places and tell the person you trust most to take care of the child? Try to find some thime to accompany her, and when she felt securely, you two may end up in bed together! Hugging!!! Give it a try and good luck!!

Answer 3

I guarantee she has a good reason. Apparently she just doesn't feel comfortable telling you yet. And I'm sure your attitude isn't helping. I guess I will address the "supposedly christian" thing too. I understand the bible says not to "withhold" from each other. However, it also says to love your wife as Christ loved the church. So, if you can stop thinking about your sex drive for long enough to care about her, and what could be bothering her so much that she never wants to have sex, maybe you could be sensitive enough to get to the root of the problem.

Answer 4

No. She can't get aroused. She has lost that attraction to you. It's probably neither one of your fault. It happens. People think it doesn't, but it does. I was raised strict Evangelical, and I stayed with my husband for 13 years because I felt I was supposed to, even though I had my own bedroom and couldn't stand the thought of sex (any thoughts turned me off). Once I left, I got involved with someone I had met through him (and was not at all attracted to before) about 10 years before. I have no problem with intimacy now; I adore my partner and I long for him emotionally and intimately. I was not frigid...I wasn't in love, and I was too scared and ashamed to admit it. You both need to talk openly and without judgement or hurt feelings. It's time to lay everything out on the table and be grown up and honest (she may feel it will get better; I went pastoral and other counselors and it never did...ever). She probably feels horrible about it and is scared, but you both need to be calm and honest. Good luck.
Your stress isn't likely the issue. It's attraction...plain and simple. If you want the answer from a woman who has been there, and who knows what the word Christian probably means to you, then here it is. She won't consider divorce (neither would I) because she feels she is failing. Sometimes you just have to call it even before things get even worse. You can try a Pastoral therapist, but I am not convinced they can help in sexual issues. She has lost that "thing" and feels HORRIBLE telling you that she has. I doubt she'd even admit it if you showed her my response here. I wouldn't have. It took my mother and after I left, the man I fell in love with for me to see it. I feel bad for my ex, but he was not the perfect "Christian" husband either. NO ONE is perfect, and, therefore life itself is not.

Answer 5

Divorce the Drama Queen or offer her money for it ehee but seriously the Lord wouldn't want you to suffer any more so get out and find you a Loving wife! There's more fish in the sea than you could shake a stick at!

Answer 6

Men are like microwaves - women are like ovens. She may need time to warm up a bit. A Christian woman is still a women. Most women need passion with sex. Demanding sex will get you no where. Work on yourself and your performance. No disrespect, but maybe it's you who needs to brush up on your skills. It's funny how often men think of sex, but really don't know much about satisfying a women. That's your job as a Christian man, is it not?

Answer 7

There are many reasons a woman will give up sex.
Men will ask why but they don't really want to know why. The moment a women tries to explain, the fight begins. My husband didn't get it until he laughed at a country western video where the guy complains "It's hard to go bed at night with the one who chewed my a** out all day long."

I had to remind my husband to treat me like he is dating me.

The bible also say that husbands are to summit to their wives.
Summit does not always mean sex.

Answer 8

You are the only one that can answer that, what did you do? Obviously you have some huge problems in your marriage. And what the hec does the christian thing have to do with it. Generally women stop having sex with men because they can't stand them anymore. She has probably tried to tell you whats wrong 1000 times, you probably didn't listen, well you are paying attention now aren't you?

Answer 9

Refusing from one's desire of having sexual intercourse is somewhat easy for a person who has a very deep reason. Your wife might have a reason that you do not know yet. Try to find out what the problem is. Talk to her with an open heart and you'll find out why. I'm also a woman, and the urge doesn't come easily. My husband has to flirt me with his own way for me to be alive. Try it!

Answer 10

well, if you think it's "her" problem, that's a good tip-off, so sex is something for her to give and you to get? Why don't you make the rest of your life this way - because no one would put up with it! She doesn't have to give you a reason, why don't you start being a Christian man, a promisekeeper, and love her like Christ loved the church - I don't think HE was asking the church for sex and wondering why the church doesn't give him a GOOD answer!