Life after divorce?

Question

Eight months ago my husband told me he wanted a divorce; two months ago that he had a girlfriend and it was serious. I was devastated and I still am, but I can begin to see light at the end of the tunnel. We were married for 20 years and have two children, one grown up and one almost. What I'd like to know is: In your experience, how long does it take to get over a divorce? How do you know that you're over it? How do you know when you're ready for a new relationship? I hope you'll share your experiences with me.

Answer 1

A while, doesnt cover it. It takes years. 20 years of marriage constitutes memories of him in your life forevrer. You wont really and truly be able to move on until you let the bitter turn to bittersweet. Your first outing will be the most awkward moment of your life. I put my tail between my legs and ran home like a puppy. You will be sad, and looking for comfort, and this is where you need to be careful and trust your instincts the most. Take my advice and never let yourself get bored. Dont ever think that hitting the bars will make him go away. Grab a bottle of 180 proof, a lawn chair, a radio, and go out in your own back yard if you need to cry or drink his memory away. Bars are good for nothing but one night stands. When i realized that i didnt need anyone, and that i could make it on my own, and that i would be alright alone, God dropped the most wonderful angel into my life. Good Luck to you. Never, and i mean never stop asking God to give you strength.

Answer 2

I stop by your 360 page. You stated you are a Psychologist. Would you by chance trying to collect copy for a book or paper you are working at the same time. You stated you are a writer, too. I AM NOT TRYING TO PUT YOU ON THE DEFENSIVE WITH THE REDIRECTING OF QUERY.
When you can go 3-4 hours a day without thinking about him you'll know your done with it. He will always take your thoughts for some time. YOU ARE ON A JOURNEY. It's probably going to take several years. You might consider taking on a lover to help easy your symptons, and go into this with only idea of fun, no strings attached. I know this type of disconnection has helped me, but I recognize that the hard wiring of a woman's brain is a little more comlex in the arenas of emotions. (thats why men fight wars). When you find yourself staring at a man across the platform at the train station, and you look for him the next day, you will be ready for that next step. I kind of pity you in another way, though, being your professional background, it's going to be tough for you to let your guard down considering you know what bad traits to look for and nobody is perfect. I hope you are not a marriage counciler because my marriage councilor was going through his own marriage problems when me and the Ex was going to him. I can't prove it, by studies have shown statistical fact to give creedence that when that scenario is in place the patients and clients will suffer as well. YOU WILL LOVE AGAIN AND IT WILL BE RETURNED. Grow from this

Answer 3

Hi ma'am,

I really feel your pain. Even though I was with my ex husband for 8 years, I had to leave. The relationship had turned into a battlefield with us arguing all the time so I filed for divorce. We were seperated 10 months, and have been divorced 3 weeks.
Even though I am now divorced, it is hard for me sometimes to remember that. Evn though I am the one who filed, I still get upset over the fact, but I know it was for the best.
It took me a few months to get over the seperation, once I left. I kept my friends very close, and we went out together as freinds. I met a few people and went on a few dates. Its was ok.
However I am still coping with the day to day single life, trying to forget that I dont have to play the role of wife anymore.
My advice is just to take your time. Take it slow and when you are ready you will know. If you have questions of doubt about seeing someone, just dont see them. That simple. OK.
I hope things get better for you, and I wish you the best.

Answer 4

This happened to me 2 1/2 years ago; my husband didn't want a divorce, he just wanted me to let his crank whore girlfriend move in. I was devastated, took our daughter and went to the local domestic violence shelter (long story) got a divorce, and had comletely given up on men when I met the guy I love at an NA meeting. My ex has since married the crank whore, and they are a mess. He doesn't pay CS or visit our daughter. We are both doing well; she's in counseling and we know we are going to be okay. I didn't think I would ever LOOK at another man again, and then Mikal showed up. You'll know it when it happens, just don't look too hard! Pray. Be good to yourself. Hang with your friends. Don't badmouth dad to the kids; if he acts like a jerk, they will be well aware of it. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

In my mind, my divorce was final before it become legally final. I was more than ready to be out of that marriage. I was determined to rebuild my life by myself, a life that is calm, quiet and serene and that's exactly what I did. As for a new relationship, I recently started seeing someone after being by myself for over 2 years. It hasn't reached any levels of seriousness, we're going real slow and easy. Time will tell what will happen and no matter what happens, it's knowing that I can take care of myself.

Answer 6

Take your time --it took me over two years to start moving forward. When I started finding guys interesting again --then I knew it was time to move on! Don't --I repeat--DONT jump into a relationship just to validate you are a woman and still have it!!! I did that too at first and I hurt the other person because I wasnt ready for a commitment! Hope this helps!

Answer 7

Take your time...you'll know when your ready to go out there and tackle the world. Use this time to discover the new you and who you want to be. Think of things you want to do and accomplish that you never had the freedom to do before. Have a plan. Every recovers at a different pace. Sorry about your situation and good luck.

Answer 8

There is life after divorce, and because you took the marriage seriously, it is normal for you not to go and bang someone else. Why? because you were once connected. It will take a while for you to heal. Ex: Whenever you fall and hurt your knee, it will bleed and be painful, but it will not heal in 5 minutes or one day. So you have to cover it with meds and bandages.

SAME with this situation, you have to find a haven or something inspirational and spiritual to cover this wound to the heart. In time, you will HEAL.

Answer 9

20 yrs 2 kids is a long time but you will get by once this is over if you could give yourself a new look new clothes treat yourself to a spa day pamper yourself your going to be lonely and may even cry and think about what if and i should of that and all the good and bad times but once that is over keep yourself occupied with work or the child at home hang out with friends family take up a hobby keep yourself active so that you wont have to think about him i would give you at least 6months before you look into another relationship you need me time to focus on you mentally spiritually emotionally once you connect with yourself again then look into dating good luck

Answer 10

it's hard to just release that amount of love you have for someone you been attached to for so long but in respect to you u are getting older not younger so what I suggest you do is go out have fun spend your time living for fun not living for a past love because regrets come to those who think the grass is green on the other side when it's really the same tune. Good Luck and be strong.