This may be a shallow question but...?

Question

Are there any/or many guys out there who don't find the woman/or man they love attractive? (girls feel free to answer this also if you feel like you can relate to the question)

Recently my boyfriend of almost a year told me he doesn't find me attractive. (He's always told me I was beautiful until recently when we had an argument about things the other doesn't know. And no I don't believe he said that to get back at me in any way.) But he said I am the most beautiful person on the inside he's ever met and never been happier. So why do I feel so insulted and weird when we kiss, etc? I do know the inside is what counts.

My looks didn't bother me so much when he told me he thinks I'm beautiful but now that I know HE doesn't...I'm really down about this.... Anyone who can answer maturely, please respond...

Answer 1

Your right it is a shallow question.

Answer 2

You cannot love someone and not find them attractive.

Love is all about attraction. Two people are attracted to each other. You can rationally understand that your mate is not a supermodel, but you have to feel drawn to them and that you would not change them even if you could.

I think the argument you had was not resolved properly. Something was left unsettled. When an argument is resolved properly, then the two people love each other more than ever. He would never say that he found you unattractive.

However, I don't know what you have been telling him, hmmmm? Perhaps you are saying things like "You're not as smart as I thought you were when I first met you." You'll have to carefully examine your own behavior first.

But there is no way that anyone who loves someone will tell that someone that they are ugly or imply it indirectly.

Answer 3

I have been married to a guy for 14 years and he feels about me as you describe....It kills you inside knowing that he is not physically attracted to you, he is only with you for your personality..The thing that i believe is that physical attraction is such a major role in any relationship. I know that in our marriage it is the reason we are falling apart....not being attracted to you physically causes insecurities, bad sex life and many other problems...You really need to sit down and talk with your man, talk openly about how this makes you feel and see if you can somehow work through it, because believe me you dont want to go ahead get married, have children and then decide i cant do this no more...Because thats exactly whats going to happen it will always be at the back of your head and it will eat away at you all the time....
As for me well I have kids and I am traped in a loveless marriagem, a marriage of convinience as i call it and the only reason i stay is for the love of my kids....It kills me inside that he doesnt find me attractive but so many other man do...

Answer 4

The only reason I can think him saying this is to hurt you for when one loves someone that person is attractive,desirable. Have you told him how you now feel-for by him saying that its affcted your self esteem and self worth-why you now feel weird when you make out-the feeling weird is you now feel self conscious about your looks. We all can't be like angelina jolie. Since he thinks you're so beautiful on the inside he should have been more considerate of your internal feelings and not used a cheap shot to demean you. Self doubt can be very damaging and are you sure you need someone that treats your inner beauty(feelings) so callously. Because he said this to you the innocence of your relationship,the security you felt in this relationship has been jeopardized and the relationship itself will never be the same. Because he demeaned you to himself by aking away your self assurance concerning your appearance(a large part of ourselves is how we look and you need to like yourself for we are as we are and wae all have to learn to feel comfortable in our own skin) he has put you at a disadvantage. Talk to him-get him to tell you why he changed. You should never allow anyone to make you feel that you are less or attack your self esteem in any way. Perhaps you both can have some counseling. If this is a one-time thing and he's 100% in everything else then hopefully this will resolve but if he's lacking in other areas then please rethink your relationship-perhaps you need someone that thinks you're beautiful all the time and won't use words to hurt you. Wish you a happy life-BE BEAUTIFUL For Yourself.

Answer 5

No question about something that has touched you so profoundly can be said to be shallow.

I guess most of us feel un-beautiful in secret; how could we not, with so many Photo-Shopped pictures of nearly naked goddesses everywhere we turn?

If you still want to keep him, then do so, but with the complete belief that how perfect your bosom is or how flawless your legs are is immaterial. It's true, you know.

But, I want to give you a virtual cup of tea and these words: you may have been cursed with the last honest man on Earth.

Good luck, dear.

Answer 6

You feel weird because he has threatened a fundamental characteristic of womanhood - confidence in your looks.
It is similar to if you'd have made some comment that his penis was actually smaller that you gave him credit for, and that it wasn't really big enough to provide you with sexual satisfaction. He would feel weird getting his naked penis next to you.
People are attracted to one another often based on positive or negative feelings. Sure, physical attraction brings people together initially, but schmoozing goes a long way too. For example, when someone complements you frequently, you're more likely to have positive feelings toward them and find them attractive.
So, you had a situation where he developed negative feelings toward you.
If you can't bring him around to feeling positive, then consider your exit strategy. No woman should have to put up with that.

Answer 7

A person's appearance is indicative of their state of mind. If someone doesn't care about themselves, how is anyone else supposed to care?

When someone dresses up and looks their best for someone in their life, it says something about themselves and the person they are with. If you take the time to dress stylish, and I'll admit it is superficial, you are making that significant person in your life very important.

What's inside a person's heart and mind can never be realized without an appeal to the eye. It is the eyes that peer into the body and mind of another person. And, how inexpensive it is to always look your best.

So, dress up and make that other person in your life want to know more about you. There is nothing worse or more of a turn-off than someone who doesn't care about themselves. And, your personal appearance counts.

Answer 8

He's hurt you that's obvious. We all have a need to be accepted and loved. When all this time he has told you that you are beautiful and suddenly takes it back, I think it would make you question his "truths". I am personally amazed that someone who says they love you could say something like that. Usually "LOVE" makes people look at their partners differently, like they are most beautiful person they ever met...inside and out.

Answer 9

Tough question. I know that it is shallow to look at only the outside, but have to admit that it is important to me. That said, it is only part of the picture. What you see is coloured by the way you feel about the person, its not just about their looks. My wife thinks I am spunky (at my age, LOL), but true of false it is nice and beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I feel the same about her, but we both think that in our own eyes (the mirror, haha) we are nothing special to look at. I'm not sure what that tells ya, but it is not simple. And I am wondering if your man is going thro a rough patch and angry at something outside of your relationship or, if he has suddenly realised there are things about you he is uncertain about. More talk is required I reckon. Good luck.

Answer 10

OK seriously. There are about 3 billion males in the world and you happen to be with this loser? If he doesn't think you are hot inside and out then go look for more fish in the sea. There are so many ways to be sexy and charming- you don't have to look like Claudia Schiffer to have a guy think you are hot. Screw him!

Answer 11

I think that if he really likes or loves you, that that would make you attractive to him. Looks don't attract as much as either/or personality or chemistry. So that makes me a little skeptical that the argument played no role in his statement to you. Good luck and hold your head up.