My husband, and Igot married almost three years ago. We did not love each other that much when we did get married. We married becasue I was pregnant (which was his decision). We ended up falling in love about a year ago. I found my husband on the computer doing his thing while he was on a web cam with anouther girl. He told me that he wanted to see if he still had it going on. I got scared, and I separated from him. Now, Itold him that I did not care if he looks at porn I just don't want him doing anything with a real person even on-line. He said that he hasnot since that time that I caught him. Well the other day he went onto sexyads.com where you can look at real peoples naked pics, I found out, and I also found out that he did not chat with any of them. What should I do?? I fell like I'm not good enough. I know that I'm attractive, but I'm scared that hes getting bored with me??I'm not fat, and I'm a great wife?? Please help me I'm going crazy!!
2006-08-16 17:21:47 · 32 answers · asked by Nicole 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ok...first of all if u didnt love eachother thats a MAJOR issue...2nd it takes 2 to tango which means u getting pregnant is just as much yr fault as his unless it was rape...3rd porn is real ppl.
u need to get out of this marriage with yr child now b4 this gets out of hand.
listen to yr heart...r u happy with him? is he gonna help u with the child? do u want to have to worry who hes talking/looking/being with all the time?
these ull have to answer for yrself and i wish u luck...dont let one bad love hold u back from finding another...there is someone out there who will love u and show u the respect u want/need. do u think that u have trully found him? or is he still there looking for u?
2006-08-16 17:29:18 · answer #1 · answered by babygurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce isn't the answer. You may find that he is still doing things online, but don't just give up on your marriage. You most defiantly have the right to be upset and to address the issue. Many men have issues with porn, and it actually becomes an addiction. They may want to stop and can't. Maybe you need to talk more with your husband about what's actually going on - If you can do this without getting angry. If this is an addiction, then let him know that he needs to get help, and that you will stand by him as he works through this problem. Him looking at other women isn't a reflexion on you at all, it truly has nothing to do with his lack of desire or lack of interest in you. Please don't take this to heart, and feel like you aren't good enough - men are men, and the world plays on their weaknesses everyday in everyway. Hang in there. Best of luck to ya.
2006-08-16 17:46:16 · answer #2 · answered by Cjs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know what you are going through. Maybe ask him if you can join him (I know this sounds wierd.) Ask him if you can rent a porno together or look at things together on the web. He may enjoy the arousal that it brings but is ashamed so he is hiding it from you. It might also spice up your love life. Guys are really gross and horny, that is just who they are and there isn't a lot we can do to change them. Some are willing to not look at porn, but many who say they don't secretly look at it. I would do this before you decide to leave him, but if there are other things going on other than this then it might be enough to put you over the edge. Sadly, none of us can answer this question for you. It would be easy if everyone can tell us what we should do then we would never regret anything, but it's not like that. If you are miserable, you need to take care of you. But if you love him, and are willing to make it work, then you should try to make it work. I think all women feel similar things like you do. I've never met a man who isn't self-centered and only thinks about themselves (unless it leads to sex.)
2006-08-16 17:34:15 · answer #3 · answered by Serena 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doing his thing on the web cam with another girl is wrong. Glad that has stopped. But it sounds like he has an addiction to porn and might never change. Can you accept that? If you can't and think he'll make contact with another woman then it's time to move on. Or can you be patient for a little longer in hopes that with some encouragement he might stop? Good luck either way you decide to go!
2006-08-16 17:35:51 · answer #4 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there's a trust and self-esteem issue going on here. Why would you marry someone that you aren't truely in love with anyway? Guys will be guys! It's cruel to keep them from porn even if you are married. It has NOTHING to do with you not being good enough. It's just something that they do. They fantasize about sex ALL the time. How do you know that what he's looking at and what he wants to do isn't with you??
2006-08-16 17:29:33 · answer #5 · answered by Mom of One in Wisconsin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh sweetie...I feel bad you are feeling like this. Your insecurities lie within your self. Men look at porn..no problem. It doesn't mean they find you any less attractive. My husband looks at porn too. It doesn't bother me at all. If he would be web camming with a girl..thats a different story. Thats pretty close to cheating in my book. You set your boundaries and he respects that. But just looking at pics...don't sweat it. Be open with him..ask him what he gets from it...try to understand it. Maybe even look at it with him (They love that!)
I feel that it is your own insecurities. You are good enough...you need to realize that. Thats the most important thing. Build your self-esteem up and the rest will follow.
YOU ROCK!!
2006-08-16 17:39:08 · answer #6 · answered by fingerpuppytoe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait a minute here. You told him it's okay to look at porn right? Well, since he's not chatting up a storm with any of these women, consider it a form of "just looking" at porn. If this is still bothering you, you need to sit down with him and tell him so. Then you can decide from there if this relationship will go anywhere or not.
2006-08-16 17:32:21 · answer #7 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
relax and stay with him just cause he looks doesn't mean that he doesn't love you my husband and i look at porn all the time at first i was like no way none of that is comming in here then he brought one in and i was mad then we started talking about the women in these magazines and i found out that all he was looking as where their boobs and kitty cats so then i was wasn't as turned off buy them and now i buy them for him when ever we have a little extra money just don't let your kids find them you are saying that since you got married that you don't ever look at another guy we are all human and have a wondering eye just let him do his thing as long as he promises to no longer talk to them and promises to be in bed with you every night everything will be fine i promise you that relax and you may even want to take a picture or a few pictures of your self naked he will love them a lot more than anything else he just needs something to focus on while jacking off he is human and all men look no matter who they are with good luck don't leave just cause he likes to look at girls on the internet
2006-08-16 17:32:46 · answer #8 · answered by christy b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think in the end it will have to come down to you. Even if nothing is going on you can not live every day wondering if he is doing it or not. Is he cheating or not... If it really is that big of an issue with you then you will have to make the decision on what will make you happy. Or if you can be happy knowing he is online looking. You have a child and the child will know if mom and dad are not happy.
2006-08-16 17:42:13 · answer #9 · answered by Jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have accidently popped onto that site while surfing the net.
Perhaps he went there looking to see pictures of women that aren't disgusting porn stars. You should try giving him a chance, but check up to make sure he isn't lying to you. If you find out he is the you'll just have to end it. You don't want to be in something that won't make you happy or make you feel good about yourself.
2006-08-16 17:28:15 · answer #10 · answered by Donnie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋