Your opinion on giving a child the fathers last name or the mothers-if unwed?

Question

I'm having a hard time deciding to whether or not to give my daughter who will be here anyday her fathers last name or my own. Her Daddy and I plan on getting married but are having problems right now b/c of my family. I'm just afraid that if we don't end up getting married that I will raise a child by my self with a totally different last name than my own. I want to explain this to her father but know he is going to freak out. I figure when we get married it will be alot easier to change her last name to his since he will be on the birth certificate than it would be for me to try to change her name back to mine later on. Need serious opinions plz. Am stressing myself and her out over this, should have thought about it all before I was due to deliver, huh.lol.

If i give her the two last names like you suggested...then when it comes time for school or whatever reason can I just use one of those last names? or change it by then???

Answer 1

I BEG OF YOU!!! Give her YOUR name... you're the one registering her for school in 5 or 6 years. The principal, her teachers, her friends will all call you that man's last name. I made the mistake of giving my daughter her deadbeats last name because at the time we were in love.... little did I know he wasn't gonna marry me (which is the best thing that ever happened, or didn't happen in my life) and now she REFUSES to consider changing her name. Aaaargh. I could go on but PLEASE DO NOT GIVE HER HIS LAST NAME. PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE. You are right to be afraid. It sucks. My new husband even wants her to have our name, but this little girl is so faithful to that jerk. Give her your name please girl. I am so sincerely begging you. Man, if I could turn back the hands of time! Do I make myself clear? Forget about him freaking out. Let him go find the chaplin and a ring if it means that much! Otherwise, do not give her his name. Do NOT. Okay. My fingers are tired but please take it from someone who's been through this. My daugher was born in 1992 and the pain and regret is just overwhelming.... and I don't DO pain and regret. Do the right thing, please Mamma. Please!

Answer 2

Sweety, weather u like it or not, ur going to have to give ur baby the fathers last name. If u guys are having problems, ull fix them. But the baby still has to have the fathers last name. Think about it, its better for the baby to have the dads last name even though u guys had alot of problems.

Answer 3

I feel where you are coming from. I gave my daughter her father's last name for two reasons:
1. I did not want her to have my last name, which is my father's last name..he deserted me when I was little and it seemed inappropriate
2. I wanted her to carry her father's name because she was part of him.

I am pregnant now, and unmarried (different relationship) and trying to work it out with the father. I really would like to give our son his last name..I feel it is important for him to have that connection with his father, especially since he is of mixed nationality. His father has protested this, but hopefully it will work out alright.
Try the chosen name of your daughter with both yours and his last names and see what sounds "right".. Good luck!!

Answer 4

Why not just give her a hyphenated name so she will have both last names. Then you don't have to choose and if for some reason it didn't work out you wouldn't have to worry about the whole completely different name thing. That's what my mom did. Worked out perfectly.

Answer 5

It's all a matter of opinion. Do what you want to do.

If it were up to me, I'd give her my own last name. If you end up marrying the guy and the relationship seems stable, he can always "adopt" her and have her last name changed.

Answer 6

I agree with the double last name, it sounds like a brilliant idea.