Why is my marriage not working?

Question

This is very difficult because, of course there are two sides to the token. However it seems that no matter how hard I try, nothing is right in my marriage. Everytime I do something my wife does not like (i.e. cook before she cleans up, watch TV, change the baby's diaper) she gets mad and upset. She calls her mother and repeatedly tells me how horrible I am as a man. I try my best. When I DO clean it is never clean the way she would have done it. The nice and romantic things I do for her go out of the window when she goes on these tantrums....what should I do? Does marriage counseling work? We have one child together and another on the way. I am taking as much as I can, but I am to the point where I am not happy, but will put up with it for my kids...

Answer 1

If you intend to put up with it for the sake of the kids, then the fact you are even here asking the question is pointless. I think that would be a mistake. I don't honestly think counseling will work, because to me counseling is for couples whom really want to stay together, but just don't know how to communicate their needs or discomforts with one another, or just don't understand what makes the other partner tick. In this scenario, counseling works....your situation seems, however, to stem from a lack of respect and admiration that your wife apparently has for you. You see, before my wife and I got married, we went to pre-marital counseling, and the gentleman there explained that marriages that last - last because both persons can see something in the other that he/she admires. And note I didn't say love...I said admired, which is a completely different concept. I don't publicly 'dog' my wife, and neither does she, because we both admire and respect one another, on top of being in love with one another.

Sincerely, your relationship with your wife lacks any suggestion of admiration and respect, and thus I can't really see from there where the relationship could improve. Counseling is not going to make her respect you more as a man, or appreciate you more when she lacks basic admiration for you. And understand, I may be wrong...but I've also failed too, as I'm sure you have prior to this relationship...and the patterns are usually the same. Moving on is a scary thing, but your kids also need to see you happy. Staying in a miserable marriage will only give your kids reason to be pessimistic about their future relationships, or worse, one of your kids may stay in an abusive relationship because that was the example you set in yours...stay at all costs! That's an even scarier proposition....but ultimately whatever you do, find a way to be at peace with your decision. Good luck friend and God bless!

Answer 2

When your wife is not having a "tantrum," I'd recommend you two get a baby sitter, take a walk, and explain to her how much you miss how things used to be when you got together (all the fun, etc) and how lately you feel as if you can't do anything right. I'd reassure her that you love her and want to continue to be a family, but are wondering what kind of environment and example your relationship is for your child....I would recommend counseling and if your wife doesn't want to go, set up an appointment, tell her you are going and would like her to go with you....How about talking to mother-in-law to see if she can offer any help (or this may be a road you want to steer clear of)....your heart sounds like it is in the right place and your wife sounds lucky to have a husband that wants to help out.....or, next time she has a "tantrum," try a new reaction....be silent, walk into the other room, tell her she is hurting your feelings.....good luck!

Answer 3

You are saying she is pregnant, right? Well, I don't know how she was before she was pregnant, but I can tell you, I worked with a woman who was pregnant, and she was the b... from hell.
She used to talk to her husband so awfully, and he took it like a slapped dog. As soon as the baby was born she was back to her sweet self. If she has just changed, let her be, however if she was like that before she got pregnant, I would suggest to go for counselling. You need to talk about this Mama calling, that's just not right. And if it still doesn't change even after counselling, you will have to make a choice. Staying together for the sake of the children is not a reason. Children need to grow up in a happy environment.
I hope everything can be saved and turn out for the best. Good Luck.

Answer 4

It sounds like she is under alot of stress and could use a break as im sure you also but her being unhappy is the one making you unhappy. Before taking this to marriage counceling.. Have a talk with her and tell her exactly how you feel and while in the process make a weekend or week trip for the both of you and drop the kids off at the mother in law''s. My husband does the same thing to me. However it's not to the point of calling it quits.. However maybe i should do this for him as well.. She is stressed out.. And even possibly has a homone imbalance. But that is not something you can bring up with her without her getiing pissed off of course. Good Luck, And i know how it feels. Just make sure you are telling her how she is making you feel. I usually hold it in as much as i can until he just hit's the spot and i don't yell at him but i lay it all out for him and he deffinately understands after that point. He still continues to do it.. and as long as he realizes that he is doing things wrong then i wont give up.. However, if you are done with this marriage than be done.. Don't stay together for the kids, they will be much better off if you are happy..

Answer 5

Marriage Counseling is the best idea. I admire you so much for dealing with a bad marriage because of your kids and the fact that you are trying so hard for this marriage to workout. Many men are so selfish and stupid and divorce their wives and forget about their children. Your such a good person! Divorce is the worst thing in the whole world. Try marriage counseling and keep trying to make the marriage because if you work hard at something in the end everything will be ok. and keep praying everyday and ask god to help you out with your marriage.

Answer 6

I think that you should try marriage counseling. I think also her being pregnant has something to do with it, when women are pregnant their emotions are CRAZY, but that still doesn't give her a reason to belittle you as a man. Try helping her out more and if she throws a tantrum ask her "what she it that I am not doing that you want me to do, I love you and we are in this together and I want to make your life easier." Also I don't agree with her telling her mother your family business that a BIG NO NO. Her mother has too much power over her and if she doesn't stop it going to interfere with your relationship, I would say something to her about that. Remind her that your business is your business and you married her not her mother.

Answer 7

Woa....child on the way? Honey, she's hormonal. At this point in time, there is nothing you can do or say...just hold on for the ride. You are kinda damned if you do and damned if you don't right now....try not to take it personally. And if you think she wasn't this way with the first child, consider the fact that you have one child still in diapers, which means that these pregnancies weren't too far apart. Her body never had the full three years it takes to get back to normal. That's adding to your crisis. You can either talk to her about it, or suggest she talk to her doctor, or you can wait it out. It's your life, I can only give you a heads up.

Answer 8

first is she always like this or is it the pregnacy throwing things off so bad. do each of you get private time out of the house with friends without the child and spouse. both of you need to take turns going out with friends while the other stays home. that helps calms any adults nerves. Have you asked her why what you did upset her i know oviose but not everyone asks they just get mad and blow off the situation. If she will go to counseling go so that you can save the heart ache you are going threough and find out if this is a salvageable relationship. ( and no being pregnate is not a good reason to be a witch i have 2 kids)

Answer 9

married counseling does work sometimes. you should try to talk to your wife and get some counseling.
it sounds like you've tried your best and you love her. that's a good thing. it seems like she's not satisfied of what you've done for her. you got to tell her how u feel and how hard u try. is she pregnant now? pregnant woman needs more care and attention than ever! when pregnant, woman's hormone level changes and tend to throw tantrums easily even over some pointless stuff.
your marriage isn't that bad.
understand her more cos she maybe too tired and stressful. in a mean while, u seek for her understanding too.
just be honest and tell u how u feel.
good luck!

Answer 10

Have you had a serious talk with your wife about the way you feel? The way she treats you ? If you have talked to her about this issue many times before and she still is treating you the same way, Then Hun , get out of the relationship it's not worth it , why are you going to be unhappy , remember your children will see eventually in time a unhappy house hold.