should i leave or keep trying??? plz no stupid answers?

Question

i only married my husband 3 months ago and since then his changed so much. i pick him up and drop him off at work. now when i pick him up he walks in the door and goes to bed saying his tired and only comes out if his friends a here or to eat, or gets out of bed once the kids a all tucked in for the night. he also is very protective of his phone(his been busted with another girl before by not deleteing messages in his phone) he wont help around the house any more or anything. im always exausted from getting up around 5 to take him to work and dont get to bed till midnight from finishing cleaning around the house etc, and then get up during the night to our baby son. ive tried talking to him but he shuts down. im at the point just looking at him puts me in a bad mood im starting to rezent him. i dont know what to do anymore.

for those people with questions. i drive him because i brought him a car and he wrecked it, so i wont give him mine i need it for kids. we have 3 kids only my son is his. the wedding was planned for 2yrs he was the one who pushed to have it when we did i wanted to wait till more money. and even though his the worker i pay for almost everything his pay seems to disappear unless i take control of it.

Answer 1

damn i wish you would do all of that for me!!! and i'd treat you like your supposed to be treated like a lady

Answer 2

Depends on what you are trying for. Three months is an awfully short time for things to fall apart so badly. My first reaction was that he's in a depression, but then after reading about the phone thing and being busted, I'm not so sure. He could very well have someone on the side and is a little pist off because he has no way to see her with you driving him back and forth to work. Why is that by the way? It's an odd situation. I'd also like to know what the marriage was like. Did you plan it out, have the big to-do, or was this a shotgun wedding because of the infant son you mentioned? Marriage done by guilt, also makes sense in this situation regarding his actions. Honey, you have a lot of issues going on here. I'll admit communication is probably the biggest one, but I think this all started before the wedding and you failed to read the clues. There is also another possibility of you doing it all, controlling it all and he feels as though he doesn't matter in the relationship. If that is the case, that explains why he shuts down. What would be the point of him talking when you are just going to tell him how he feels or should feel anyway? It also adds to the resentment you feel towards him for not responding to you the way a husband should to a wife.

I know these weren't the answers you were looking for, but this is your situation and if I didn't lay out all the possibilities, chances are, you might not have thought about it. I do know that you can't expect immediate change from this situation, there is alot going on here, but if you take baby steps and set a goal, it'll be easier to reach the results you want. The key is to find out what is broken, fix it and go from there.

Answer 3

If you are a christian keeping praying for the Lord's intervention. I don't really think leaving him is the best answer because you have a son together and I sure know that you want your son to grow up with his father around. Probably your husband was not ready to get married when he did. It still sounds like he has someone other than you on the side. but as time goes on if he doesn't change his secret life I think you need to leave you are not what that.

Answer 4

Sorry to learn that your marriage is not working out. Of course I don't have all the details, but from what you wrote, I think your husband is hiding something. He is obviously taking advantage of you. Is there a reason why you have to drive him to work. He can't drive himself? Did he help out before you were married. Maybe know he thinks that since you are married, he doesn't feel the need to be there and do his part since you do it for him. Leave him some chores to do. Be more independant and see what happens. Show him that you could very well take care of yourself without him. If that doesn't shake him up, You'll have to think of what's best for you and your kids. Stick up for yourself. He should treat you better.

Answer 5

I hate to tell ya but it doesn't look good. I have been married for 17 years( i am currently seeking a divorce for the same reasons you are talking about now.) and our relationship started the exact same way. He was great at first but shortly after the kids came he became totally unavailable. I kept putting up with it and fixing all the problems myself. As it turns out he was never held accountable for his actions by me or anyone else. Don't make it too easy for him. Hes gonna have to pay for that baby one way or the other but theres no reason you have to be a door mat to him. Good luck.

Answer 6

I was loosing my damn mind, too at 3 months. Now its only been a year and 3 months and things have DRASTICALLY improved. So if I were you, I would email this message and these answers to myself and keep checking in to see if things improve. Give it time. Prayer changes things. Talk to him even if you feel like you are talking to a wall. He can never say you didn't warn him if it becomes a worse case scenario honey. Don't think about his phone. Those cellphones are like tools from the damn devil and a blessing at the same time. You need to adjust and energize yourself. Accept your role and both yours and his mood and feelings about it will improve. Trust me, like I said I am a fairly newlywed too. The devil (satan) wants you to quit trying and leave. The LORD and me, we both want you to stick it out... and tell your man what you want baby. Try to love him through this bullcrap he's putting you through. He's tired. No one but him and God know what else is up so talk to both of them and remain strong and faithful, girl. Marriage is a gift.
Blessings, peace and abundant grace to you.

Answer 7

deeper issues there. if ur taking him to and from work that is a problem, we take our "children" to and from school. my own experience, cell phones need to go, they cause to much trouble if they are not a shared phone between the two of you. helping around the house and napping after work, not acceptable, i work 50-60 hours a week all hours, but i make an effort to take time to spend with the kids, whether baths, bed, dinner, or just talking and playing. it's time for u to give him options. as much as i would hate for that to happen for me, i make an effort so that my wife has no reason to use options. a guy needs, and has an obligation to take part, it's ultimatly not an option.

Answer 8

Sweetheart, I am sorry you are going trough this. I understand you pain as I read this I had flashback of my marriage. Love isn't supposed to hurt like this, it took me months to figure this out. Do what you need to for yourself and your son. You already know what you need to do. My ex and i split up on New Years Eve day 2000, our son was 4 months old. Its been a long hard road, but I have proven to myself and my son the world will never bring me down... You will need help, and when you do ask for it. I know you can survive this and be a better person from it!!! Good Luck

Answer 9

You have answered your own question dear. Look on the internet for signs of a cheating spouse. It would appear to have all of your husbands symptoms. Now you have a choice, be a victim or take your life back....without him. Do it now before you invest anymore time with him and then it becomes even more difficult to leave.

Answer 10

What on Gods green earth is there to try for? This is a lousy relationship. He treats you like a slave, you have children, he can't be bothered to help around the house, he's a liar, and he's a useless sack of shi*. Does he expect you to wipe his *ss too? Separate and file for divorce. He's a lazy, selfish, using, creep who you are better off without. Good luck.

Answer 11

Your are both newly married and new parents. Sounds like a lot of stress for both of you. It will take some time to adjust to these changes in your life. Don't make any decisions now that you may regret later. You saw enough in him that you like/loved to marry him and have a child with him. This difficult time requires patient on your part and his part. Hang in there and things will settle down over time.