My newlywed husband had a history of a gambling problem. We've been together for 6 years total. Hes been working at a casino for 6 years too. My electric went out & all the bills i found hidden (and yellow-past due) under the couch. hes been keeping them from me. I give him $1000 a month in bills. if he hasnt been paying all of our bills, hes been gambling. I confronted him about it & hes like,"There must have been some mistake." Obviously, hes lieing. He wont admit it. i cant get him to admit it no matter WHAT I say. He says hes gonna give me all his $ now so i can take over the bills. The bills were always a little past due, but never has been shut off. (electric,cable,phone..) I payed them all. Ive been trying 2 get him 2 apply @ other jobs, but says he wont make the money he does now. What should i do?Should i leave knowing he'll always have this problem? We have no kids & no mortgage. This is my 2nd marriage to a loser (I was 18 & it was for 6 months) im only 25! Man, Im so mad!
2006-08-16 16:14:44 · 19 answers · asked by Baby Jack born 4/5/09 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have this strange feeling of deja vu.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ao9I8rlPPrtYRRsW.Y38627sy6IX?qid=20060816125022AAWqJHM
2006-08-16 16:22:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm married to a man with a gambeling problem. His mother and him owns an art gallery and his addiction got so bad that he stole money from the store to pay for this. I married him after that happened. His mother had to tell me this lil secret. My husband dosnt work at a casino but he has wanted to for some time so I cant help much. Basically Id agree with you receiving his pay checks and paying the bills yourself. I do, because my husband has a hard time giving the bills to me. He forgets about em i suppose. I restrict him from going to the casino except for twice a month and when he goes I take all credit and debit cards from him. I give him a certain amount of cash he is aloud to spend. And I give him a time frame. If he isnt home at that time he dosnt go out again for a while. Now with your hubby its different. I believe he has an addiction but he isnt gambeling at the casino he works, I believe their restricted... right? I do believe he dosnt want another job. and if you ask him to get another job he will put fourth 20% of the effort needed. I don't believe drvorce is necessary unless this situation gets more out-of-control. Everyone suggests counceling, I agree to that My husband and I go once a month. It really helps. If your hubby cares he will put fourth the effort. Good luck to ya. be stong.
Kristen
2006-08-16 16:34:11 · answer #2 · answered by leaves_of_autumn171311 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to your husband. I lost all my funds to the casino's also. Then one night after dropping about $800 I asked how to get myself banned from the casino. I was taken into an office and filled in the paperwork to have myself self-excluded from any gaming casino's in Ontario. I live in Canada but imagine that this can be done anywhere. Communication is the key to any successful marriage so try and talk with him regarding his problem. If he continues to deny he is gaming away your hard earned cash tell him that your instincts are telling you he is not being 100% with you, don't call him a liar as will only make matters worse. Hopefully he will have some type of remorse and fess up to you or at least to himself that his gambling is becoming problematic again. You can also speak with either your doctor and tell him of your concerns and/or suggest that you and your husband attend couples counselling. I don't know if there are any chapters of Gambler's Anonymous in your area but if there is then maybe you can try and convince your husband to take a look at this self-help program for problem gamblers. Best of luck to you, sometimes gamblers don't know if they love the thrill of gaming or their families more.
2006-08-16 16:27:42 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I fell really bad for you. The best thing to do at this point is to confront your husband and really make him talk to you. If you think that you two can work this out, then i would suggest that you get him some counseling for gambling and also that you two go to marriage counseling.
Also you may want to cut his ties to you bank accounts if possible. My aunt was married to a guy like your husband, he had them in such financial debt that when they divorced she still had to figure out a way to pay for some of it.
If ou love this man try and find out why he is lying to you and why he feels compelled to gamble? I wish you all the luck and don't get on your self for marrying him, you loved him and if that was the reason why you married him, then you have nothing to be ashamed about.Good Luck and God Bless!
2006-08-16 16:54:08 · answer #4 · answered by sparkling_apple 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An addiction is an addiction. Gambling, drugs, alcohol....it's going to require a choice from you. Either accept that he is a liar and a gambler and needs a 12 step program, know that you will be miserable and always distrust him...or get out while the problems are at a minimum. Be thankful you aren't pregnant, have kids, have a mortgage and you have your youth. You need to report him to his employer and have them put him into a program for gamblers. You have to get yourself out and into a responsible relationship. You have given him your trust, body, money and love. He didn't respond with anything positive. It's time to move on. Good Luck
2006-08-16 16:37:34 · answer #5 · answered by marks3kids 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its time to confront him directly and get him help. If he truely is an adicted gambler it will start with using the bill money, then move to selling things in hte home etc. Chances are in the past the bills were late, he had a win streak and could then pay the bills up. But its a serious problem and will only lead to worse things if you do not confront him and get help immediately.
2006-08-16 16:21:58 · answer #6 · answered by legguy2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dump him
there is no shame in leaving a loser
there is plenty in staying and watching you going down with him
but more troubling is WHY you choose badly the 2nd time around
do you feel in a rush to get married as you mentioned your age..
and what are you, a party girl who gets married and then wonders why it goes bad?
if you married at 18 it was destined to fail.. no one should EVEr get married at 18 unless extremely religious on both parties, the high rate of divorces ( 85% ) means most have no concept, s othe 1st bomb of a marrage you can be forgiven, you simply did not know enough, your 2nd was bad error in judgement and your fault.. at one point you KNEW he was bad for you yet you went and ignore all the bad points anyways ( mosrt desperate women do ).. and then later wonder WHY it failed.. he is a loser.. he will not change.. he like who he is... giving moeny only further enables his loser lifestyle and in effect you gave your stamp of approval for it.. so it's really your fault.
2006-08-16 17:24:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that you are having this problem. Gmbling like any other addiction can harm marriages. I would suggest that you tell your husband that you are tired of living like this and want to move. Move to an area where there is no gambling. That would be best for him as well as yourself.
2006-08-16 16:27:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone learns from there mistakes i am 25 and the same thing happened divroced twice,i guess we atke the paths we are granted and for a reason we learn from ouir mistakes,i have been single for a while now and have learnt many things about my self and am happy in life,i often refuse dates because i dont want no complications but from both marriages i have learnt everything exactly i want in a man and wont settle for anything less and you dont have to settle for anything less because we all chosose who we want to spend our lives with loose your husbund move on and start fresh get your self on your two feet do things you like and when you meet your true soal mate you will know
2006-08-16 16:43:24 · answer #9 · answered by treatau 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok if you love him you should get him help when you marry someone it is for better or worse and you should countinue to take his money and pay the bills so at lest you know they are paid ...... also my uncle used to have a drinking problem and my aunt got him help they have now been together 25 years
2006-08-16 16:25:35 · answer #10 · answered by juju113069 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you have found loser #2 you will never find the happiness you deserve in this person, in looking for #3 try this don't look let him find you and let him show you the way your life will be if you are to stay with him, find out if he is willing to compromise with you? then make a decision to marry or not?
2006-08-16 20:50:47 · answer #11 · answered by knowitall4now 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋