Do you feel the older you get you priorities for marriage and wanting to get married changes?

Question

I feel when you are young 18-24 you are marrying basically for love, but I feel once you start to get older you still marry for love however you start thinking about the financial situation, what you can bring to the table, and also what the future holds for you lke retirement, kids, college for your kids, how you can make the marriage work together you know different things. When I was yonger and I am now 28 I was engaged to this guy I was really in love with who continued to do hurtful stuff like take from others, manipulate others, and do whatever he could to get ahead, but he would also overdraw his account all the time for stupid ****, spend money on unimportant things but leave his bills unpaid. When we first got together we were 19 and I never looked at things from that point of view, but once I got a clue and said to him I want more in life and that I wanted to live a honest "work for everything life he started saying I was acting stuck up and that I wanted someone with money

All I wanted to do was work hard, educate myself, and live honestly paying my bills and keeping my credit at a good rating. He cared nothing about those things continued to waste money leave bills unpaid, and he had horrible credit he couldn't get anything I even tried to help him by opening him up a bank account under me and not even a week later he overdrew it over 300 on s h i t like games, pizza and etc, and bills were still left unpaid. He got so angry when I would talk to him about this stuff and he thinks love will conquer all what do you think

Answer 1

It is difficult to deal with someone who does not share the same financial goals as you or the same attitude towards money. As you grow older, finances DO become more important because you have to protect your assets (this is of lesser importance in your early twenties because usually you have nothing or are just starting out.) Tell this guy that you don't necessarily "want a man with money" but you don't want a man "without money who is willing to squander yours". My rule is that any potential man must have an equal or more income and equal or more assets. Otherwise you risk losing part of what you have accummulated and may end up paying spousal support in a divorce situation.

Answer 2

I think you're right on. The older we get, the longer we think on long term stuff. Why? Maturity, experience.

Some people see the problems, and search for something to justify why they don't overcome them. And some try to simply overcome them, and you know what? They do overcome them and become better persons.

I saw this saying in another forum that I really liked:

"The man that says he can, and the man that says he can't, are both right"

What you're wanting is a lifestyle that is healthy, not get-money-fast-loose-it-faster, but to get some financial security. Love won't feed you, nor the kids. Won't buy you a house, pay school, bills, etc.. You need hard work, consistency, a positive balance, and what he appears to give you is the oposite.

If you're seeing that he treats other badly, maybe he treats you fine now, but what about in 5 years when you're settled, and he start feeling other pressures, he will turn on you. That's what I think, although I could be wrong.

Answer 3

Depends on "older" - you think 28 is old to get married - I think it's young - but the more assets you have the more you think the financial part, because now you're putting not just you into the game, but your savings. Once you get into your 30's, you may already have a house, investments, retirement accounts, and may be thinking if you don't get married soon you'll never have kids. In your 40's, the kids thing may fade (because it's a high risk pregnancy), or you might be on your second marriage, where you want to protect your assets for your children, but still share with your spouse. 50's and 60's, now starting into retirement, looking for much more of a companion. 70's and 80's, looking for someone who can find your teeth in a glass!

Answer 4

He's completely immature. GAMES??? He should learn to be more responsible, if not for you,then its FOR HIS OWN SELF!
I'm only 20.. you are wrong when you say priorities changes once you get older. I know what I want ever since I was much younger. I want a stable future, with a stable guy to live life comfortably AND be completely in love with at the same time. I want maturity and someone who'll look out for me the same way (if not more) I'd look out for him. I've found that guy. He thinks about the future. The only thing he splurges on are our dates or things for me or my education or for my own good or OUR own good. He saves the rest of his money (and he earns good money too) for our future because we know we're getting married one day and we'll need it to live comfortably.
You should want to be with a guy who at the very LEAST cares about you and the future ahead together as a couple. You're NOT stuck up. You're smart. And you have the right to want those things. Its your life.
Now, if he can't cater to it, I truly suggest that you tell him that even though you love him, you simply cannot ruin your own life by being with such an immature, selfish man. That you will always love him but if he cannot change for the better, than you do not want to be in this relationship anymore.
I truly understand what you're going through.. I hope things turn out alright.. good luck! :)

Answer 5

Wanting someone with money is not the same thing as wanting security in your life....especially if you are thinking of having kids. If you wanted someone with money why would you work so hard to earn and plan and pay your bills on time? People who want someone for their money hold off on paying their bills until someone lends or gives them the money out of pity or for sex...

By the way you describe it,...HE wanted someone with money because he took yours and misspent it when you were trying to help him out. That's disrespectful to start with....and it's manipulative for him to turn around to you and say that YOU just want a man for his money.

The priorities do change. As you get older it's not just financial security you want....it's emotional security with a partner...and the assurance that you will still laugh together long after your sex drive bites the dust...he he.

Answer 6

you got hooked up with a LOSER
so admit your mistake, learn from it
and dump him
you know he get pissed off
but that's not your concern, nor is it if you feel like he thinks your stuck up... that's a classic leverage move to keep YOU in check from challanging his immaturity and inability of grow up.. now if he had asked you "hun i can't balance my books .. can you help me.. and you din't that be different.. as his intent is what you are looking for.
you correct in looking forwards to the future.. and can be lucky you did not get married young and get pregnant and then hook up with this LOSER..

my main concenr for you is WHY you would even stay..
that reflects poorly on your part in terms of choices.. at evey relationship once past the smitten with love phase... you evetually see the person for what he/she is... and it's at this juncture that you either stay and work ( if it's workable.. and in his case it's NOT ) or move on and learn you lesson. You need to be a better judge of character and pre qualify ( if you will ) the guys...
think of it as you a banker.. and the guy applying for a wife loan.. you will lend him your heart ( ideally ) for life... but certain condtions and a given credit score must be met.. so you look for job stability... and no drug abuse policy.. ect
like any loan officer, you know there are many loan officers .. each tryin to close that one winning deal... but you must be careful not ot be too quick to loan your heart to the first guy who walk up.. fill out the application with out first VERIFYING all that he says is true.. it's here that the "loan" process usally fails women as they allow too much debt forgiveness and thus over look FATAL flaws when considering the loan package...

it's no different if you are buying a house..
emotion gets in the way... and before you know it you in a 30 year
amortized in 20 5 year interest only and then you payments skyrocket.. and then you are really desperate to refinance.. and that's when both money and love get you...

it's not a wrong thing that you want a bettter tomorrow
that's a good thing
the fact that you are willing to WORK for it seperates you from many other gold digging women out their who do not want to work period..
so NEVER let you guy instinct chase you dreams away... and NEVER let a guy crtic you for what you want.. if you find the right guy.. he be supportive
good luck

Answer 7

make the questions shorter and I might even read them before i collect my two points.

Answer 8

Yes they do! It's called maturing.

Answer 9

obviously it changes.