I found out that brother is gay last year. Every since then he has pushed me and my family out of his life. Is this normal? I am the only one out of our family that stands behind him being gay. He still treats me terrible. Am I tring to hard to make me and my brother's relationship better?
2006-08-16 16:41:00 · 19 answers · asked by mooneyd1 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
I know that I shouldn't give up on him at this point, but I am to that point where I want to say "I give up Daniel".
He acts as if his friends are his family.
2006-08-16 17:10:55 · update #1
The pushing you away may be his own guilt issues, not anything that you have done. It sounds like you have tried to be a good sibling. Stand behind your brother, yes, continue to love him, and he will eventually see that you need him in your life. However, you might want to read 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 before you decide to stand behind the act of homosexuality. That would be doing your brother a disservice. Good Luck with the relationship.
2006-08-16 16:54:19 · answer #1 · answered by savannah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may go through a difficult time. A lot of people still don't acknowledge gayness as a perfectly normal state of life. Your brother may have a big problem with himself.
Besides you may also still have a hard time accepting "gayness" (be honest!). And he either thinks that or senes that.
It is very cool and brave that you stand behind him despite most people don't. . Regardless of him being gay. Perhaps you can talk with him in a quiet minute and just ensure him that you are on his side and love him despite the world may turn against him. He may not even understand what you mean.
Don't worry - in a few years, when he got through all of that he will be so grateful that you are his brother. And that you told him that. He will forever know that you are his only real friend.
Give him some time. And speak positive only about him in your family and to you friends and neighbours and so on. Keep him in the most positive spirit for yourself and do not expect any positive feedback from him right now or short term. He needs time.
2006-08-16 16:52:13 · answer #2 · answered by spaceskating_girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get the book, "You Don't Have to be Gay" by Jeff Konrad, and "101 Questions and Answers about Homosexuality" by Mike Haley. You can contact either Exodus International or Focus on the Family. I'm not suggesting these things so that you will think you are supposed to try to "save" your brother. Not at all. It's just that they have often supported people in your position, and may be able to give you very good advice, even if you don't agree with their stance that homosexuality is wrong. They still love homosexuals, despite the way the media portrays these groups. I've heard Mike Haley speak, he used to be a homosexual so he understands it from an inside perspective, and is very helpful. And after reading Jeff Konrad's book... well, only half of it so far, a friend of mine who is homosexual said I was the most understanding person he'd met, and I was only going off of what I'd learned from that book. It's very sympathetic, check it out. Hope that helps.
2006-08-16 16:52:18 · answer #3 · answered by neigeblanc18 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just pray for your brother he might be having some problem with himself that he do not want to discuss with you right now i am glad to hear that you have accepted your brother being gay this is what love is all about accepting a person for what they are i wish you the best and just wait and be there for him if he need you , he will open up to you .And i am sorry that he treat you so terrible this too will pass.
2006-08-16 16:52:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop trying.......let it happen naturally. When you go out of your way to say "Hey I accept you" it is actually saying "I have a problem with this but I want to look like a good person and support you"...I am not a gay person but I do have friends that are and I know it totally annoys them when people make a big deal out of it....it doesn't completely define them as a person and they do like to think and talk about other things than their sex life.
It has become such a normal thing that it should be just accepted. Your parents need to just love and support him. They decided to have a baby many years ago......They knew that there would be times that no matter how they felt they would have to support him. Its kinda like when you 1st grader comes home from school with the ugliest mothers day gift you have ever seen...........but you see it and say thank you and you put it proudly on your dresser........you know its horrible and bad but it is a part of your child......and you love him, so you love it........If they love him they need to accept him and be proud of all of his accomplishments....get past this.
2006-08-16 16:56:38 · answer #5 · answered by ttazevert 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you love your brother a great deal. He needs this more than maybe he realizes right now. Perhaps he feels that if he alienates himself from his family he is protecting himself from rejection from them. Don't stop telling him how you feel and that you accept him, good bad or otherwise.
It must have been hard for him to "come out" to his family and likely expected the worst, he needs some time too.
There may be things about his lifestyle that he is maybe not so proud of and by keeping his family at arms length, he may feel like he is protecting them from embarassment or any number of things.
I have a niece who has finally decided it was time to "come out" to her family, we already knew, but it took alot of courage for her to do that.
I wish you and your brother all the luck in the world. Don't stop pushing your love on him darlin.. one day he will come around and be thankful that you didn't stop trying to show him you care and accept him.
2006-08-16 16:52:51 · answer #6 · answered by llayla11 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has some issues which he hasn't discussed with you. I don't think his pushing you away has anything to do with his sexual preferences. Just ask him why he treats you badly even though you stand up for him against other family members. Maybe he'll open up and let you know about what else is bothering him.
2006-08-16 16:53:14 · answer #7 · answered by laetusatheos 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing to have a better relationship with him is to stop acting like it is a bad thing, even though you may think that way. The why is simple, he is going to consider you as his enemy and you don´t want that. Try to be cool with that situation until you relationship gets better and then try to talk him out of it.
I know it is going to be hard but your weapon is a strong one Love.
2006-08-16 16:48:42 · answer #8 · answered by alex_josue 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He may not be ready to discuss this issue with you, or he may be preoccupied with work and his partner(s) just now. Keep the lines of communication open, let him know you love him and give him room to breathe. Relationship takes two of you; right now he must be focusing elsewhere.
hurts, I know...
hugs from cryllie
2006-08-16 16:47:56 · answer #9 · answered by cryllie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't gay mean happy or light hearted. Why do you need help.
Now if he was a homosexual, now that is a real problem and you would probably need an exorcist or something.
A little humor helps these things.
2006-08-16 16:47:34 · answer #10 · answered by valcus43 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋