They seem to think that I am not good enough, and try to make me look bad infront of the rest of the family. They try to say that I can't clean, cook, or anything. I only just graduated high school, and they don't think that I will do anything in life. I am going to college next year, so I am going to do something with my life, and they know this. I am engaged to their son, and they act like I am not good enough for him, and that he will carry me through life. They always say smart little comments like "omg, you are actually graduating high school....I cant believe it!" They mostly critisize me during family get togethers, and it is kinda embarrising, because my future husband doesn't take up for me. He just sits there and does nothing. He is scared to because he is afraid of getting kicked out of the house that we both live in with them. What should I do? Should I break my future husband's heart, or should I just stick it out? B/c I dont know if I can take it anymore with his parents!
2006-08-16 14:05:47 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You are way too young to get married! Finish college first before you make this mistake! You need to take care of your life before your ME becomes WE.
2006-08-16 14:11:08 · answer #1 · answered by Hot Pants 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact that your fiancee tolerates your future in-laws verbal abuse of you shows that he would also find it tolerable in marriage.
Unfortunately, unless you live far, far away, when you get married, you are also marrying your in-laws, so-to-speak.
Your living with them compounds your problem enormously, because it is right in your face every day and you are like being held a prisoner.
You want a man that will stick with you thick and thin, and this includes his refusing to tolerate others abuse of you.
Aparently your fiancee is more concerned about financial security he gains from his parents than being concerned about your hurt feelings.
I would not marry a man that was financially, emotionally or physically dependent on his parents. Period.
I suggest you seek a man that would treat you very well and love you like a rock and never crumble despite whatever situation you would go through together.
You want a man with a backbone, that has courage, and will protect you. He is doing none of this.
Verbal abuse is highly destructive and can damage one's self-esteem self-image, self-confidence and do much other damage.
Choose to never tolerate abuse in any form, and to refrain completely from it yourself. This includes put-downs, sarcasm and other destructive forms of communication.
Choose the motto "If you can't say anything nice, say nothing.", rather than making negative comments that are personally directed at someone.
I am sure you have many talents and capabilities and have a great future to look forward to without having a man that is weak-willed and a pushover who lets his parents do whatever they want around you.
Go for your college education, and don't stop until you get your masters degree--or a doctorate.
Then you will have the last laugh. You will find a partner in marriage that matches your intelligence and you will know in your heart that you were faithful to yourself, that you believed in yourself, and that you refused to allow others tear down your dreams.
2006-08-16 21:17:52 · answer #2 · answered by Ivy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Princess, I hope this is going to be a long engagement because your future husband (are you sure?) needs to grow up a lot more before you even think about getting married. Focus on college and getting away from these people. You sure don't need to be put down all the time. It is his responsibility to protect you from his family, yet he sits there and does nothing. You have to ask yourself: what kind of husband will he make?
2006-08-16 21:14:27 · answer #3 · answered by Bethany 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that...the only way you will ever get through it is that you let them know you will not put up with their crap no more. You need to openly at one of these gatherings come out and emabrass them by asking them what it is thet dont like about you..It would take a lot of guts and if they are gutsy they will try and answer you, when they do then you politely continue to tell them what you think of them and see their reactions...They are going to be so shocked you even opened your mouth, they are not going to beleive you had the guts to do such a thing, and they will start to see you in a different light....They will soon realise that you are not to reckon with and that you are wise enough to know better....
One very important thing to remember, your fiancy has to back you up on this 100% and tell his parents to back off you or else...
Dont be scared they wont chuck you out, because they will miss their son too much, they will learn to accept you and in future respect you for what you done...
It worked for me, i was like you, young, inocent, too afraid to speak my mind....Well no more and when I speak everyone now listens to what I have to say...You have to earn their respect.
Good luck.
2006-08-16 21:21:15 · answer #4 · answered by Spellbinder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't stick up for you now , what makes you think he will change. I think you are to young to be stuck in a situation like this, Why don't you give it some time and get your schooling. Then you can show them that you are really somebody. they will regret that they hurt their son if he truely loves you. I think you both need to mature a bit. I wouldn't put up with it. Do you have parents that you could stay with that won't degrade you like they do. Just try dateing til you are more mature and see what happens from there.Good luck to you.
2006-08-16 21:27:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you just need to think stuff you all because you are worthwhile and obviously your fiance thinks so too otherwise you wouldn't be engaged.
I suggest you try not to listen and take in what's been said because YOU know it's not true.
I would maybe sit down with your fiance and talk to him about it and for him to stand up for you more because there is nothing worse than when the person you love doesn't stand up for you.
It happened with me and I had a go at my parents for doing that to my partner and it has all stopped.
It is your fiance's choice who he loves not his parents.
2006-08-16 21:20:08 · answer #6 · answered by brooksta3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds familiar!!! It doesn't get any better after marriage unless the guy gets some guts about himself and begins to stick up for ya. If you stay with him---- MOVE far, far away from your inlaws. Remember, blood is always thicker than water! Watch what you say about them --that is his family!
2006-08-16 21:13:36 · answer #7 · answered by jiffypop88 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said it yourself, you guys live with them! Once you don't live with them anymore you can prove them wrong. For the moment you just have to ignore them, and sit it out. BTW, no parent thinks than anyone is good enough for their kids, basically 95% of the world population have In-Laws from hell!!
2006-08-16 21:11:54 · answer #8 · answered by Lily 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a guy. If he doesn't care enough about you to stick up to him Mommy, then he won't do it for a stranger neither!! Get a real man girlfriend or else you WILL regret it later in life with him.
2006-08-16 21:12:17 · answer #9 · answered by Kyra B. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run girl while you can because it doesn't get any better once you are married and if he is a momma's boy that isn't gonna change after you are married, trust me. I have lots of experience with this. You will be miserable unless he grows some cahones and stands up for you....
2006-08-16 21:11:22 · answer #10 · answered by Cute But Evil 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋