Why do I feel that many straight people like to think of gays as "victims"?

Question

For example, I have older straight friends and family members who say "It must be so hard to be gay" or "I support you but it must be so difficult to be a member of a 'community' where the rest of the world hates you". Maybe I live in a bubble but I have not yet experienced discrimination, have never been the victim of a hate crime, etc. My feeling is that people either like me or they don't. Half the time I forget that I am gay. It is so odd to me that straight people think that they know anything about gay life. We certainly don't have a community and being gay is fine by me.

Answer 1

Well. That's because there are those heterosexuals who discriminate, those that sympathize (those that you speak of), and those that advocate for the gay community.

Why do they think of homosexuals as "victims"? Perhaps they see how much they're discriminated against-- what the gay community is fighting against. Their rights--freedom, liberty, and the opportunity to live in pursuit of happiness-- it's all being curtailed. Perhaps that's what heterosexuals that believe "gays" are victims reason.

Currently, the media also depicts homosexuals as victims as well, to aid in the fight for gay rights. When people believe that a certain group of citizens are being harmed, they fight much more vehemently for the cause, such as when the African American community was being discriminated against prior to the Civil Rights Movement. Media filmed and had shown the populace what was happening to them to gain sympathy, and resulted in equality for all races. That may be what is happening in media today-- the only things shown are what the media chooses to depict, which is usually scenes of sadness and grief that attract ratings. Let's face it-- if you watch the news, there isn't much happiness being shown because people take that as the norm. What IS shown is when there are many casualties, or some heinous occurance or other.

But then again... people tend to be judgmental and categorize others before knowing who they truly are. If it's not one form of discrimination, it's another. Without knowing someone from the gay community, those that feel that "gays are victims" are suffering so greatly-- and perhaps they are-- but truly. If they got to know someone that lives the homosexual life-- they'd know it's not so different from our own. We're all just trying to survive in this chaotic world.

Answer 2

All the examples you give are of people trying to be nice, and you're either playing semantics games or just over analyzing. (Like a blind person who takes issue with someone who says, "Can you see my point?") A group of people belong to a "community" by sharing a common characteristic.

For example, I am in the community of cancer survivors. I did not choose to be in this community, and I don't get together with other cancer survivors and have tea. I am in this community by virtue of the experience which I share with all those in the same community.

Back to your well-intentioned friends and family members. They are the very reason that you can say you haven't experienced discrimination or been the victim of a hate crime. Many who have, have experienced these things from those closest to them. Consider yourself blessed and appreciate your friends and family and accept their words of support even if they aren't precisely on the mark.

Answer 3

I commend you for thinking that way. From what I understand from the friends I have the gay community is split. There are the people who see being gay as the central focus in their life and stand up and scream it so everyone knows and then there are the people who see it for what it is - sexuality os one facet out of a million that make a person who they are. It is good that you have never been a victim of a hate crime etc. Maybe it is because of your stance - ("half the time I forget that I am gay"). If you are secure in who you are you dont need to scream it from a mountain top. As for thinking of gays as victims - alot happens to people who dont understand.

Answer 4

It's so nice to finally meet someone who isn't homophobic! Im not gay or lesbian, though. Heterosexuals think of them as victims because they think that gays are taken over by the devil, and they don't know better than to love someone of the same sex. I love gay people! I have lyke 60 gay or lesbian friends, and they make me feel like they are straight! I agree. Hetero's are always thinking that since gays are different, that they have to discriminate just like they to to negroes, just because they aren't exactly like them. I just wish there wouldn't be so much hate in the world, and that people could just accept peoplewho they are. That's the reason for global warming and such drastic changes on the Earth:People are hating so much, they are getting what they did to other people, right back at them!

Answer 5

Well it's just that, the older crowd will never except it and will never understand. It's a new day and age and if you wanna be gay most of the younger age groups or your groups are cool with it. so don't worry about it, just say okay and go on about your day.. There are plenty of us out here that don't prefer to go the route that you have done but we are just fine with what the gays community is doing. Times are a changing so dont worry about it.. Good Luck

Answer 6

I don't think gays suffer any more hate crimes than do any other aspect of society. While I have heard of it happening via the media, I've never really witnessed anybody being victimized for being gay. I'm sure it does occur on occassion, and maybe even more than I know. So, maybe I have my head in the sand, too. Yes, I am straight, but that doesn't mean I'm totally uninformed about "gay life".....I have a number of gay friends both male and female. I've know them for years. I don't think of any of them as victims, and I don't think they see themselves that way, either. We do things together and enjoy each others comany tremednsously. I don't think of any of them as "being gay" and I don't think think they think of me as "being straight"....we are all just friends. Period.

Answer 7

I am like you. I have never had any bad experiences because I am gay. But I know that there may be bad experiences in the future. When I get people that automatically feel bad for me for being gay, I just tell them there is no reason to feel bad because being gay is one of the best things that could have ever happened to me.

Answer 8

I would only think being gay would be hard when your younger, perhaps in high school, and that is only because kids can be so cruel. I believe that you must do what makes you happy in life. If being with the same sex is who you are, then there is nothing wrong with that. Besides, you usually tend to surround yourself with people who understand you and love you for who you are. There is discrimination and there are hate crimes commited in the world, but it can happen to anyone.

Answer 9

Well, you're fortunate, and I hope you stay fortunate. Like other posters, I wasn't always. I was fired twice for being bi, and my wife almost died in a gay-bashing when we were much younger.

And I definitely disagree with the notion that we don't have a community. It's so easy to find or make one, especially with the internet.

I wholeheartedly agree with you though, that some straights do like to feel really liberal and tolerant by thinking of us as victims. I have had people tell me "Oh, you're so brave" because I said I was going out with my girlfriend for lunch! (I handled it once by cooing, "Oh, you're so brave to be so open" back at one of the co-workers who did that to me, when she was talking about going to a movie with her boyfriend.) Sometimes you're not being "brave", damn it. You're trying to tell a funny story or just state facts!

You have to keep treating it as a normal thing, in your voice and attitude. Eventually some people get it.

Answer 10

I guess you do live in a bubble. I have been a victim of a hate crime, more than once. Maybe it's just the area that you live in. I have had my car vandalized 3 times, been beaten 2 times and been raped once, these were all very obvious hat crimes as I was either told or shown in written words that it was because I was a "dyke". I'm glad to hear that you have not had to experience this!!!